I can’t cope

Hello @Captain24 sweet, it's been a really tough day for me and I feel overwhelmed and defeated. I'm safe for now and I've just hopped into bed, trying to work out what to do cos I finished my TV show last night.

How are you feeling sweetheart?

Sorry it’s been overwhelming. @MissGremlin

Anything you want to talk about?

Do you have other tv shows you watch?

Feeling pretty rough. Too many thoughts. Random ones popped into my head while I was at work. I’d just be doing my job and then in would jump a thought. Not good ones either. Really bad and my psych will be concerned. I’m really tired now. I’ve had a shower and fed the dogs. Just waiting on the water to boil so I can throw some pasta on.

@Captain24 there's alot i want to say but right now I'm struggling with the whole recovery focused side of things so it's best i not say anything. What i did say to jynx earlier was that I feel like I'm heading for a complete breakdown (I'm safe for now).

I've just started watching Buffy again, not coping with change so sticking to things that I know well. Going to see if I can do some of the diamond art that I started last night.

I'm sorry you're feeling pretty rough sweet. Those random thoughts are so hard to sit with especially when they come out of nowhere. When is your psych appointment again? You've done so well to have a shower and feed the dogs, hoping the pasta is cooked soon for you so you can hop into bed and hopefully get a good night's sleep.

Sending love and hugs sweetheart ❤️.

You can say stuff as long as you say you are venting and what you want from the community. Which is support from me.

Its your call though @MissGremlin. You can also tag @Jynx for approval and ask if it’s ok.

Im know that feeling of a breakdown but can’t really describe it you just know. I don’t know what it looks like just a feeling and can’t describe that either.

Im glad you found something to watch.

I see her on Wednesday. Then I’ll go to bed straight after. As I get home at 8am that morning.

I’ve just put the pasta in and about to sort my meds for the week. I would like to try and hang around for a little bit for you tonight.

It feels like I’m heading down the path of the other night. It’s quite scary.

@Captain24 I'm just scared to say the wrong thing and risk losing this space cos that really isn't what I need right now.

Yes it's hard to describe it, but you can just feel it. It's hard cos I've been trying to get help before it gets to that point and I've been doing everything I can to stop it from happening. But I feel with the way things are heading that it's inevitable (I'm safe for now).

I'm glad that you've got the appointment on Wednesday, though I know it's going to be tough after just finishing work.

I appreciate that sweet but please if you need to go to bed then do so.

I know how scary that can be but know that I'm here with you sweetheart. Try to remember or even reread what the psychologist sent to you.

Can be a balance sometimes between safe and unsafe venting, especially if it's heading into rumination territory @Captain24 - but appreciate you wanting to offer the space to our lovely @MissGremlin.

Am sorry to hear things are feeling so dark for you. Do you have to be up early, or could you potentially reach out to a crisis service? You definitely don't deserve to be alone with these thoughts. Especially if things are feeling scary.

It’s all ok. I was just giving you the option. But I’m here anyway! @MissGremlin

I know that feeling and I hope it doesn’t come to whatever a breakdown is.

Just eating my dinner now but don’t really want it. I have to though so I can take my meds. Both dogs keep barking and it’s getting too much for me.

Sorting out my meds right now probably isn’t the best thing with the way I’m feeling but it has to be done. I don’t have any sorted for tonight.

Thanks for the reminder of her email. I will go back to it.

Thanks for being here. I hope it doesn’t go as far. But all I’m doing is sitting here doomscrolling so that’s not helpful.

Sorry for getting it wrong @Jynx

I fail at everything. I’m just not good enough. Sorry again for stuffing up as usual

@Captain24 I'm really hoping it doesn't either.

I'm glad you're eating some dinner but can relate to only eating cos you have to. The dogs barking would be alot when things are already tough. I've got alot of noise happening here and it's too much for me so I get it.

Maybe you could just sort out the meds you need for tonight?

No doomscrolling 😂. I'm happy to be here with you sweetheart ❤️.

@Captain24 not what I meant at all. You didn't get anything wrong, what you said was accurate. I was just gently reminding that when things get as challenging as they are for you both right now, it's important to maintain that balance, and seek support off site when things are super dark.

You didn't stuff up, I was just doing my mod job of being the reminder.