I can’t cope

She also asked about my personal hygiene and my eating habits @AuntGlow. This is the first time she has asked. She doesn’t do ED’s so she leaves that to my dietitian. She wants me to keep a toothbrush and toothpaste beside my bed to help make sure I brush my teeth. She was concerned about th showering but I told her I showered before work so it think that was ok. She wants me to eat breakfast so that my meds absorb correctly especially now that I have an antidepressant to take in the mornings.

She wants me to try and do more diamond art for the monotony of it. Just that there is no thinking or concentration involved. Especially as I come out of the freeze. I’m not sure I’m coming out but she thinks maybe.

I didn’t sleep well and I feel really tired but I have to go to work so I just need to get over myself and go. Hopefully it’s not the new med making me so tired as I have to get through a full day!

I struggled today. I was so tired and I still am. I haven’t taken my sleep meds in the hope that I won’t be as tired. Suggest by my Pdoc!

So many questions. Am I tired because of the new med? Am I tired because it’s been a big few days? Am I tired with the stress of everyone being concerned about me? I’m a just exhausted because of everything that’s been going on? Is it my mental state making me tired? Or am I just tired? It can’t be simple.

Heya @Captain24 !

So good to see you and to be here.

I apologise I haven't caught up yet, but I just wanted to swing past.

I'm sorry you are feeling so tired. I was feeling a bit that way too... my iron was so low.

Did you work today?

Hey @tyme

It’s good to see you too. I won’t be around long though.

I did work today and I’ve got tomorrow dayshift as well.

How are you?

Dayshift as in a 4:30am get-up? Erghh.... that's too early.

Things are okayish on my side. It's just nice to be here. It feels like it's been forever!

Don't feel obliged to respond. You do you. Do what you have to, esp if you are waking up early tomorrrow.

What's been happening? Hope Pix is okay too. @Captain24

Yeah 4:30. @tyme

Okayish in a good way or a bad way?

Pix is being really hard to get the needle into. I’m already detached from them and this is making it harder.

I saw my Pdoc and she wants me in hospital and I said no so she is calling me in 3 weeks to check in. She put me in a second antidepressant. I saw my psych yesterday and I have to email her with any changes in mood. It’s quite scary how concerned everyone is.

They are all worried about me coming out of freeze and into the next step.

That's really stressful @Captain24 . I'm hearing how concerned they are. With the closure of the clinic, what does 'hospital' look like? Public?

How are you feeling about it all? It sounds like things are really hard right now.

I'm sorry that you've been feeling disconnected from Jett and Pix too.

Aww @Captain24 I really hear how overloaded you are right now with everything going on. Honestly, it is just SO MUCH, with Pix's illness, upcoming surgery that is really nerve-wracking, unable to take time off work, and trying to manage your mental health all at once... I'm just here thinking 'no wonder you are in functional freeze'!! I know you are finding it difficult not to be hard on yourself about it but to me it makes perfect sense.

I hope that the new med does end up being helpful, though I imagine it will take time to adjust to it and really feel the effects. I think you're tired because of everything you mentioned, plus all of the above! You truly are a warrior hun, to be facing all of this and still trying every day to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Proud of you. And we are all rooting for you too, that's for sure.

Sending some very squishy hugs! 💜

(づ ᴗ _ᴗ)づ♡

Hello @Captain24 sweet, just wanted to pop in and let you know that I'm thinking about you. I'm sorry I haven't been around much, it's been hard to communicate lately. Sending you love and hugs sweetheart ❤️

Hospital would still be private just not in the same place. My friend goes to another one and she said it’s not as good as what we had but I would try there. @tyme

Im not going to hospital. I just have to get through it. Apparently things are going to get harder before they get better.

I feel so bad about Pix and Jett. I love them so much and they love me but it’s just not the same. My psych said it will come back.