I can’t cope

Hey @tyme

I just woke up from a nap that I shouldn’t have had. My GP says that I’m not allowed to and my psych says it’s ok as long as it’s not all day and not everyday. Conflicting! But the guilt has set in. The dogs love it though.

I made the set. I brought the house and put them all in it. I got the entire collection and now I have probably a hundred bricks of repeats left over!

How’s your day going?

Well if you want a third conflicting opinion, I think it's okay to have a nap as long as it's a short 30 mins max. If you need to nap, it means your body needs it. But if you nap too long, then it stuffs up your body clock...

Then again, I'm guessing your body clock aint the best, seeing you work blocks of time - days shifts, night shifts... I seriously don't know how you do it. I'd been the angriest person out if I had to do that!

As for the bricks, it sounds awesome! I reckon if I had the time, I'd make it, but at this stage, my nephew can.

I put all my clothes in the wash today so my next step is the vaccuum and mop the house @Captain24 . But maybe not today?

I've been eating so badly recently. I really need to eat better. Just eating so much chocolate! I think hazlenut choc is my fav.

Also, why would the dogs love that you had a nap? Coz you can nap with them?

I slept for 2 hours and would really love to go back to bed. I had to get up to change loads in the drier. @tyme. I got my dad’s genes and we can usually sleep pretty well. But also with the shift work I can kinda make my body sleep when I need/want to. Usually anyway. I get angry if I go 24 hours or more without sleep or have nights where my sleep is limited regularly by needing to get up early. Such as working 3 day shifts in a row and having to get up at 4:30. I should go to bed earlier those nights but I don’t!

It was fun to do but I think it’s more about collecting every one. Making sure I had the whole set!

I actually put all my clothes in the wash and was thinking of you and wondering if you were doing the same! Well don’t on doing it though. Does it feel a little better now?

Oh.. it’s so hard to change the chocolate thing when you get started. Well for me it is. I’ve been really bad too but with such limited money it’s hard. I have to save what I have to be able to eat properly at work and put fuel in my car! I did do something today to change my diet though. Mum got me a salad roll from the local bakery, it’s the only place that I will eat a salad roll from, but I got a multi-grain roll instead of white! White is definitely much better but I have to slowly change to low GI foods. Bread will be a start!

I stood in the main room and said ‘I’m going to bed’ They both jumped off the lounge and beat me to my room and were on the bed before I got undressed! They love being on the bed with me!

Hows Ruby going? You haven’t talked about her much lately?

Lol... let's just say that you are human! Everything you described about sleep is totally human lol. It'd be weird if you didn't get cranky after not having sleep for 24 hours!

Yes! I feel slightly more accomplished at having chucked all the clothes in the wash. Next step is to hang them. I don't use driers. I like the sun on my clothes.

What I found is that when I'm tired, I eat more crap. That's my issue and that's when the chocolate comes in. I've still got boxes of chocolates left over from Christmas! I don't buy any. People give them to me 🙂

LOL, that makes sense about Pix and Jett on your bed. I'm glad they feel safe and comfy when you are there. I'd never let Ruby on my bed. I think she snuck up once and I straightaway kicked her out!

Ruby is Ruby. I haven't had much time to spend with her. But she follows me around whenever she can.

As for the woollies bricks, I haven't really even looked into what the sets are. Do you actually chop that much at woollies?

@Captain24

You can’t look at me if I don’t get any sleep after coming off nightshift and it’s even worse if someone expects it then they really cop it in the late afternoon. I am getting better at it though. I can even function for appointments now with no sleep. @tyme

I hung my clothes out earlier as they don’t go in the dryer. But it’s been drizzly rain here most of the day so they are hanging in the spare room. They sheets, doona cover and towels go in the dryer. I like the feeling of my towels out of the dryer and my sheets and stuff don’t fit in my line properly. When I need a new one I’ll buy a proper hills hoist.

Im glad you feel accomplished it sometimes can change the way you feel a little. I have also bathed the dogs but not feeling overly accomplished. Which is disappointing.

Tired and depressed is when it happens for me. Plus it depends on which way my ED is swinging. I’ve still got stuff left over too but I brought most of it for the day. Mum did give me some. My family that comes for Christmas nights tea don’t bring anything. Absolutely nothing! Do you get many for Christmas?

They love being in bed with me. Jett stays all night and Pix sometimes gets off but only lays in my dirty clothes or the pillows I’ve taken off the bed. She stays close by. Poor Ruby! 😂 I get people don’t like it and it is hard to sleep sometimes but they are my comfort and they feel happy and loved.

That’s cute of her. Jett follows me everywhere! It’s a shame you don’t have a lot of time but you never have rest time and always keep yourself so busy. I really don’t know how you do it!

I only go to woollies for my groceries and mum does most of her shopping there. They also know us and always give us extra of whatever we are collecting. The other day I earnt 3 packets and got 12. I don’t think I got what I earnt at all this time. I don’t know what to do with the extra ones. I’m bored with it now so I don’t want to complete another set. I have made a couple of those mini brick things today though.

I know I can’t say much. But I’m feeling really disconnected from everything. I’m sitting in the lounge staring at a blank tv screen.

It’s feeling really isolating. Very alone.

Awww @Captain24 , sorry to hear how lonely and isolating it is for you right now. What else can you be doing? Also, maybe sitting in front of a blank TV is a good thing? I don't even have a TV to sit in front of?

I've never asked, but do you play online games at all. Sometimes I find they are such time wasters, but in a good way. They can be totally brainless games and used to just fill time when you need it.

I don’t know @tyme. I’m feeling really lost. I have managed a few jobs today and don’t some mini blocks but it was all really hard work and now I’ve just got nothing. I don’t know what to do or where to go from here.

Hahaha… if I didn’t have a tv I’d be looking at a blank wall! I don’t have picture rails in it so there is nothing hanging.

No I don’t play online games. I get bored really quickly and interacting with others scares me. It surprises me that you do though.

Nah, when I mean games, I'm talking about word games etc. I hardly play though because I don't have time! @Captain24 Or sometimes, brainless things like candy crush. But yes, I get bored quickly. It's total brain rot lol.

Hrm.. if I were you, I'd take Ruby for a walk, or I'll lie in bed listening to an audiobook, or I'd be cleaning (but I know your house is clean).

Or, maybe it's okay with just sitting in the unpleasantness because you know it will pass?

I did play those kind of games for a while but it’s really hard to try and get back into. I’m bored with it all. I’m actually bored with pretty much everything. There is no joy and even distraction is hard. @tyme

O don’t have their leads so I can’t do a walk and it’s really dark out here, not many street lights. I don’t listen to audiobooks and wouldn’t know how to download them anyway. But I zone out when listening to stuff and have no idea what has happened. Even watching tv I miss a lot. Sorry I’m not trying to be dismissive. I do appreciate the suggestions.

Part of me knows it will pass. But it’s hard to see out and the ‘how long’ is concerning.

As much as I don’t want to be, I’m safe but it’s a really uneasy feeling. To want it all to end but no desire to do it.