I can’t cope

Let's just say that everything you've described fits so nicely into the 'depressive episode' criteria. That's a test you'll pass?? (joking).

And yes, it sounds like now, pretty much all you can do is ride it out. There's really not much else. I know it's uncomfortable and so hard right now. I totally acknowledge that. At least you are still connecting with people here.

Can you connect with your bestie via phone or messaging @Captain24 ?

Unfortunately I pass it with a high distinction! 😜 @tyme

I didn’t think that there was much but I’m tired

of trying to ride it out. It’s been weeks now and I’m tired. It’s so hard to go to work. I struggle when I’m there. It’s hard to look after the dogs and Pixies care is so important. I do it and I do it right but it’s hard. It’s hard to clean my house. It’s hard to do anything.

I don’t have it in me for small talk and I don’t need to hear all her dramas that I’m sure are embellished. She tells me that I have it easy compared to what she is going through.

Im sorry.

That's totally understandable in terms of not wanting to hear all the drama lol @Captain24 . So very very valid! I wouldn't either!

Don't be sorry. There's not need to be sorry. This is just a crappy time in one's mental health journey so we've just gotta ride it out. I know you said you're tired. So maybe just float on top of the wave and let it carry you wherever?

Remember, if you feel unsafe, you know who to call.

She has always told a few lies and has always embellished the truth so it’s hard to know what is what and I don’t have the energy for it. @tyme

I was doing so well before my surgery last time and it has f@cked me over. I’m just sorry that I’m so much and so hard to help. I do try but this is beating me.

Im safe but my GP and psych are really concerned about it as they believe it can change at anytime and really quickly. So I guess I have to be careful but I really don’t have the energy to do it big I also don’t have the energy to fight it if it does change and I guess that’s where their concern lies.

Yeah, I can see that things are quite challenging and that it wont' take much to tip the balance.

I guess it's important to think about what will keep you on the safer side for now. Having experienced what this is like, I'm mindful that it can be anything that can upset the balance - lights, noise, seeing vertain people, hearing certain things. It's not easy.

@Captain24

Did they work on a safety plan with you so you know what to do when things just feel too hard?

I'm so glad you have a supportive team at the moment.

I feel like there is a big distance between where I am and acting on anything. My psych said I have to come back up and go through the suicidal stage to get to the top. I’m down past it. But I guess it’s just a wait and see. @tyme

My psych works in my SP all the time. We add things as I discover what helps with grounding. My GP suggested in and then when I said I had one he went through it. He was happy with it.

I am lucky and that’s why I feel I should keep all my really dark thoughts to myself. I have a job, I have a roof over my head, I have food in the table and I have a support network. Others don’t have any of that and I feel guilty for being so so low and shutdown when I don’t have any reason to be.

I really hope you get this

Morning @Captain24 sweet, how are you feeling today?

Hey @MissGremlin

I went back to sleep and only woke up because Pixies breakfast alarm went off. I’m not feeling overly great. Just sitting on the lounge.

I have to do some stuff today so I’ll see how far I can push. I’m not feeling up for much but work has to be sorted and then since I’m doing an overtime shift for extra money, I have to plan for that too. This is usually the good block as it’s only 4 days. But I guess I have to do what I have to do. More expensive bills coming.

How are you going?

@Captain24 I'm glad you got a bit more sleep sorry you aren't feeling overly great though sweet.

Try to remember to take small breaks in between doing things today if you can. I hope the overtime shift goes ok for you, I know it's hard having to pick up extra work to cover finances. Be gentle with yourself sweetheart, sending you love and hugs ❤️

It’s ok. I’m getting pretty use to it. @MissGremlin. I’m a little scared about how my Pdoc appointment is going to go on next Monday. She doesn’t know me well enough to know that I can’t go to hospital. Or well enough to trust me when I say I’m safe.

Overtime is Friday night so I’m hoping the boss on that crew will put me where I ask to go. He use to be on our crew and usually looks after the overtimers especially when they come from my crew. Then I have a training day on Tuesday next week as well so that’ll be a bit more money. I’ll have to do a few more though to get back out of debt.

I’ll try and rest but if I stop it’s so hard to get going again. It’s only shopping, food prep and cleaning the house so it shouldn’t be as hard as my head is telling me.

Don you have much in today?