I can’t cope

@Captain24 i think it's such a beautiful gift. They hold lots of meaning.

I haven't been able to eat today. Haven't even had an iced coffee. I'm not sure why i feel off, I woke up like it.

Maybe it’s just a slight bug and you wake up feeling better tomorrow. Well I hope so @MissGremlin

Im just about to feed the dogs. I want to try and do some diamond art afterwards but the increase in my antipsychotic has hit me pretty hard. I can barely keep my eyes open! 😜

How your bedtime routine going?

@Captain24 it's not a bug, just my tummy feels acidy if that makes sense.

Maybe an early night if the increase is making you sleepy? There will be time for diamond art tomorrow.

I've just sat in bed and I'm going to sort out the gems to a new diamond art that I picked out.

I hope it settles for you @MissGremlin

Yeah, I’m thinking it’s time for bed. I can finish it tomorrow. There is still a couple of hours in it yet I think. It might not take as long as I think. I doesn’t matter though. I have plenty of time.

Im glad you picked one. Hope it’s a more calming one for you.

Have a good night and I really hope you get some sleep.

Thankyou @Captain24 sweet and especially for being here ❤️.

Hope you can get a good night's sleep sweetheart.

Hopefully we get to chat tomorrow.

Okay, a little better is really wonderful! @Captain24

This is amazing, you sound really light and engaged in the world today. 🤩

Show me the pillow!

Aww, I am so glad mum is showing up for you and your fur babies. 🥰

I was away performing in a show I was working on! But all done and back here now - on Sundays again too!

What else has been going on in your world? Any highlights or downloads during therapy/walking through life?

So much for the med increase helping me sleep through the night. This is the second time I have woken up. The first time really wasn’t me though. Jett got me up so he could have a drink! He was growling and when I came back to my room the was a toy under the bed and I don’t think he knew what it was! 😂 he is very anxious and scared of a lot of things!

I feel pretty awake right now though. I’ve been having trouble just lying in bed after I wake up. It’s like I just have to get up and moving. I can lay here during the day though. I’m struggling not to get up and do stuff.

Maybe I’ll nod back off but Pix and Jett aren’t laying in the most comfortable of positions for me and Pix will not move. Jett is starting to get just as stubborn!

Its this time of morning that I can’t distract my thoughts and knowing that I’m going to be tired tomorrow they are louder and stronger. It’s like they are more forceful.

Sounds like you're not getting much sleep tonight @Captain24, and it doesn't seem like the pups have been of much help (cheeky Jett and Pix, haha!)

It can be really difficult falling back to sleep when our minds are preoccupied with an abundance of other thoughts, and ruminating can certainly make them feel louder and stronger.

Is there anything you have found helpful in the past to help calm these types of thoughts? Reading or a warm cup of tea perhaps?

Whatever this might look like for you - maybe try leaning into this, and hopefully you are able to get a few more hours of restful sleep before beginning your day!

Good morning @ShadowMod

Nah I didn’t get much sleep. I love my babies but they can be painful at times! Jett growls at me if I disturb him too much!

I was hard to get back to sleep. I sat and did some diamond art for a little bit after walking around my backyard and looking at the stars. Then I went back and put my white noise on and that helped. I’m trying really hard to keep the thoughts at bay with distractions. I’m trying not to ruminate and just accept the thoughts. It’s really hard but ruminating all the time isn’t helpful either.

I did manage an hour an a half more sleep but I’m awake again now and I’m up and will just stay up. Hopefully being so tired doesn’t hurt me too much and I can keep pushing through with the fake it until I make it.

I’ve come to terms with the fact that it’s a bipolar episode and that it’s not my fault it’s just my brain. I’m told that I’m in hypo arousal and that is what I need to be in to climb out. It’s a hard slog but if I get through it then things should be ok. It’s a lot to accept but I’m working on it. I’m also trying to accept that my thoughts are just that, thoughts. That’s a hard one! @AuntGlow I just have to ride it out.

I saw my Pdoc on Friday and she increased a couple of meds. I started one last night and the other tomorrow morning. She listened to my thoughts and some really dangerous things I have done. She also said I just need to ride it out. I have to look after myself through it though. Both her and my psych are happy with the effort that I’m putting in to try and keep myself distracted and to look after myself. Self care has become part of my life. I know… can you believe I said that?

So all in all i am trying and also trying to stop ruminating so much. I could spend all day lazing in bed but I don’t and I push myself gently to get on the right path.

Oh that would have been so much fun! I do miss performing. It’s full on and exhausting but exhilarating!!!

I did have someone steal my work jacket off my clothes line while I had 3 dogs here and I was home!!! I was babysitting mums dog.

A highlight is mum posted a photo on Facebook from my dogs wishing me a happy Mother’s Day!

Mum wants the 2 diamond arts of her last dig and Keiko for her birthday. I thought it was silly as I was just going to give them to her but now I feel like it’s a lovely and meaningful gift. Makes me feel a little warm and fuzzy inside.

Thats about all the highlights I can find… sorry