I can’t cope

@Captain24 i hear you sweet. It's helpful when you have someone that gets it. I'm the same, holding a conversation is impossible at the moment though I'm at least getting better when it comes to typing just not verbally talking yet. I completely get that, it's one thing here where we share our problems and support each other but when people just dump everything on you and don't take the time to listen to your problems well that's another matter.

Try to not compare your struggles to others sweet, we all feel things differently. Something that might seem minor to one person could feel like the end of the world for another. Also remember that when we have alot going on, things that would usually feel minor can feel incredibly heavy and that's cos its hard to cope with multiple things at once.

Cleaning the vents is alot of effort, I've got to scrub them soon and now I'm like why did I decide to do this 😂. Can understand wanting to save a bit just in case something happens.

That's frustrating to have to wait until Monday to ring again.

I'm sitting on my lounge with a movie playing in the background, trying to find the energy to scrub the vents.

@Captain24

"He has had depression on the past and for him it helped to get out and do things. Plus he learnt to train his dogs. So he gets the depression side of things but I don’t think he understands that this is different. "

I have hit this barrier with so many people in the past too 😢.

Actually its part of why autism made so much sense for me, helped me understand why many others (MH professionals and well-intent friends) just didnt get it and couldnt see why their "solutions" didnt help, but actually made things worse.

My best friend always has drama. It’s constant. But she has been really honest with me and says that she doesn’t know what to say or how to help me. I can’t talk to her but I appreciate her honesty. @MissGremlin

I get compared in my family. I have a cousin with bipolar 2 as well. His mum said mine mustn’t be as bad as I can work. I don’t choose to work, I have to work and it can be really damn hard some days. But if I didn’t get out and work I’d be less functioning and wouldn’t be able to afford the support that is getting me through. My auntie got diagnosed with bipolar lat last year. She said hers was worse than mine as she was in hospital and had been scheduled. Now she is saying mine is worse as I see a psychiatrist and she doesn’t. So I’m compared a lot and it makes me compare myself and I feel judged.

Hahaha I know that, the start of something and then the ‘oh no’ I have to finish it now! I do that when I’m sorting stuff like the pantry, everything will be in the bench and I’ve had enough but it all has to go back in. It will feel better when it’s done though. I hope you do find the energy.

I just had a sleep. I told the dogs I was going to bed so they ran down the hall and beat me to my room and then decided it was play time! They did settle though.

It’s hard. I want to listen to him as that’s the people pleaser in me but I’m just not capable of it at all. I just went to bed and slept because that’s all I had the energy to do. The last thing I want to do is talk to people. His depression and my depression are clearly different. I appreciate what worked for him but I’m not at that stage.

Im glad you get it as I feel like I’m letting him down. The only thing I am trying is to shower everyday but I missed yesterday and haven’t showered yet today. @AlwaysMyself. I think that’s a reasonable thing to try.

How are things going for you? Have you started that trail yet?

@Captain24 I'm glad she's honest with you but I know it must be hard to not be able to share with her.

That sounds really tough, I have similar but more that I'm competed with though there is comparison in amongst it aswell. Thing with mental health is that it affects people so differently, some can function working, socialising etc, others can't. Some need intense therapy, others have found ways to help themselves. Our struggles are our own and noone understands how they affect us other than ourselves so noone has the right to judge us.

Haha yes, it's like you get that motivation to start something them half way through it's like why? 😂. I do it all the time. I've scrubbed the vents to the exhaust fans so now it's just the aircon vents but there's like 20 of them, so much effort 😂.

Cheeky pups, funny though but I'm glad they settled so you could have a sleep.

I think she shares her stuff with me as I understand what it’s like to feel downhearted and that there is nothing you can do. @MissGremlin

Bipolar has its own stigma attached as it is. Those comments are always in the back of my mind but I don’t really let them get to me.

Everyone’s battle is different. My Pdoc is shocked that I’m working at the moment especially with long hours and shift work. That was nice though, it made me feel a little warm and fuzzy inside.

At least you got them done! That’s a lot of air con vents! Maybe a couple at a time. You’ve got me wanting to check mine now! Maybe towards the end of the week I’ll have a look at the couple that I use.

Since Pix has recovered from her pancreatitis and on insulin she is a completely different dog. They play all the time. It’s not funny at 10pm when it’s actually bedtime! 😂

Ive got music playing in my tv and I’m trying to do some diamond art but it’s not holding my attention. At least I’m trying.

What are you up to now the vents are done?

@Captain24 that's understandable, though it sucks that we know what it feels like.

Yes it does, mental health still has alot of stigma to it.

You are doing incredibly well to still be working though I know it's not easy, just that fact that you do it is amazing.

It is alot but I just did them all, they are drying now. I've been meaning to clean them for a while but just haven't been able to so it feels good to have finally done them.

Haha awww at least she's playing, I'm glad she is doing so much better. But yes 10pm is not playtime 😂.

You are trying and that's something to be proud of sweet.

I just sat for a few minutes but I went for a walk outside my yard just before.

It is hard at times but it’s also a break at times as well. @MissGremlin. My psych didn’t want me working this week after my exhaustion last week and struggling to stay awake. It was dangerous and she was worried about me driving home. My GP didn’t want me at work either. But I took this block off anyway for my surgery. The break is good though. Hopefully I will feel better when I go back. But sleeping everyday is not a good sign.

I’m glad you got them done. Now for them to dry and put them all back! 😂

Ive done a couple of colours of the section I’m doing. Just have to finish this o e and 7 more sections to go! It’s a big one. 40x30. All full square drills. Maybe if I keep doing it I’ll get back into it. I’ve set myself until 5 and see what happens after that.

She was even jumping on mum and dad’s lounge with the other two when mum had them Thursday! She hasn’t done that in a long time. She has lost weight too though. It’s good to see her young again.

A walk outside sounds nice. Do you have a garden or anything? I’ve been walking around when I have a smoke. I just have grass but it’s quite a big yard!

Perking up ANY way is better than no way @Captain24 . I think it's the hardest when things flatline whether it's flatlining at the bottom, middle or top... flatline is boring.

What'd you get up to today?

How are you feeling post-op?

Having a laugh was good @tyme. It also feels good to have given up trying and pushing. I know that’s wrong but it’s easier.

Im still exhausted and having a sleep everyday. That needs to stop. But I have also tried being in the sun for a little bit today.

I have just done a couple of hours of diamond art. I finished off the section that I started well over 6 months ago. Just 7 sections to go! It’s the first section 😂 I also had music playing softly in the background. I can’t cope with much noise at the moment but softly helped a little.

Im thinking I may try and cook some dinner.

How was your day?