I can’t cope

I got about an hour and a half of sleep. @MissGremlin.

Pixie is home, she has a UTI and bladder stones from the uncontrolled diabetes. She is on antibiotics, the pain relief she wanted to send me home with earlier and a specialised tablet to put more acid in her urine. I get that tablet tomorrow as they had to order it in. This vet was much nicer when she realised I was right and that there was something wrong with my dog. She did say that she wants to check her urine in 10 days when the meds are finished and to redo her test in three weeks that tells us what level of insulin she should be in. Pix will get those tests but not by HER! It’ll be done by her own vets.

Im so tired and can’t think straight. My house is a mess and I have shit everywhere. It’s really getting to me. Being so over tired isn’t helping. I can’t wait until 9 when all food and meds are done and I can go to bed.

How are you going? Did you finish your diamond art?

@Captain24 poor Pix, I'm glad she's home though. Hoping she starts to improve soon. That's really not enough sleep for how long you've been awake for.

I'm really struggling with words at the moment, I'm sorry sweet. Things really aren't ok here for me, my head is pounding and I'm so overwhelmed. I'm safe and I'm going to try to eat dinner but I feel nauseous from being so stressed and the migraine.

I haven't finished the diamond art, only did a small section today.

I'm sitting with you sweetheart and sending love and hugs, I'm sorry I can't do more right now.

Hey @AuntGlow

I was at work last night. I’ve barely slept today and I’m really tired and exhausted.

I feel like I have stepped backwards a little. I’m still trying to do it all and have been but I’m having a little trouble maintaining my thoughts as just thoughts. But I have been extremely tired for the last little while and I guess I have put myself through some stuff. This all started in November last year so it’s been a long time. Kinda points out the reason for being so tired. I’ve had to fight a lot in the last 6 months.

Finding some joy is huge. It does show progress but I’m not seeing it in anything else. I’m looking for it but can’t find it.

My safety plan is the same. We haven’t added anything to it again yet.

My birthday is next Sunday and I got the day off work so that’ll be good, a day just about me!

That sounds like a nice weekend. I’m not sure about the Pilates though, what’s hot Pilates? , I’m not a fan of it. I should go though as it would be helpful for my back!

That’s ok @MissGremlin. It’s fine not to have words. I don’t really have any either. I’m sorry it’s all hard for you right now.

I hope you can eat something. I have a pot of water boiling on the stove with nothing in it! I should get up and sort that out.

You don’t need to do anything. I’m here for you with whatever ability I’ve got.

My two babies were asleep so I laid the recliner right back to hopefully get a little nap in before they get fed. They are both now climbing on me and I just don’t have any patience for them.

I am so tired. My thoughts are so hard right now. I just want to do things. I just want to break the pain. I don’t know how I’m going to function through the next hour and a half.

I guess you could say I’m safe.

@Captain24 I'm here with you sweet. Happy to help however i can. I'm just about to sit in my bed.

Hey @Captain24 - your response makes me feel very excited! It's amazing to read that you're so open to challenging and trying to move focus into those grey areas instead of getting as stuck in black and white thinking.

Feeling scared of losing the support of your psych seems pretty reasonable considering how helpful and supportive she has been - especially if there's not historically been that kind of presence in your life. But yeah could also be worth discussing this fear with her, so that being able to see things differently might be something you're both working towards.

I appreciate your words and consideration regarding the changes on the forums. I hope when you're feeling up to it, you do send in some feedback!

I can hear you're having a rough night tonight, sounds like low tolerance for frustration - maybe some sensory overload or something going on, if the dogs are irritating you?

I really can see that you're trying new ways of seeing and working through things - is there something different you could apply to how you're feeling tonight? Maybe something from your psych or a way of coping that you've been trying to practice? Can you 'thanks brain' these feelings?

I will respond properly tomorrow @Jynx

My tolerance is really low. I’ve had an hour and a half sleep since 4:30pm yesterday

Pix spent this afternoon in hospital and now has more things wrong with her so there is the stress and disappointment in that. I’m a little resentful that she is t taking the medication well but since Saturday she has been on a lot.

Im going to bed now she is all done. The exhaustion is making ‘thanks brain’ just really too hard. I can’t think so it’s just to challenging at the moment but I did try it!

@Captain24 all good hun, I'm so sorry to hear about Pix that is so stressful. Hope you can get a bit more sleep tonight 🤞💜

(づ ᴗ _ᴗ)づ♡

Morning @Captain24 sweet, how are you feeling today?