I can’t cope

@Captain24 age is just a number. I choose to be a big kid at heart whenever I can. I don't think i look my age either.

I think that's definitely a good idea to share that with your psych sweet. Just remember that things can always change, yes it's hard right now but it might not always be this way.

Birthdays for me are just another day but I did have special connections here that made the day easier to get through.

I can’t see the pic yet. @MissGremlin

On my 40th birthday I said that if I was t married with kids by the time I turned 50 that I just wouldn’t see 50. While now I do t want to be married or have kids, I still have nothing to show for my age. A big mortgage with lots of debt. No one to leave my stuff too when mum and dad go. There is my naive but I don’t even get a msg for Christmas from her. She would have no idea what month my birthday is in let alone the day. So I’ve really got nothing and no one. There isn’t really any

point in getting to 50.

I’m in bed so if I stop replying it means I’ve gone to sleep.

@Captain24 i hear you sweet. But you have your gorgeous furbabies and I know they mean alot to you. Having a mortgage and debt sucks and not having anyone to leave things to is hard. I'm not going to sit here and sugar-coat things cos I get it, i truly do. But just know that you mean so much to me and I've loved getting to know you, building a connection with you and sharing ups and downs together. Life is hard and doesn't always work out how we planned but you've still got a whole future ahead of you that's worth seeing.

I hope you can get some sleep sweetheart, sending you so much love and hugs ❤️.

Thanks for being here today. @MissGremlin. I know I was hard work as I struggle to say much. I guess that comes with shutdown. I’m glad I was home alone with no visitors as there is no way I could mask today. My cup is empty and I’m drained. My body is worn out and aching. I haven’t even done anything. My jaw is sore from clenching it, I have to keep remembering to relax it. I’m just tired but not necessarily sleep tired.

Meh! No baggage lol! My preference too! The more I look at my sister, the more I don't want kids lol. I like my companionship here and with a few other peeps, but that's all I need in my world.

LOL, and as I've shared before, my parents don't even remembrer when my birthday is @Captain24

@Captain24 I'm glad I could be here for you today sweet and you're so welcome. You're definitely not hard work though, not at all. Holding so much tension in your body is exhausting and the body aches are horrible, I can relate to it so much. I'm glad you're in bed, try to relax all your muscles, you've done well to get through the day. I get that tired feeling but not physically tired.

Have you got Jett with you?

Yep.. no baggage but I’ll be alone when I’m old and no one to care about me! @tyme

Im too old to have kids now anyway and I don’t want them it’s just the being alone thing.

I have here as well and a 3 people in my life, I just don’t talk to them much or see them often. I have one booked in the come and stay next year for my birthday. She is currently in hospital and can’t leave as she is homeless since she left her husband while in there!

I can’t believe they forget your birthday. Mum makes it special. I’m getting a green soda steam. I thought she would just go to big w and get a normal white one but she went on their site and found a light green one! I’m also hoping for an Oodie lounge set. But I also need a fetch (tv recording thing) so she might get that instead. I’ll just have to wait and see.

Thank you @MissGremlin

Jett only sleeps on my bed. He never gets off. Pix is on and off, whatever she wants at the time. She has stairs so she can get in if she wants to.

Kitchen clean

ensuite clean

floors swept, washed and vacuumed

showered, washed and dried my hair

fridge sorted,

2 loads of washing done and hung on the line

towels washing

Im about to cook my lunches for work. Then that’s it until I have to get the washing off the line and iron it, cook dinner and unpack the dishwasher.

Then diamond art!

I feel accomplished but still really down and out. My body is aching and I’m tired. Not quite so shut down yet though.

How did you sleep?

@Captain24 wow, you've done amazing this morning sweet, well done. I'm glad that everything is almost done so that you can relax with your diamond art for the rest of the day other than the few things that need to be done later.

I get the feeling down and out, it's tough so try to be gentle with yourself sweetheart.

Sleeping was tough for me, I've been awake since 4am. I'm unsure of what to do about this inspection but one thing I know is that it's currently unsafe for me to try to clean if you can read between the lines. I've done the 2 rooms but reality is that i only have Monday to finish the entire rest of the house, that's loungeroom, dining area, kitchen, laundry, bathroom and toilet. It's physically not possible and would put my at a huge risk. I'm safe for the moment and snuggled up with Casper in bed.

Is your inspection on Tuesday? Can you put it off until next week and just tell them you have been unwell? Just give them a date and see if that works? @MissGremlin. Can you just do a basic clean? I’m sorry it feels unsafe for you. I’m glad that I can do mine when I have to. Hence everything done today as I have work for the next few days. An inspection would overwhelm me though. It’s a different kind of clean. Someone in your house checking everything out. I had an inspection where the owner can as well and wipe her finger along the walls to see if it was clean. It was only the owner and no one else has ever done that!

Sorry you didn’t sleep well. I was awake a few times during the night. I think I got up 3 times and had a smoke. I only smoke outside.

Today is a real struggle. I can’t take much.