I can’t cope

I’m glad you are getting your hand x-ray done @MissGremlin

I know it’s really hard and hard to organise but I do think the best place for you is hospital. If I was able to organise it I’d be there but I also have a great deal of support around me.

I will ride this with you. I wish we didn’t have to though.

@Captain24 it's impossible to organise it until it's actually at crisis point for me which makes it both harder and scarier (I'm safe). But my doctor knows without support from proper services that it's inevitable. He's so disappointed that noone can or will help me, he's just at a loss of what to do.

I'm so glad you have support around you sweetheart and you deserve it so much.

I wish we didn't have to either but I'm glad we have each other and the community here.

I get that @MissGremlin. I wish some one would help you. I struggle to know why no one will.

I am lucky.

We do have each other. She has me watching myself really closely but I really don’t think things have changed. I guess I just have to wait and see plus the new antidepressants may rise me out of the freeze.

@Captain24 it hurts that noone will help me, even the service we did as a last resort won't help but then they gave up on me previously after attempts several years ago now so there wasn't much hope in them helping now.

I'm glad you've got things in place and watching yourself closely is a good idea. For now sweetheart we take things one day at a time and if that's to much we take it one second at a time, but we can get through this ❤️

I’m so sorry @MissGremlin

She does have me scared but I need to not over think it and I need to just take it moment by moment.

@Captain24 moment by moment and we are in this together sweetheart ❤️

I understand @Captain24 💛

How was your training and medical?

I have absolute trust that this will shift for you - the fact it does feel scary and heartbreaking shows just how much your babies mean to you. Your care and love is absolutely still there. 🫶

I am glad to hear your pdoc is really listening to you and taking the best steps possible to help keep you safe. How are you feeling about this new medication?

I think it's okay to meet yourself where you're at and take it slow... what happens if you practice really allowing yourself to take things slow?

Perhaps exploring this could be an act of self-compassion?

Well, I know this isn't your own reframe, but from my perspective - it sounds like you're feeling really understandable feelings and experiencing very human challenges in response to some incredibly vulnerable things that have happened, which have been out of your control. What are your thoughts on this? 🫶

The unknown really would feel so scary... and I don't want to invalidate your fears, because they are allowed to be there. Maybe we can look at situations (like when you took action today to get support) as wins and ways you have shown up for yourself?

We will definitely be here to check-in and help you reflect on what's coming up for you. 🥰

The training wasn’t much. Most of the time I was at the medical, it took a couple of hours. They ask some totally irrelevant questions. The did a DAS and I lied all the way through it! @AuntGlow. I also failed the spirometer test.

I told my psych today that I was sad that I’m so disconnected from them. That it’s really hard for me to even pretend to them.

I took it this morning and I’m so tired now. I really want to go to bed but I have to wait for Pix’s dinner. I’m hoping it works.

I just have to deal with it. Just wait for it to lift. I can only take it moment by moment and not over think it.

I guess that’s it. It has been out of my control and I have to do it all again. I guess that’s also a wait and see what happens. I’m just tired of having to sit and wait. It seems that that is all my life is. Sit in the really uncomfortable with no hope.

I haven’t really shown up for myself though. I’ve just done nothing.

Dogs are finally fed and now I’m in bed. Have a good night.

I just saw your post from a couple of hours ago too, I am sorry. I often work backwards with my notifications, but that was very helpful context surrounding your appointment. @Captain24 It sounds like your psychologist is taking everything very seriously and wanting to ensure you're being taken care of. I know she is worried about safety and the disconnection you are experiencing... what else did she say? Has she provided any advice or reflections about what you're going through?

I understand why the sitting and waiting would feel utterly uncomfortable, it's a lot for one person to go through.

You doing anything right now is showing up for yourself. Any ounce of trying, loving, caring for you and for Pix/Jett is an act of self-care and nurturing. Maybe if we can practice acknowledging it as such, that might help a bit too?

I know you are heading to bed now, so I hope you get some well-deserved rest - chat more tomorrow. 💛