I can’t cope

I’m glad you have started @MissGremlin

No.. I told you I would be around.

How was your day?

@Captain24 it's ok if you need to get some sleep sweet, i know you must be exhausted after work and you have your appointment tomorrow to get your results.

My day has been really hard. I can't really talk about it at the moment cos I don't think I'd be able to do it in a recovery focused way and i don't want to get in trouble. I'm safe though and just doing my best.

It’s ok. I’ll hang around for a bit longer for you @MissGremlin

I wish I knew what time he was going to call! I have to get up early and go to the butchers and pet food shop so I’m home for the dogs breakfast and to then just sit and wait for the call. I don’t really want to be out anywhere and discuss my uterus!

I get the recovery focus thing. It makes it really hard sometimes. But you are allowed to vent as long as you are safe and say what you want from the community and right now you want support so that covers that!

If you’re not comfortable I understand.

Do you have anything on tomorrow?

@Captain24 i really appreciate it sweet but please if you do need to sleep know that it's ok.

It would be nice to know when he's going to ring especially when it's discussing something personal. Hope you can get to the butchers and pet shop before he rings.

I woke up this morning with a migraine but only had a little bit of sleep last night as I kept waking up in a panic. I also woke up with a bloodshot red eye from not getting enough sleep, it's really sore. One of my teeth is infected again so it's also causing me alot of pain. I spent the day laying in bed until 4.45pm when I got up to make something to eat, I didn't get dressed or do my hair. Then I started thinking that I should give Casper up, I don't feel like I deserve him and I'm feeling disconnected from him at the moment. It's just been a really hard day full of pain and lots of heavy thoughts/feelings. Yes I'm safe and I'm in bed, trying to do my diamond art.

I don't have anything on tomorrow.

I know I've asked before, but do you go out for walks and stuff in the morning so that hopefully, by the evening, you are tired enough to doze off? @MissGremlin

@tyme no i don't. But even if I've been actively doing things, come bedtime I'm still stuck awake.

Mars bar! I LOVE that story. Good on you. Your Pop will be looking down and smiling 🙂

@Captain24

Yes please! I'm waiting to hear about the results. Take a deep breath knowing that it is what it is.

How truly amazing that you have lived with the 'not-knowing' for so long!

Post and tag me whenever because I WILL get to it as soon as I'm able 🙂 That's the beauty of the forums. We are here even when we're not here 🙂

So what time do you leave home tomorrow?

I took the kids out for lunch today. They wanted sushi, but I didn't want to drive and get sushi, so I took them to have Vietnamese food. (I think it's Viet). They had tomato rice with salt and pepper chicken ribs and I had noodles.

Tomorrow, I'm going out for lunch with a few colleagues. Other than that, I don't know 🙂 I've got some more life admin to do, but at least I've serviced my car, got it cleaned, went to the doc to get a script, packed up all the camping stuff, done the laundry.... that's all an achievement 🙂

What's on the agenda for your morning tomorrow?

That does sound like a hard day. @MissGremlin. Thank you for sharing and trusting me.

Don’t worry about the disconnect from Casper. You still love him and he is your comfort. It just feels a little distant right now. I totally know what that is like. I’ve just been through it and resented Pix for having diabetes and making everything hard. I’ve come to terms kind of with the diabetes but my attachment to my dogs is returning and your will too. You don’t want to make that decision when you are in the mental state that you’re in. He loves you and wouldn’t want to lose you, you’re his whole world.

Maybe another day in bed is called for? I never get dressed or do my hair unless I’m leaving the house and now it’s winter and I wear hoodies I don’t even put a bra on!

Oh no @MissGremlin ! Tooth aches are terrible! No wonder you've been getting migraines too. You poor thing. I hope you get some relief.

Do you need to go to the dental hospital or the dentist?

Ok I will tag you. @tyme I don’t care either way what the results are I just want to know! I need to plan stuff and I don’t like not know what is going on!

I get up at 4:30 tomorrow afternoon and leave at 5:30. I won’t get home until just before 8.

Sounds nice with the kids. Well done on getting so much done today! I’m impressed!

I hope lunch is good. It would be nice to go out with friends and I hope you enjoy it and look after yourself when you get home!

I have to go do the dog food shop and the butchers at 8 to be home for the dogs breakfast at 8:30. Then I’m going to cook curried sausages for work dinners and hang around and wait for this call from my gyno. Drop the dogs in at 11 and then come home and go to bed!