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Hi. I’m new and have never been in anything like this before. I’m really struggling with depression at the moment and just need a place to vent. there is no reason as to why I feel this way. I just hate myself and feel like I’m an unworthy and useless person. I don’t have a partner or many friends. I feel like I keep pushing them away when I’m down. I’m just not worthy of them. I hate life and just wish I would go to sleep and not wake up. I feel so much emotional pain inside but numb at the same time. None of this makes any sense but it just how I feel.
@Captain24 you're not letting anyone down sweetheart.
I hope you can get a good sleep, sending you hugs beautiful ❤️.
I second this @Captain24 you getting rest is a big win in my books - always glad to hear you looking after yourself (even if going to bed doesn't feel like that's what you're doing, but it is!!). Nighty night hun 💜
In response to: I can’t cope
AlwaysMyselfSenior Contributor
Re: I can’t cope
@Captain24 wrote:
I am looking forward to seeing my psych though. Just to talk. Just have someone that I can tell it all too. I will probably breakdown though so that’s concerning.
I don’t know what I can do. It’s all overwhelming. I know I need to see what it all brings but I’m scared that it’s nothing. I’m scared I’m going to struggle way too much for the next 7 days. I have no idea how I am going to get through it. I don’t even want to get through tonight.
I’m intrigued that you think/feel that breaking down when talking to your psych is concerning @Captain24🤔.
I mean, it’s obviously a sign you’re not feeling well and things are hard - which of course is concerning. But I reckon the psych already knows that and is already concerned right?
My counsellor gets more concerned in 2 situations with me (I think..?) -
1) when I’m having highly-active SI and I am actively making future plans (but she OK with it because I am talking about it with her and will also talk to my local Safe Haven when it gets that intense)
and 2) when I’m totally shutdown and despondent.
But when I’m in-between? When I get upset & teary or when I hold my breath for 30 seconds before I can answer so that I don’t end up bawling out crying jibberish? Nah, I don’t think that really “concerns” her - it’s actually a sign of healthy processing of the pain and emotion within a safe environment. But I mean, she does specialise in trauma psychotherapy, so I guess she’s also really good at recognising this is healthy!
She was at one stage a bit concerned that I didn’t show enough/any emotion in sessions (she only commented on it after I arrived at a session in tears - I had rarely ever cried in session before unless I was grieving the fact that I wasn’t going to suicide). But “grieving” sadness is still a healthy and safe thing - even if it’s grief because I didn’t want to be alive lol. Processing that pain is still so important to not letting it build up to despair or anger which can then increase risk.
In response to: I can’t cope
AlwaysMyselfSenior Contributor
Re: I can’t cope
@MissGremlin wrote:
@Captain24 you're not letting anyone down sweetheart.
I hope you can get a good sleep, sending you hugs beautiful ❤️.
I triple this too, @Captain24 . Sending love and restful sweet dreams.
In response to: Re: I can’t cope
Captain24Senior Contributor
Re: I can’t cope
I do feel like I have let you down but I needed some sleep. I don’t know why I need so much in the last couple of days. I’m really tired now but I have stuff on so I can go back to sleep. I’m really anxious about my Pdoc appointment though. I’m really just hoping for med changes. Something to take the edge off. Something that just helps me feel a little better. Just hopefully not as expensive as the other ones.
@MissGremlin@Jynx@AlwaysMyself
In response to: I can’t cope
Captain24Senior Contributor
Re: I can’t cope
Hey @AlwaysMyself. I’ll reply later on in the day if that’s ok. It’s a lot for me to focus on right now. I’ll have some down time this afternoon. Hopefully.
I hope that’s ok and I do appreciate you responding.
In response to: Re: I can’t cope
MissGremlinSenior Contributor
Re: I can’t cope
@Captain24 i don't have time to reply much now. But i just wanted to say that I hope everything goes ok sweet. Sending you love and hugs sweetheart ❤️
In response to: Re: I can’t cope
AlwaysMyselfSenior Contributor
Re: I can’t cope
@Captain24 I am really glad you did go to bed last night despite feeling like you were letting people down. I hope that being able to hear that we don't think you're letting us down is something helpful to "hold onto" and tell yourself to challenge your own thinking.
I know I often have to "hold onto" (trust) what a close/trustworthy friend has told me even when I am concerned otherwise - e.g. I have a friend who is extremely introverted but says they enjoy chatting with me when we do chat (but has very few non-family friends). I cannot rationalise this to understand the juxtaposition (contrast) between how introverted they are and how they could still like chatting with me. But I do trust them and I have told them I have trouble understanding it, but I trust them to make the social boundaries where they want/need them 🙂 (because I love chatting with them when I get to - but I don't want to overwhelm them!).
I hope you are confident and feeling up to telling the pdoc about how you feel with regard to needing something extra with medications currently to support this extra-tough time. (Be it a change in meds, or an additional ("augmentation") of medication - temporary or longterm.)
No rush at all to reply @Captain24🙂 Only if or when it will help you - that's what I'm here for you for! No point if it stresses you out more lol ! I'll check back when tagged & able - so please do tag me even if you need someone to chat with (in case I am available) even if you're unable to reply to existing posts.
In response to: Re: I can’t cope
Captain24Senior Contributor
Re: I can’t cope
I just had my psychiatrist appointment. She mentioned that H word. I told her it wasn’t possible. She is ringing me in 3 weeks to check in and decide if I don’t have a choice.
@AlwaysMyself@MissGremlin@Jynx@tyme
In response to: Re: I can’t cope
MissGremlinSenior Contributor
Re: I can’t cope
@Captain24 i know that must have been a hard appointment and hearing that I imagine didn't feel great.
Sending you hugs sweetheart ❤️.
In response to: Re: I can’t cope
Captain24Senior Contributor
Re: I can’t cope
No it didn’t. I shouldn’t have been so honest @MissGremlin. She said to come out of the state I’m in I have to go through the suicidal stage to keep going up to get through it all. That’s what she is most concerned about. I did promise her that I’ll be safe until I hear from her. I told her that I need to be held accountable and that if I promise something that’s what I’ll do. So I have promised her that I will stay safe until I hear from her. That’s why my psych is concerned also that I have to go through that stage to come out.
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