I can’t cope

Morning @Captain24 sweet, you've done amazing to get so much done. Try to take it easy for a bit now sweet, if you push too hard you may make your recovery process longer.

Awww Jett and Pix look so cute snuggled up together 😍.

I’ve stopped @MissGremlin. I need to look after self but I have done heaps since 3:30 plus now I have built 2 mini brick kits. I have 3 to go and that series is done. But my back is hurting from sitting in the stool at my kitchen bench so now I’m going to try some diamond art.

I know I need to go back to bed and try and get some sleep but I’m too awake for that.

How are you feeling?

@Captain24 I'm glad you've stopped. Well done for building 2 mini brick kits.

Really hoping you can get some rest soon sweet.

I'm struggling a bit here today. I need to get up and go to the shops but I can't seem to get myself out of bed (I'm safe).

@Captain24 Showering daily is a great achievement, I can understand how hard it can be - when doing my ASD/ADHD assessment I was rated as "extreme" on it because of my emotional barriers to it. *hugs* you are doing well, even when it may only be a small thing like an almost-daily shower.

I am in the preparation-stage for the trial still. Formally accepted (as long as I don't deteriorate too much and get kicked out I guess?), but it's a month until the intensive treatment starts.

@Captain24 "Bipolar has its own stigma attached as it is. Those comments are always in the back of my mind but I don’t really let them get to me. "

I don't know much about the stigma of bipolar (and don't have bipolar myself, so no lived experience of it) and haven't had the opportunity to have conversations with people about the stigma they experience - only how it affect their life at times.

If you would like/benefit from sharing with me the stigma you experience from the bipolar/diagnosis, please know I am very interested to hear -- but I also would never expect you to share or want it to be a burden on you to educate me (I am aware SANE recently did a webinar for Bipolar Awareness, but I haven't yet listened to it -- you inspire me to! as they may discuss stimga in it??)

I’m trying the almost daily @AlwaysMyself. But it’s not easy.

A month to go is good. Hopefully you stay well enough to be able to do it. You have done so much work for it.

The webinar is tomorrow so I’m going to watch it since I’m off work.

People think that people with bipolar are crazy and unsafe. They see the manic side as losing all sense of reality. That you are out of control in an extreme way. You make yourself and others dangerously unsafe.

It’s not like that at all. Some people do experience that but from what I’ve found it’s very rare.

I did say something to someone at work and their comment was I shouldn’t be working there and they asked if the bosses know. The look he gave me was of disgust.

I’ve just spent 4 hours doing diamond art @MissGremlin. I’m going to go and try and get some sleep. I’m not tired so I’ll see how I go. I’ve just taken some pain relief and sometimes that helps me sleep. I need to try and break this hypomania that’s coming. All the signs are there.

I hope you got to the shops if you really needed to. Can it wait until tomorrow? Bed days are ok especially when we are struggling.

@Captain24 Thank you.

Well, I can affirm for you that I do not think any of my bipolar friends are: crazy, unsafe, or "too extreme".

I do see they have strong passions (😍), challenges when in a mania or depression (empathy for them), and are self-aware that if they don't seek support then it can put themselves (or others) at risk - but they are responsible and work with their doctors and friends/family/supports to help notice early warning signs. 🤗. In my eyes, they are in a really tough situation and they do their best, and that is enough.

I'm so sorry that someone at work did not feel you were "able to work" and questioned your ability. That would be so painful and hurtful. It sounds like they do not have a true understanding of you or your situation (except for it due to the fatigue you are feeling? as you mentioned that can be a real risk when driving).

I had a workmate with bipolar (he told me; his boss knew. most others didn't know what type of "sickness") - he was off work for 1 month at a time sometimes, without notice/predictability. It could make it hard for the rest of us but only because the workplace did not have a back-up plan for people being sick!! It's not his fault - our workplace failed us all in that. It happened for those with physical illness too.

It probably helped that his boss also had bipolar and understood from a lived experience too.

Coworkers were just told he was "on leave for the next month" 😊 and to plan accordingly.

I've been on leave for 3 months so far, and have another 3 months at least of leave. I was really concerned about this last year prior to going on leave (knowing it would be extended, and that my doctor would only initially write a 1-month certificate, and how that would affect business/staffing plans for my managers when I can't tell them it will be xx-months in total). HR assured me that it was their responsibility (HR & managers) to work this out, and not mine to worry about, and that things like this happen with other employees too and they manage it OK. Now, I did have an amazing HR person (and still do in my new ones), and I know not everyone has that experience 😓. But I hope this can be encouraging and validating that it is not you that is the problem. If my HR advise me that its HR's responsibility -- take trust that it should also apply to you too (even if HR fail you in it. It's a "them" issue).

@Captain24 side-ways isn't always a bad thing. Here I drew a very bad sketch of what I mean 😂

If the image itself isn't a comfort I hope you at least get a chuckle out of my fabulous, flawless, drawing skills 😝

It may take time, but pushing in the direction that wasn't working was probably exhausting, and if the sideways move means not doing that, you may at least begin to recuperate some energy!

Glad to hear Pix seems to be improving and getting used to the 'new normal'. Hopefully she will notice that she feels better with the treatment and be able to accept that even though there's ouchy needle times now, there's also more energy and more healthy feelings day-to-day.

Break from the rain, finally! Tried to get a bit of sun again today but it was a bit bitey ☀️ Might try to get out again when it's a bit lower in the sky 😊

Hope the sleet is easing off for you? Sounds so gnarly!!

You need to know your warning signs but it’s not always easy to pick up. @AlwaysMyself. People at work can’t even tell what is happening with me. I keep it fairly well hidden plus I only see people for about and hour and a half in a 12.5 hour shift.

It is hard to manage but I find with my supports and meds it does help. It could be a lot worse. There is also a high % that people die by suicide with bipolar.

My bosses know and the HR superintendent, I do have a little bit of support. Not that I tell them anything as they fear the unsafe of my job but it is a dangerous one. Replacing me isn’t hard though, they just put a call out for overtime..

Im sorry your work mate had to take so much time off. It is hard to work through though. It takes a lot to get to work and actually do it. My exhaustion from last week was really unusual. I haven’t really had that before. It was a bit of a shock.

It must have been hard knowing that you were leaving them with extra work but you need to put yourself first and work on healing and recovering.