I can’t cope

I need to think of what I can manage to focus on. @MissGremlin Im trying really hard to be gentle to myself. It doesn’t come easily but I just can’t make things worse. I just feel so shut down.

Hard ones get frustrating and ones like the grass is frustrating as well as there is so many colours and all over the place not in sections.

@Captain24 i know it's so hard to be gentle with yourself but you're doing well sweet.

Yes the hard ones get frustrating, it's just that the colours don't seem right that's annoying me.

I find the colours kind of change around different colours. I have a light green and it’s green around the greens but grey around the greys. @MissGremlin

When I go into work on Monday I’m going to see Igbo can get my birthday off. Then I also want to book the whole block off next year. I just realised next year is a milestone birthday.

@Captain24 yes! I notice that too.

That would be so good if you can get the time off for your birthday especially for next year if it's a milestone one. Wait does that mean the big 50? Don't have to answer if you aren't comfortable, totally understand. Mine was meant to be a big one this year but it was just another day, though I did get alot of love from people on the forums.

Yep 50… it feels so old. @MissGremlin. Just a little blow to my already down day. What was yours? Also don’t answer if you don’t want to.

I’m hoping this year is available. I just want the day not the whole block. It’s a Sunday this year and it’s the same as last block when I called in sick and the 3 day shifts were just too overwhelming. It’d mean I do 2 days have a day off and then do 2 nights. I can manage that. Plus I don’t need to sort out when mum and dad want to do my birthday dinner and cake and stuff.

@Captain24 50 is not old sweet. I refuse to act my age 😂. I turned 40 this year.

That would be good to only have the 2 day shifts and 2 night ones with a day off in between. Bonus to not having to sort out when mum and dad want to do the birthday stuff.

50??! Wow! @Captain24

Seems like such a jump.

What'd you get up to today?

Hey @MissGremlin

Hello @tyme

Not until next year @tyme !!! It was just a realisation today.

Just did diamond art and nothing else.

Feeling really down and out and shut down today. It’s not a great feeling. I’m going to go to bed soon. This moment by moment is getting harder.

I don’t act it at all. @MissGremlin. Everyone thinks I’m a lot younger than I am, especially with the way I look. I definitely don’t look 50. Everyone thinks late 30’s.

I remember 40. I made a pact with myself about turning 50. Maybe I should share that with my psych in the coming 12 months. She may need to know. I had no intention of seeing my 50th birthday.

Im sorry no one showed anything for it.