I can’t cope

@Captain24 I'll be hopping into bed as soon as I've done my routine. I want you to be able to get enough sleep. Thankyou so much for sticking around and for all your support sweetheart, you've helped so much ❤️

Good night @tyme

Night @tyme

It’s all good. You needed it today @MissGremlin.

@Captain24 i hope you can get a good night's sleep sweet and we shall chat tomorrow. Thankyou again and sending so much love and hugs ❤️.

I hope you sleep well tonight. I really hope you do, you need it. @MissGremlin

@Captain24 I get you. All about balance!

I can see how hard you're trying. You're doing amazingly! I don't even leave the house once a day lmao. So does that mean some down time? Maybe you could go for an adventure! Like... a nature walk or go find a cosy cafe in which to read a book for a couple hours or something. Maybe see a movie!

Well... I guess it's good for the local economy? Haha hopefully things calm down soon 😋

Freezer meals are great! I do love to cook, but it always takes me aaaaages. Whatever works hey!

I hope you feel a bit better tomorrow @MissGremlin 💜

Hugs to you both

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@Captain24 we both need a good sleep. Night night sweetheart ❤️.

@Jynx thankyou, i really hope so. Hope you have a good night ❤️

It does mean down time but not time to sit in front of a blank tv screen doom scrolling. @Jynx. There is no movie theatre! 😂 Nature walks really aren’t my thing. I did think about taking myself out to breakfast but money is a bit tight at the moment. All I’ve been doing is diamond art.. hyper fixation! I’m not really up for much else as I need to think and don’t really have the capacity. It didn’t block out the thoughts very well today so I put music on as well. It was quiet as I don’t like noise. I wasnt able to allow

myself to sing out loud but I did say some of the lyrics in my head. Not often just sometimes but that’s a little bit of progress. But just by sitting and doing it I feel more relaxed.

I have to go out everyday so I have some form of social contact, even if it’s just passing people in the supermarket.

It is good. Weekends are crazy in town with just general visitors but we are starting to have even more events so that creates chaos!

I don’t actually know how to cook and am useless at following a recipe. So it’s all easy meals for me!

It’s 4;30 in the morning and I’m laying here awake. I’m tired and should be asleep. The thoughts are ringing loud and clear. I got up and had a drink and the thought was there. Maybe it is time to go. But my biggest fear is leaving the dogs behind. They wouldn’t cope without me. Plus I can’t leave mum with a diabetic dog. I really want to go though. What’s the point in being around? More misery? More thoughts? No future? Life always being the same? No one would really care anyway. I sometimes imagine my funeral and wonder if anyone would actually be there. I’d kind of like to have a funeral and see just how cared and what to live for.

Im safe, Pix is snoring on the pillows on the floor and Jett is laying at me feet. I do wish I wasn’t though.

Maybe I can find my way back to sleep.