I can’t cope

@Captain24 oh sweet, it's completely ok. Thankyou for being here. I hope you can get a good night's sleep sweetheart. Sending you lots of love and hugs ❤️

I’ve just woken up. I am so tired and have zero energy or motivation. I haven’t even put my washing on yet and I have to as I need my clothes for work. All I’m doing is sitting on my lounge room scrolling. I don’t want to face the day. I don’t want to face work tonight. I just want the world to swallow me up while. I want to forget that I even exist. My littlest buddy is sitting on my lap and it’s annoying me. It’s what brings us comfort. My sweet little girl is just laying in her bed looking at me with her pretty little face. My world would be nothing without Pix and Jett but right now they are frustrating me.

I have to get up and do the washing and go shopping but I just can’t move. I have to do it before the gyno rings. I’m actually a little scared of what he is going to say. I don’t care if I need another surgery as it is what it is. I’m just scared of the pain and confinement following and when it will be and organising so much time off work.

Then on top of all that I have those intrusive thoughts swirling around in my head on repeat.

Today feels just too much to face.

Morning @Captain24, I'm here with you sweet. I'm going to respond to your post now but I wanted you to know that you're not alone ❤️.

@Captain24 I'm sorry today is feeling like too much to face but we can take today one little step at a time together ❤️.

Have you been able to get your washing done and the shopping sweet? I know the feeling of your dogs frustrating you and I know it's horrible cos deep down we know we do love them but it's just that things are so hard right now. Try to remember those moments where you've started to feel the love and connection with them again, it's still there just a little bit fuzzy right now.

I know that appointment would feel scary even though you're prepared either way for whatever news comes. The thought of time off work, not being able to get out and the pain especially after what's happened previously would be alot to sit with right now.

I know those thoughts are tough and when they are relentless it can take such a toll. For now let's just take things moment by moment and know that you're not alone ❤️.

Sending you lots of love and hugs sweetheart ❤️

Hey @MissGremlin

Thank you for listening.

Washing is in the line and the shopping is done. Dogs are fed and all the food I got is cut up and in containers and the rest is in the freezer. Other than the other half of the log that I’m taking to mums for her dog. I’m just cooking the sausages now for my curried sausages for dinner for the next few nights at work. It is hard but it just has to be done.

Jett sat in my bedroom when I was putting my hoodie on and was just wagging his tail. Then he jumped up and gave me kisses. I have taught them to lick my nose gentle as a kiss. It made my heart melt. Just waiting for him to call. I’m hoping my sausages are cooked by the time he does ring. I’m also hoping he rings before 11 when I have to drop the dogs to mums and get ready for bed!

Those thoughts are just non-stop. I do have an appointment with my psych on Tuesday. Plus I see my Pdoc in three weeks.

How are you feeling?

@Captain24 you've done so well to get all of that done sweet, well done. I'm so proud of you, I know you're like me and just do it cos it has to be done but it's still such an incredible achievement given how you're feeling.

Awww Jett is honestly the sweetest, I love how you've taught them to give you a little lick on the nose for a kiss. Those moments are honestly everything will our pets and I'm glad you had that with Jett. I taught Casper to put his nose to my nose for a kiss and he'll sneak in a lick too 😂. Hopefully he rings after those sausages are cooked and definitely before you have to drop the dogs off and be able to get some rest before work tonight.

I'm glad you have an appointment with your psych again and also the Pdoc one coming up.

Things are feeling really heavy for me today, I've barely slept and my eye is so sore, everytime it moves it hurts. I've just finished a cuppa and I'm sitting on my bed making a few lucky stars but my head is pounding so I'm probably going to just lay here for a bit watching something on my phone. I need to find the energy to get to the shops but I'm not sure if it's going to happen today.

The sausages are in the curry and the rice is boiling. @MissGremlin. It’s nearly done, then the dishwasher will finish and I have to unpack it 😢. It’s just not stopping today. Then I have to eat and shower. It’s getting too much. My house smells good though!

Things just have to get done and we have to somehow find a way to do them.

It’s sweet to ask for a kiss and get one. My dogs younger are just a little bit smaller though! Pix was just sitting at and looking at me wagging her tail. Just the love they give is amazing and I need to focus on that.

I’m sorry about your eye. Could you go to the chemist and see if they can help? That means getting out though. Maybe you could go to the shops while you are there?

Bed days are ok. I like how you are making your stars though. I just lay there doing nothing. I’ve been really good with the bed days lately though. I haven’t really had any. But it is ok by my psych as long as it’s not everyday and I don’t get out.

@Captain24 glad the sausages are in the curry and the rice is boiling, I bet the house sleeps amazing. I hear you on things not stopping, try to just focus on one thing at a time sweet.

It's very sweet to ask for a kiss and get one, their love is truly unconditional. Aww sweet Pix ❤️.

My eye will get better on its own but I need to be able to sleep in order for it to do so. I have some eye drops here that I was prescribed when it's happened before but I struggle with using them. I don't even think my car will start and even if it does i might end up stuck when I'm out, it's giving me so much anxiety.

Yes bed days are ok as long as it's not constantly. You've been doing really well sweet especially with getting out daily. I've packed up my stars for now and I'm just laying in bed.

Lunches are packed and dishes are done. Just have 10 minutes until my dishwasher is finished and I can unpack it and repack it with what I didn’t wash. Then I’ll clean the benches and it’s all done. @MissGremlin. I might go and have a quick shower and then all I have to do is eat but I’m not really hungry. I might just have some weetbix.

I have trouble with eye drops. Mum has to pin me on the bed and pry my eye open to put them in! I don’t like anything near my eyes. I use to have trouble with make up and I was hell if someone else was doing it. It’s the reason I stopped using contact lenses. I couldn’t poke my eye everyday!

I can understand the anxiety around your car. Is it just a new battery that it needs? Would it be cheaper to buy one and put it in yourself?

I have been doing well. We will see what happens on my next break. I haven’t no money so I can’t do much. I don’t get paid until Friday and I go back to work that day. I’m just going to have rice and tuna for work lunches as I have it here. If my pay goes in Thursday night I might do a quick shop then but it won’t be until after 6 and I need fuel!

@Captain24 yay for lunches being packed and the dishes done. You've done so well sweet. A shower sounds good and then having something to eat even if it's just weetbix.

Oh i get it, I don't like anything near my eyes either and don't wear make-up. I'd be pretty screwed if I ever need glasses cos I can't wear them as it's too much pressure on my nose (i broke it when i was younger) and I couldn't do contact lenses.

There's actually nothing wrong with the battery itself but there's so many other things wrong with my car. I physically don't have the money to do anything about any of it.

Just take it one step at a time next break sweet, even if getting out just means going for a walk outside for a bit. It's hard having to wait until pay day especially when you go back to work that day, hoping you get paid on the Thursday so you can get some things and fuel.