I can’t cope

@Captain24 it did arrive ☺️.

Most people just can't believe how much I've been and still am going through and how I'm still functioning but I'm not really, I just do what I have to do. We've set up to meet again next Tuesday, it's only weekly and for 4 months. The main thing we are going to focus on is trying to get support letters to get bumped up to category 1 for housing.

Have you talked to your psych about it sweet? I'm really glad that tonight is your last night and then you get a break again.

I managed about an hour of sleep in the just over 2 hour gap that i had to nap, I kept waking up in a panic.

I had something really scary happen with my eyes earlier when I was driving to the shops, it's settled a bit now but still partly there. I'm safe and bI'm having a cold Milo at the moment just trying to relax a bit after getting home.

How are you feeling sweetheart?

At least it’s something @MissGremlin. Hopefully they can get you some housing. That would be a little less stress. Just one thing off your mind. But be open and don’t be ashamed, that’s what they are there for. Use it while you can.

My psych knows pretty much everything and I’ll talk to her about the thoughts at work tomorrow. I’m really honest with her, she is a safe person and I feel safe. She also knows the right questions to ask and how to prompt me.

Im glad you managed a little bit sorry about the panic though.

It’s scary when something happens to your eyes. Were you seeing things or was it your eyes?

Im tired and don’t want to go to work but im up and dressed so i will.

I have a funny story. Pix gets medication before she has a bone so there is less runny bums afterwards. Mum gave her her dinner last night, the needle and some treats. Then she gave her the medication. Pix jumped around like a lunatic. Mum said she jumped with all four feet off the ground and did a full 360 turn. She knew she was getting a bone. When it was time to come home she didn’t want to come. She hasn’t had a bone since January.

@Captain24 they can't help with housing as such but they can do a support letter, so can the mental health person that I talk to. It might just be enough to get up to category 1 but even then it's a 5 year wait for housing.

I'm really glad you're open with your psych and that she is a safe person for you.

The panic sucks but at least i got a bit of rest.

It was like my peripheral vision went weird, like I was seeing clear/blurry patches out the side of my eyes. I don't know how else to describe it but it lasted about 30 minutes and was pretty scary cos I couldn't see properly.

I'm glad you're up and dressed but wish you weren't tired. Hoping it's an easy shift and that time goes quickly for you.

Haha awwww, that's so cute and funny. She loves her bones that's for sure ☺️

Wow.. 5 years!! That’s a long time! @MissGremlin. I don’t know what it is around here. But there is a few homeless people couch surfing and stuff.

She is. It’s a really good relationship. I really wish you could find that but I do t think everyone has that relationship with their psychs. I think mine is above and beyond.

Rest is rest even if it’s a little bit.

I hope it’s quick. Hopefully I’m doing the same thing as last night and this time I’ll try and keep going instead of pulling up. I think that makes me even more tired but it does get to the point of nothing to do.

I hope you get some rest tonight. I’ll be thinking of you. I may see you during the night but if not I’ll see you in the morning. I have to stay up for my appointment.

@Captain24 it's a ridiculous wait considering people at category 1 are massively at risk or already homeless. The housing situation is pretty messed up everywhere at the moment.

You're right not everyone has such a good relationship with their psych. Maybe one day I'll actually have one 😂.

Sometimes it's when you stop that everything catches up and then you feel that tiredness.

Will be thinking of you too sweetheart, look forward to being able to chat tomorrow and during your time off. Be safe out there, lots of hugs for you ❤️.

It is ridiculous @MissGremlin

I was just really busy but now I have someone else doing the job as well and now I’m bored and it’s only 10:30! Lots of time for thoughts.

Im hoping you are chilling and doing a new diamond art. What did you decide to do?

how are you feeling

I was also secretly hoping that Jynx may have checked in but I’m guessing I really upset them the other day. I thought that when there was no hugs.

@Captain24 oh time for thoughts sucks. Let me hit the fast forward button for you 😂.

I was doing a diamond art but I was getting too worked up over things going on so I switched to making some lucky stars.

Think they just get busy sometimes, I wouldn't take it to heart sweet. I remember when I snapped at rav3n one day and felt so bad after, but they know that when things are hard we say things we don't mean.

I'm feeling really overwhelmed, things are getting harder and my thoughts are so intense. I messaged my counsellor today but haven't heard back from her. It's still a week until my doctors appointment and then my counsellor one 2 days after that. I'm safeish for now, just trying to focus on making stars while I have a TV show playing.

I wish there was a fast forward button. I just feel like crying @MissGremlin

.

nah I upset them and now they don’t want to talk. It’s my own fault. Pushed someone else away. I deserve it, I’m a horrible person.

Im sorry that it got too hard for you. At least you had your stars to fall back on.

Im sorry it’s so hard. Do you think it could be from opening up a little today? I know I struggle sometimes after my psych appointment.

I hope the intense thoughts can settle. Have you reached out to a crisis line?

@Captain24 oh sweetheart, sending you hugs ❤️.

You haven't pushed anyone away sweet, i didn't talk to jynx tonight either. Try to be gentle with yourself, you most definitely are not a horrible person.

I'm glad i had the stars to do aswell. The picture i started doing just doesn't seem to be looking right.

I didn't really open up that much today, only touched briefly on things. I just know things are getting really bad despite how hard I'm working to avoid it (I'm safe). I've been trying to get them to settle but they haven't, so I'm waiting to get through to a crisis service.

I hope the picture turns out @MissGremlin

@did you get through? Was it helpful?

How are the stars going?

I have thoughts I need to get out. I’m really struggling right now. I just wish I was in bed. I don’t want to be here, I just want to be at home