I can’t cope

Morning @Captain24 sweet, I'm completely overwhelmed this morning, so much noise happening here and I'm not coping. I'm stressing about today and how I'm supposed to get the house ready for the inspection. I'm safe for now and finishing getting ready, well trying to.

I'm glad you got a bit of sleep but can understand tossing and turning and being panicked. The event in town sounds very full on so I don't blame you for wanting to get things done today and I'm sure your psych will be ok with it.

You're so welcome sweetheart, we have been here for each other so it goes both ways ❤️. Wishing I could just sit and do diamond art with you today but I know i need to clean 😞.

I’m sorry there is so much noise. I don’t cope with the noise. I get that its overwhelming especially with get your yard finished and still all the sorting. @MissGremlin. It’s sounds like a really hard day coming for you.

They are all arriving today as it starts at 7 in the morning. So it’ll be really busy out there. I have done all my shopping, got fuel and been to Bunnings and got a padlock and have put it in my gate. It’s a really heavy duty one! I didn’t have time to look at cameras and how expensive they are as I had to get home to feed the dogs. I still have to go back out and get my meds though.

I wish you could sit with me too. I started it at 6 this morning and am about to go and do some more. I can sit with you while you clean. I’ll go out later for my scripts. Maybe around lunchtime.

Im here all day for when you need.

@Captain24 i feel like it's going to be a really hard day. I'm already reaching out to a crisis line and that's just from putting washing on and taking the other stuff out of the dryer, I have to somehow fold it all then tidy my room.

I'm glad you've been out and gotten shopping, fuel and a padlock. Hoping the padlock gives a little bit of peace of mind for you. Fingers crossed it's not too busy when you have to go back out to get your meds later.

My head and body hurts so much, I just want to curl up on my lounge with Casper. But I know i have to get this cleaning done. Those thoughts are really strong today and my brain is telling me that I shouldn't be here, that all I ever do is bother everyone and noone should have to put up with me. I'm safe for now and trying to fight those thoughts by staying connected, I'm going to sit on my bed and try to fold the washing up and put it away.

Thankyou sweet and I'm here for you too ❤️.

That’s scary that you are reaching out already. @MissGremlin. hopefully that may make your head feel clearer and help get through the day. At least it’s done though. We need to focus on the little things today. Just one thing at a time not look at the whole day.

Mum is going to get my meds for me. That just means that they will come around.

Im sorry that you hurt especially when you still have so much to do. I know those thoughts but we still have to soldier on. I’m sure there is others that you don’t bother but you are definitely not a bother to me. I hope have folded it and can start in the next thing. Could you have rest breaks in between? Snuggle time with Casper to feel some connection. For me though if I rest and stop I struggle to start again.

Im here for some connection though.

@Captain24 i had to end the chat with the crisis service. I'm sitting on my floor trying to sort through some of the washing, it's only a couple of loads but it feels like so much. I just hung out the stuff that was in the machine and put the other bits in the dryer.

I'm glad your mum is getting your meds for you.

There's still so much to do and I'm not sure if I can even get it all done. I miss when I used to have help for this, now I'm on my own trying to manage everything. Thankyou for being here sweet, it truly means alot.

Washing is the bane of my existence! @MissGremlin. sorting it is hard. Maybe what you put in the line doesn’t get stolen thoug😜 At least some is out. Can you move to another task and come back to it? what can I do to help?

You can do this. What else is on your list for today?

Im here through it all. Just sitting and doing diamond art until mum comes around. She won’t be here long as it’ll nearly be lunchtime.

Oh.. I asked mum for a soda stream for my birthday. Expecting her just to go to big w and get a white one. But no.. she had to go on the sofa stream site and have a look. She showed me a picture and I just gasped. She found a green one!!!!! I said that’s the one I want. I did want it to match my kitchen which is why I said white, but this one is perfectly matched! Now I need to wait 😢

@Captain24 washing sucks, putting it in the machine is the easy part, everything after that is just ugh 😂. I actually don't even have a clothesline, well I do but I took it down as something else needed to take up the yard. My clothes get hung up on my bed (4 poster bed), I don't like how they feel if they dry in the sun. I'm still trying to get through the washing, the ex keeps coming in and out so I have to keep stopping and starting.

I don't even know if I can manage anything else today after this. It's taking so much out of me.

You're here with me and that truly means so much right now.

Ooohhha a green one, that's so cool. The waiting part sucks but it's still so exciting to know that you'll be getting it ☺️.

I couldn’t cope without my clothesline. I have really heavy thick clothes for work and they struggle to dry in winter on the line. I usually have to bring them in and put them back out the next day. @MissGremlin Stopping and starting is hard.

It’ll all be there tomorrow. If that’s all you can manage today. Just do what you can. I was thinking about ‘that’ room. The real estate only want to see that the place is undamaged. Could you just say that it’s the storage room? I use to. Just worry about the rest of the house?

I know, so exciting. It looks a very similar colour to my splash back tiles. I desperately want to see it. Only 23 more days. I also hinted about these Oodie lounge sets. They are expensive but I’ll see what happens! We get pretty spoilt. It’s all under what she normally spends so it’s not bad. I have said lots of stuff that I want over the last few months. Not meaning for her to get any of it. At Christmas she said she was going to give me money towards a new hair straightener as I’d spent $220 on craft stuff that I wanted. I don’t even remember saying about the straightener!

@Captain24 can understand needing it with the heavy work clothes. I used to use mine for towels but they just don't feel soft after drying in the sun so I chuck them in the dryer. I've mostly finished my room now, all the washing is folded and put away.

The good thing about that room is that they already know about it. I'm not even opening the door when she comes cos I can't even manage to get in there. Hoping she is understanding when I tell her that I've been struggling so much.

So it's 23 days until your birthday? You deserve to be spoilt, I'm glad you're getting the soda stream and you never know you might just get the oodie lounge set too, they look so comfy.

My towels, sheets and doona covers all go in the dryer. @MissGremlin. I like my towels softer!

Another room almost done. Packing away the washing is a hard task. But it’s done. What else do you have to do in there? Can we finish it together?

That’s so good. One less pressure. You don’t need to take that room yet. I’m sure they will be understanding of struggling. Especially if the rest of the house is clean and it sounds like you are already really on to it.

They look so comfy and warm. If they don’t get me one I’ll just get one myself. It’s not a big deal. I’ve got the warming pjs and they are nice. But if I have that I’ll use less aircon I think. I usually crank it right up in winter. It goes 24/7! Yeah, 23 days. I only know because I want the soda stream! 😂

Hows things feeling?