I can’t cope

@Captain24 Jett would be easy to move, Pix has attitude 😂. Casper is just heavy and moving him isn't easy, i did tell him to beep beep and he's moved. Now he's laying in front of me with his head across my hips

I don't have a choice as I can't make noise at this time of night. It drives me nuts sometimes, I do walk outside to take Casper out and look at the stars at times though. Can understand wanting to be up early so you can avoid having to talk to people. I have to be up early tomorrow aswell, I'm usually awake from 6.30am and just lay in bed but I'll have to get up tomorrow.

Yes the night sky is beautiful especially when there's no lights around. I'm lucky that my area is pretty dark so I can see lots of stars. When I was in the country it was an absolutely amazing view.

Not making noise would be hard. I’m lucky I can do what I want within reason. No one can hear me if I clean or do anything inside the house. @MissGremlin

My dogs just come and go as they please. The yard is really secure and there is no way they can get out unless someone opens a gate.

It’s pretty dark here too. Not a lot of street lights.

O think I’m going to try and get some sleep. I have really heavy and dark thoughts in my head and I’m imagining doing certain things. My psych knows and I’m safe at the moment but that can change as I’m the step before following through. I dont need to be really tired on top of it all. It’ll just make things worse and less safe

If I don’t get to sleep I’ll pop back in and hope that you are asleep! I hope you nod if soon.

@Captain24 i really hope you can get some sleep sweet, sending you lots of hugs ❤️. If you can't sleep you're welcome to tag me and I'll reply if I'm still awake.

I’m awake after just 4 hours sleep. That’s not enough to get me through the day. I feel so tired and defeated. I’m really struggling with the thought of having to face another day. Part of me doesn’t want to. I do see a solution but I made a promise to stay around. I have to stick to that. (I’m safe)

Morning @Captain24 sweet, I'm sorry that you really didn't get enough sleep last night. I hear how strong that thought of not wanting to to face another day is and i get it. But if it's ok with you we can try to take today one little step at a time together. I'm here for you sweet, sending you lots of love and hugs ❤️.

Hey @MissGremlin

How did you sleep in the end?

One step at a time would be good. I emailed my psych this morning with ‘the barrier has gone and the storm is coming’ I asked to see if she had an appointment Wednesday afternoon. It sounds cryptic but she will totally get that I’m in a bit of trouble.

I have been shopping and have forgotten something so I have to go back at some stage today as I need it for work tomorrow.

I have cleaned the kitchen, done the dishes, packed the dishwasher and cleaned the ensuite. I’m about to go and have a shower and wash my hair. Just waiting on the washing to finish so I can stick the next load in.

I tidied the living room floor to vacuum it but it’s now covered in dog toys again!!! I also made my bed, which I never do and opened the blind in there.

I’ve been pretty busy but I need to be.

No update on my diamond art yet. It still says it’s an hour and a half away. Surely they transferred it to here yesterday

Sorry that’s long.

How’s things going for you?

@Captain24 didn't get much sleep but I'm up and getting ready.

I'm really glad you've emailed your psych and I'm proud of you for doing so. Cryptic maybe but I completely understand and knowing the relationship you have with her i know she'll get it too.

Well done for going shopping, always the way with forgetting something though but at least you can get back out a bit later to get it.

You've done incredible for getting all those things done sweetheart even though I know you need to keep busy, it's still a huge achievement. Hope a shower is relaxing for you.

Really hoping that your diamond art comes soon sweet so that you've got something to focus on.

It's completely ok sweet, I'm here for you. You just might have to deal with my slow replies 😂.

Things are heavy but I'm focused on getting ready, doing what I need to then coming home to relax.

I wrote a poem last night that I shared on my thread, it's not a triggering one but I'm sure alot of people could relate to it if you'd like to have a read it's there ☺️

Sorry you didn’t get much sleep. @MissGremlin

Im working on working around it so I don’t have to go back out. Maybe take an extra drink of something else. Depends on what I pack for lunches.

About to jump in the shower now. Just had to query my Telstra bill but I understand it now. It overdue so I have to pay it when my pay comes in tonight.

Slow replies are fine. I know you have things to do. I’ll just do my best to keep going and stay focused on what I need to do and hope my parcel turns up soon. Aust post deliveries at all varying times so it could come anytime if it may come tomorrow but I’ll be at work.

I’m sorry it’s heavy but at least you are doing things. It’s hard but we have to keep pushing on.

I’ll head over and read it now. I’ve been staying away so it doesn’t influence our conversations on here and you can say as much or as little as you want. Don’t take me not going over as personal it’s to help me help you as the best I can

@Captain24 I'm just about to head out so will reply as soon as I can. But know that I'm still here sitting with you ❤️.

Hello @Captain24 sweet, how's things feeling for you?

I just got back home, was planning on replying when I was out but bumped into someone that knew me and he wouldn't stop talking, I was glad to get called into the appointment 😂.

Have your diamond art arrived yet?

I knew you'd be able to relate to that poem (though i wish you didn't) so was hoping you'd be able to read it.

Anyway I'm here for the rest of the day, have my appointment at 1.30 with my counsellor but that's only a phone call anyway.