I can’t cope

You did leave me speechless @Jynx.

I do want to believe but I also think dod

you just say that because you had to. I know that you didn’t but it’s hard. Just have the feeling of maybe just a little bit of progress gives me a tinsy tiny little piece of hope. Especially when I have none.

Im about to go to bed now and hopefully I sleep well. It got to about 2 this morning and I struggled to function. All I wanted to do was sleep. I was in a truck that I could just park up so I did. I’m just hoping tonight is easier.

Hey @tyme.

Thanks for thinking of me.

Im still the same, i dont think anything has shifted just so tired. Tired like I haven’t felt in a long time. I really struggled from 2am onwards. I didn’t finish until 7! So it was a long night.

When things do get worse I do have a safety plan. My GP has been through it, my Pdoc asked if I had one and if it was up to date. My psych works on it all the time. When we discover something that works she makes me add it on the spot. Plus I have to look at it all the time so I’m familiar with it. I do use it to regulate at times.

I slept for 7 hours and I’m still really tired. This exhaustion is really getting to me. I’m so tired that I can’t even think straight. My body is so heavy, it just aches. I can’t even barely keep my eyes open. I just want to sleep. Not even to forget just to rest. My mind is tired.

Same here @Captain24 ! I'm so so so lethargic so I'm sure my iron is really low. I need to make sure it doesn't drop to 3 - which it has in the past! I've taken my supplements for now @Captain24

This lethargic is different to just being tired. It weighs you right down... so for now, let's see how it goes.

Do you have challenges with your iron levels too?

I just feel pure and utter exhaustion @tyme. It is weighing me down. I feel heavy and weak at the same time. It’s just a struggle to do anything as I’m just so tired.

My last lot of blood tests said I had low iron so I did take supplements back then. I can wait until I’ve had the surgery and see if that helps.

Im really scared. I had 2 calls from the medical centre yesterday while I was sleeping. My GP wants to make an appointment this week. I’m guessing the Pdoc did ring him. I’m scared that they are all going to work together against me. I know I’m shit down, I know I’m in freeze and it’s really hard but they are worried about my safety but I am safe. I don’t have the energy not to be. I get they are concerned for when I get out of this and that is scaring me also because they are so worried. My psych even said to keep her updated but nothing has changed. She never asks for updates. What are they going to do to me?

Hey @Captain24

I hear that the calls from the medical centre felt scary, it's understandable especially if you were asleep and didn't expect them. But from what you've shared, it sounds like your GP is just wanting to check in because they're concerned about your wellbeing - not at all to work against you, or do things behind your back - but to make sure that you are safe and supported.

Would it feel manageable to return their call, or would you prefer to wait until the appointment? You deserve to have an open discussion and tell them where you are at. I totally understand that these appointments can feel anxiety provoking, but I promise that no one is 'against you.'

Often the anticipatory anxiety is also far worse than the call or appointment itself.
In the meantime, the community is here to support you - you aren't alone.

Thinking of you💛

~ @Honeymoon

Hey @Honeymoon

It is scary. I missed the calls because I was asleep so I’ll have to try and ring them tomorrow. My psychiatrist wants me in hospital. Im hoping he doesn’t agree.

What can they all do? I’m stuck in freeze and I’m exhausted. I only have limited time this week to see him as I have sleep tomorrow, vet appointment and psychologist Tuesday, may have to go to the town my surgery is in if my surgery is early, Thursday is surgery day and Friday I can’t drive as I’m not allowed to drive for 24 hours. It’s a big week. I’m already stressed about it all. They all want to support me so I’m hoping that is all it is. I’ve never actually had so much concern around me, that in itself is anxiety provoking!

I need to not overthink it but it’s hard not to come to the worst case scenario. I do hope he listens though about the exhaustion and not just blame it on nightshift. This is different and I know it. It shouldn’t be this hard to go to work, I shouldn’t be falling asleep at 2am, I don’t usually. Usually I do quite well with it. I’ve just been watching the clock until it’s home time. I’m not a clock watcher either, unless it’s for dinner break and I’m starving! 😂

That's a lot on your plate.

Alll I can say is that people don't put people in hospital for 'nothing'. It's has to be 'needed' for them to suggest and push for it. Don't you think so?

Whatever happens, let it be. I can see they are all worried about you.

How has your day been anyway? @Captain24

Hello @Captain24 sweet, just popping by to let you know that I'm thinking about you. I'm sorry I've been absent, Saturday i was dealt some tragic news.

I hope your day goes ok sweetheart, sending you love and hugs ❤️

Hey @MissGremlin

Im so sorry to read the news. Sending my love and condolences. It’s a hard loss and a lot to take in.

Thinking of you.

Take all the time you need. I haven’t really been around much either as I’ve been on nightshifts. I’m about to head to bed.