I can’t cope

I didn’t think you were talking to me after the other night @Jynx

I had a jacket stolen off the clothes line while I was inside and with 3 dogs. My 2 didn’t hear a thing otherwise there would have been screaming. It’s really scary that that happened all while I was sitting here with all the dogs and no one knew. I’m not safe in my own home and I’m really scared. I’m really tired and scared to go to bed. What if they are watching me? What if they come back? I also need my work jacket as it’s getting cold and I need it to keep warm.

If you are only responding because I messed up then it’s ok not to respond to this. I understand I and don’t deserve it after the other night.

@Captain24 can't say I'm keen for tomorrow that's for sure.

Hmmm that's tough. I know it's incredibly unnerving to know that someone came into your yard when you were home. I'm hoping it's just a once off thing and that they aren't looking to cause anymore issues.

It's completely ok, I'm happy to be here with you. We can sit in the crappy headspace together knowing that we aren't alone.

How's your diamond art going?

Huh? @Captain24 I'm confused, why wouldn't I talk to you?

Oh that is scary!! You know for sure it was stolen, wasn't just blown away by the wind? That's happened to me 😅

I guess keep your curtains closed, doors locked, stuff like that. You could always get one of those fake security cams - waaaay cheaper than actual cams and can act as a pretty solid deterrent.

Does your workplace have extras or like a lost and found where you could scrounge another jacket? Ugh and at the start of winter, too! 😓

I completed a section today and have started another one. There is lots of the same colour so it should be pretty easy. Then the next sections have a lot of grass and that’s all different colours so that’s going to be hard and slow going! @MissGremlin

I think I might try going to bed. I’m a bit over diamond art right now. I’m scared to go but I guess I can only try. Will see what happens.

Sorry to leave you when everything is so tough. I wish I could make things a little easier for you.

I hope you can get some rest.

Back now @Captain24 @MissGremlin - soz

@Captain24 that's awesome that you've completed section and started another. Those sections with lots of colours where you have to keep changing and then if you accidentally miss one 😂.

I'm hoping you can get some sleep sweet. I'll be around if you can't though.

It's ok sweetheart, I'm so thankful that you've been around today ❤️.

I wasn’t very nice and you didn’t send me hugs so I figured I upset you @Jynx

Definitely stolen. There was no wind today and everything else was the same way as I put it on the line. Not bunched up and not blown over the line or anything.

I can have a look and see. Lots of people have cameras around here.

Nah no extras or lost and found. Everything has your name embroidered on it. Incase you get buried if a wall collapses or something and they need to know your name for identity.

I’ll have to see if they will let me order another one but I don’t think so. Everything is locked and closed. I’m just so scared of someone watching.

Im going to bed and going to try and get some sleep. Thanks for still talking to me. I’m sorry I was horrible. Can you forgive me?

The only person you weren't being nice to was yourself @Captain24. I can hear that hugs are something quite meaningful to you? To have jumped straight to 'Jynx is angry' rather than thinking 'Jynx might have been tired or busy' (I think it was both, lol).

Well if it has your name embroidered on it, it's even more bizarre to think that a thief would happily wander around wearing a jacket emblazoned with someone else's name on it! Perhaps you could make a police report or post to a local facebook group or something, get the community to keep an eye out? Sucks that you have to request/wait for a new one from your work, hopefully they're accommodating once you explain, and try to get you a new one ASAP.

There's nothing to forgive when no harm was done. Perhaps you could think about forgiving yourself for being so hard on yourself 💜

⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

I know! It’s going to be so fiddly @MissGremlin. It’ll keep me busy for sure.

I have gotten some sleep but I did toss and turn a lot. I kept hearing noises and panicked. I’m awake early and hope I can go back to sleep. I do need to go grocery shopping this morning though as there is a major event in town this weekend and roads will be closed and people everywhere. I don’t want to leave the house! I think that should be ok with my psych as there will be no parking or anything.

Thanks for being here for me. I’m around all day today if you need. I’ll just be doing diamond art after I have been into town but that will be at 7 and I’ll be home by 8!

The hugs are meaningful. @Jynx. Usually you end the night with them. Your last post. It doesn’t matter if you don’t but it just felt like perceived rejection. My fault totally, that’s just my mind thinking those things. I’m extra sensitive right now coming back through hypo arousal. I’m really struggling with it.

It was my companies logo on it too. It was just stupid but I really need it. I’m sure work will understand. Surely they will let me order another one.

Im going to post in the page we have for the estate today. I wasn’t I. The right headspace to post yesterday. My anxiety scared me to post.

I have so much self hatred that I can’t forgive myself. My psych knows how bad it really is. It’s extreme and makes me consider things. That’s what she wants to focus on right now. Finding the good bits but that’s going to be hard as there isn’t many that I can see and I challenge them the wrong way. It’s going to be hard to break through that solid double bricked wall!

I hope you are doing ok?