I can’t cope

@Captain24 bills are never ending.

Hope you can get a good sleep sweet ❤️.

They are never ending especially when it’s your own home. All sorts of things crop up! @MissGremlin

I slept ok actually. I was sound asleep when my alarm went off. I was like…. No.. already!

How has your day been?

@Captain24 all the bills seem to come at once, it's crazy.

I'm glad you slept ok, i manage to nap for a little bit but still kept waking up having nightmares.

Today's been really hard, thoughts/urges are pretty strong and loud at the moment. I'm safe and I've boiled the kettle to have a hot chocolate.

I’m glad you got a nap. @MissGremlin Even though you had nightmares, that must be really hard.

That’s good they you are having a hot chocolate. I find them soothing and grounding. I try to focus on the moment with them.

With your thoughts can you try and tell yourself that they are just thoughts and it’s ok to have them that you don’t really need to listen to them? That’s starting to work for me however I had to be ready to try it. It’s not always possible but I am getting better at it. No pressure just what’s happening for me at the moment.

Im just about to get in the car, I may have time at the smoke stop before I head in.

@Captain24 i do try really hard to remind myself that they're only thoughts but it doesn't always work. When there's pain and a lack of sleep it really compounds everything. One of the nerves from a wisdom tooth is exposed so it's causing alot of pain and will do so until it dies 😞.

Hoping work goes ok for you sweet, will be thinking of you ❤️.

I didn’t stay for the extra 2 hours of overtime. I just couldn’t, I was sore and so so tired. I’m exhausted. This exhaustion is affecting me so much. It’s starting to affect my work and that’s not good. I nearly feel asleep driving at work and then driving home from work. It’s getting dangerous. It’s affecting my thoughts and it’s affecting my ability to control them. The urges would be so easy to give into just from pure exhaustion and wanting it over with. I am safe at the moment.

Im just having breakfast, then a shower and I’m dropping to dogs into mum early so I will get an extra hour sleep today.

Mum is going to ring me though. Pix is sick I think. So I’m making mum take her to the vet. I’m really worried that it’s pancreatitis again. The signs are similar. I’m hoping it’s nothing but if it is we have gotten it mega early. Hopefully it doesn’t involve a hospital stay as it’s the weekend and expensive. The vet does do discounts on out of hours services for regular customers. I definitely fall into that category!

Morning @Captain24 sweet, I'm sorry the exhaustion is so much at the moment. I get how much it affects the ability to control the thoughts and urges know that you're not alone sweet.

I'm glad you'll get an extra hours sleep.

I'm really hoping that Pix is ok, the last thing you need is her being unwell again and having to stay at the vets. Thinking of you sweetheart and know that I'm here for you. Sending so much love and hugs ❤️.

It’s just gotten really really hard. @MissGremlin. It’s just hit me hard

@Captain24 i hear you sweet. I know how hard it is especially when it hits so hard but I'm here for you ❤️.

I’m in a little trouble so I’ve just climbed into bed. Hopefully sleep finds me soon and makes it all go away @MissGremlin

Im safeish now I’m in bed. I’ll put my white noise on and hopefully that knocks me out. I’m in bed and hour and a half earlier than normal so that’s good. Hopefully it will help with the exhaustion and I sleep u til my alarm goes off, except for my phone call.

I hope today isn’t too hard on you.