I can’t cope

@Captain24 oh sweet it sounds like you've been very busy and still have so much to do. I'm hoping it all goes smoothly and when you get to rest that you can get a good sleep before work. Try not to focus on everything at once but just take things one step at a time.

Super busy! @MissGremlin. I usually do a lot today anyway. Because I did my washing yesterday I can iron it now instead of before I go to work plus it’s suppose (hopefully) to rain for a few days, starting from this afternoon so my washing wouldn’t have dried anyway.

Im having trouble sleeping again. I struggle to get to sleep and then I keep waking up. I’m hoping this afternoon isn’t the same. It’s not helping with my extreme tiredness. I do have the bed to myself this afternoon and tomorrow so that is good.

What are your plans for today?

@Captain24 well I'm glad you got your washing done when you did. It's cold, wet and windy where I am for a few days.

Having trouble sleeping sucks, I'm really hoping this afternoon you can get a good sleep before work.

I'm really not wanting to face the day or even keep going at the moment. I'm safe for now, laying on my lounge with Casper and my wheat bag.

It’s not cold here yet @MissGremlin. Well cold for me but not normal. It’s 18 degrees currently.

It’s really frustrating me. But I guess it is what it is. My medication was upped so I would sleep better and it worked for a little while but not now.

That’s a hard way to be. Is there anything you can do to keep busy and distract?

I’ve finally sat down and I’m eating. Nearly all done!

Hope you are ok? @MissGremlin

I have done absolutely everything. There is not a thing left over! Pretty proud of myself plus going to the chemist was cheaper than I thought. My $60 medication is now on PBS so it only cost me $7.70! Shame the $100 one isn’t.

Im in bed now and hoping to sleep well. I’m still feeling the adrenaline for being so much in the go though. Hopefully I wind down quickly.

I am thinking of you and hoping that today settles down for you. Think of me when you are doing your diamond art because I can’t do any.

@Captain24 sorry sweet, it's been a tough day for me and I've struggled to stay present and connected. I did manage to doze off briefly earlier but woke up in a panic then I've been dissociating for the rest of the day. I'm safe and just sitting on the lounge with Casper.

I can understand the frustration of not being able to sleep, might be worth mentioning to your GP when you can especially cos the meds were increased to hopefully help you sleep better.

You did incredibly well to get everything done, I'm so proud of you too. That's awesome that the medication is covered under the PBS, sucks that the $100 one isn't though.

Hope you are getting lots of sleep sweetheart and that work goes ok for you tonight. I'll be thinking of you. I might get to do some diamond art tonight when I sit in bed.

Sorry it’s been so hard and you are dissociating. That’s rough @MissGremlin

I won’t hassle you to talk. I’m heading to work anyway. I’m taking my phone in so I’ll see if I get time to check in if I’m in a service area.

@Captain24 it's never a hassle talking to you sweet, i love chatting to you.

I really hope work goes ok for you sweetheart, I'll be thinking of you as always ❤️.

@Captain24 Hip Hip Hooray!! Happy bday for yesterday lovely one 🎂🎉

How was your day? Did you have a nice lunch and relaxing bath?

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@Captain24 wrote:

The spiral was still the same but I see it’s not the sandwich but the lack of confidence in myself to achieve my end goal. Like a step backwards.

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You know how we always talk about recovery not being linear? Steps backwards are part of that, and they don't indicate failure or lack of trying. They do offer us with more opportunities to learn, to practice skills, and to grow 😊

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@Captain24 wrote:

I think contentment is achievable. No one is happy all the time and I don’t want to be anyway. Then happiness is normal not happiness. If that makes sense. Just to be able to deal with day to day stuff.

It does I think. You can talk until you are blue in the face but I’m the one that has to do it. I could always see that but just couldn’t do it or maybe better put wasn’t ready to do it. This will be a shock… I am proud of what I have been doing and how I have been going about it, slowly and gently. I’m proud of myself for having (mostly) the right attitude to do it.

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Yes yes yes!! Totally agree on what you say about 'if we were happy all the time it would just be normal' - it not only makes it easier to set realistic goals for our recovery, but also reminds us to relish in the moments where we do feel joy or happiness, because we know they won't last forever. But on the same token, we know that the sadness and struggles don't last forever either!

And you should be proud of yourself!! You've worked so hard, continually pushing yourself ever-so-slightly outside your comfort zone (slowly and gently!), and trying to take on new ways of thinking and seeing yourself and the world. It truly is amazing 😁

I can't tell what your gift is... is it like a soda stream or milkshake maker or something?

Hey @Jynx

I didn’t get time for a bath. My bestie took me out to lunch instead. Then I had to go around to her house so her son could play me happy birthday on his saxophone! Then he played me a few other songs. I hadn’t heard of them until he played his school song. I asked him if he changed schools and he said yes. It was the same as I went to school at that school! It was so good for us to be back together again!

I try to tell myself in this moment a that it’s just a backwards step and won’t last. It doesn’t make it easier but I do have hope that it will lift and quickly. Which it usually does.

I’m slowly adding a shower into my routine. I am getting better at it but just one thing at a time. Plus I’m not always beating myself up if I don’t get things done. I’m working hard. It’s not easy but they say repetition because habit. That’s why I’m doing it slowly so it’s not overwhelming and I’m not setting myself up to fail.

Thanks for being proud of me. I am proud of me!!! I actually wish the other moderator hadn’t left and she could see what I have done for myself.

It is a soda stream but it’s green and really pretty and matches my kitchen beautifully!!!