I can’t cope

That’s perfectly ok @MissGremlin. Just know that I’m thinking of you. Be safe and I’ll talk to you in the morning.

How are you doing? @MissGremlin

Morning @Captain24 sweet, last night was really rough. I'm feeling so fragile and vulnerable today. The nightmares were really bad last night and I was in such a panic when I woke up, I tried everything to calm down but nothing was helping. I couldn't get through to a crisis service either so I was completely alone trying to get through it. I'm scared about how today is going to go. I'm safe and still in bed for a few more minutes before I have to get up.

How are you doing sweetheart?

That vulnerable and fragile feeling is so heavy, hard and scary. @MissGremlin

Im sorry about the nightmares and severe panic. Was it the same crisis service as normal or was it a different one?

Im sore it hurt to get out of bed. I’m suppose to be lying down and resting but I have washing to do, which is in the machine, the dishwasher is going and I’m trying to work out what to get for dinners for the next few nights as I have to go shopping and cook them this morning. I’m waiting on work to ring to find out what the go is with failing the drug test. My boss is expecting me at work so I’m really not sure what is happening. I just wish that they would ring now so I know! I don’t know how they expect me to rest when I have work tonight? Maybe? But I need to get ready. I live in my own so it’s my responsibility!

@Captain24 i can only reach out to one crisis service which is lifeline.

I'm sorry you're so sore sweet. Having to get up while being in so much pain is really hard. Did you fail the drug test cos of the meds you're on? That's incredibly hard having to wait and not know what's happening. Sitting with you sweet and sending love and hugs ❤️

So it’s a different service to before? Are you still banned? @MissGremlin

Yeah, my adhd drugs fail. But because they are declared and we know what it is, that’s what’s causing the uncertainty. I don’t want to go to work, I would like to rest my back but if I’m suppose to go then that is fine I just want a confirmed answer!

@Captain24 yeah the other service I'm no longer able to contact but they aren't a crisis service and only open until 11.30pm.

Oh that really sucks. I hope it's sorted for you soon sweet but completely understand not wanting to go to work especially being sore.

I’ve found lifeline really hard with trying to chat. I have never gotten through. So I gave up trying @MissGremlin I do suicide callback when I can work up the courage to try. Have you tried them?

Im about to lift a washing basket with my work clothes in it, they are really heavy work jeans and heavier when wet! These are the times when I wish I had help. But I don’t want anyone around ever but especially when in pain! I’m so hard to please.. 😂

@Captain24 they are very hit and miss. Unfortunately the other service you mentioned won't communicate with me.

Be careful sweet and just take things slowly. Completely get not wanting anyone around, it's why I don't like having people here when I'm like the way I am or even ever really.

That’s a shame @MissGremlin. They have ended my chat at times and told me to call but I rarely ever do. I’m too scared.

Washing bung and I’m about to go grocery shopping. I’m just going to get a lasagne if they have one. I only have to throw that in the oven so it’s easy.