I can’t cope

Morning @Captain24 sweet, how's things feeling for you today?

Morning @MissGremlin

Im not feeling quite as good as yesterday. Maybe it was the pain relief they gave me. It was super strong and a few doses. The kind severe drug addicts want. If that gives you an idea of what it may be.

But I’ll just see what today brings.

How’s things for you.

@Captain24 sorry you aren't feeling quite as good as yesterday sweet. That definitely gives an idea of what they gave you.

Have you got any idea of what you might do today?

I'm feeling very achey, think I've picked up a cold from being so run down. My head is still pounding which I'm honestly over. Might make a cuppa soon and then just try to relax for the day.

I have no idea of what to do. I don’t really feel like doing anything. That hasn’t changed. That’s why I know I’m still in freeze. Just see what the day brings I guess. @MissGremlin

Relaxing for the day sounds good. I often feel achy and like I’m getting a cold and it never comes. I read somewhere that depression can cause that feeling as it affects your body as well. I’m hoping that you aren’t getting one as that will just make everything so much worse.

I might sit in the sun for a little while while it’s still around. It’s not as cold today.

@Captain24 that's ok sweet, there's no pressure to do anything. I do understand still being in that freeze, I'm still there but there's moments when I'm not.

That's what I'm thinking, I think maybe I'm sore cos I've been carrying so much tension. Definitely don't need to get sick at the moment, there's already enough going on. I just started crying but I don't know why, everything feels so incredibly heavy at the moment (I'm safe). I made a cuppa and grabbed some pain relief, I'm also going to have some breakfast.

Sitting in the sun sounds like a perfect idea and definitely try to enjoy it whilst it's there.

It feels like less stress being in freeze now that I’ve stopped trying @MissGremlin I do think the new antidepressants are working for it though. It’s scary to be out of it at times though..

Just let the cry happen. You have so much grief and stress going on. Maybe you just need the release. Coming from me who won’t allow myself to cry 😂. I do feel a little better afterwards though. Not that I like to admit it.

I hope a cuppa and breakfast helps you. My psych keeps telling me to eat a little more even if it’s just a muesli bar or something. But I did manage 2 meals yesterday. See what today brings.

The sun is nice. I’ve been in the phone to mum and just sat out here. I really feel the need for connection right now. That’s unusual too.

@Captain24 accepting the state we are in can help to alleviate the pressure of it. We just have to ride it out and do the best we can to cope during the tough moments. Can definitely relate to the scary feeling of the moments coming out of it, the moments that I'm out of it are manic feelings though.

The tears that come I'm not able to hold back which feels scary cos I don't like not having control over them. I haven't been able to process everything that's happening, allowing myself to feel the emotions and feelings around it is scary and being alone in it all makes it so much harder. Having a cry can make things feel better, even if at the time it's hard to sit with.

The cuppa and breakfast was nice, I'm about to hop in the shower and I'm hoping that helps a bit with the way I'm feeling. Having 2 meals yesterday is a good start, I know it's hard to eat much sometimes, I usually only have 1 meal a day myself.

I'm glad you've been sitting in the sun and chatting to your mum. I get that need for connection, I'll be around all day and I'm always happy to chat to you if you are up for it ☺️

It does feel easier but it also feels like I have given up but I feel calmer @MissGremlin The manic is scary though. I had someone once say at least with bipolar you get manic and happy times. But it’s not like that.

I wish you weren’t alone. You have us but I know that that is so different to having an actual shoulder. Someone that can just hold you through it all. I don’t have anyone around that actually cares but at the same time I want to be left alone.

It is hard to sit with it it hurts some much. I feel like I’ll never stop if I let it go. You have so much to process though. I just have general stuff not what you have.

I hope the shower was nice. Maybe that’s something I could try. 2 meals was huge for me. I usually just have dinner as I need to eat to have my meds or I’m physically sick.

Im just in the phone to my bank as I have a transaction that is not mine on my account for $165. I’m not sure what happens but I want it sorted.

The sun is nice though.

@Captain24 oh it's definitely not like that at all. The mania is scary, I don't get happy times like that but rather it's just that everything is in complete overdrive, with very occasional moments where things feel lighter?. It's actually really hard to describe but those that experience it get it.

It really is so different, I love the connection here and knowing there's a community of support. But lately I've had moments where I just want to be held, to be comforted and feel safe but there's noone that can do that. Then I have those moments where I just want to be left alone too.

Yes that's the same, I feel like if I start I won't be able to stop. The things you are going through are still big things sweet, they are still heavy and hard to carry.

The shower was ok but I was hoping it would help with how I'm feeling, though I still feel blah. I've just taken down the air vent things to clean so they are soaking in the bath.

That's a worry about the bank transaction, I'm hoping you can get it sorted easily sweet.

I do sometimes get happy times but not often. @MissGremlin. Mostly it’s distressing.

It’s so much the same as me. At least we get each other. My GP doesn’t get it but the others do. I can’t carry on a conversation at the moment and the last thing I want to hear is peoples troubles. I have enough of my own. I’m not talking about in here though. I’m happy to help and listen as we are all in the same page and get it. We support each other.

They are heavy and hard but I do see that people are much worse off. Doesn’t make my situation any easier for me though.

I should probably do that one day. I’m thinking of getting my aircon cleaned and serviced. Just not sure of the cost. I’m trying to save some money so I have a little back up if anything like Pix’s vet bills happen again.

It does concern me but they can’t do anything until the transaction actually goes through and isn’t pending. I have to ring back on Monday and they will put a stop on it then. Not sure what happens after that.

Hows your day shaping up after your cry?