I can’t cope

Yes, the care plan is for allied health services, outside psychology etc @Captain24 . Hope it all works out for you.

As for the 'freeze' mode. I totally get you. It's a step up from the detached mode you were sharing about the other day.

As for the forks and spoons... I'm hearing you. I think I'm only JUST balancing mine.

On a lighter note, if you look in my actual cutlery drawer, I've seriously got like 1 spoon and 2 forks or something... it's sad when you live alone and don't have guests!

To be honest, each time the kids come and eat, they don't finish and take my cutlery back to their place... so hence my cutlery drawer is pretty dismal lol. @Captain24

Oh. I don’t know as he emailed it to my psych. @tyme

Yeah. Still detached, even from my dogs which is sad. I do really love them though. Like with all my heart.

Are you ok? Do you want to talk?

I guess you need to go and raid the cutlery drawer! I have heaps but the more I have the more I use before turning on the dishwasher! The only time I have guests is Christmas and I do need a few! But for some reason I do seem to lose them and I don’t have gremlins taking them next door!

I did just finish this so that I can try and clean the disgusting mess my kitchen is in. It sort of works. When you wind it up it needs a little encouragement to move around. The horses go up and down like an actual carousel.

@MissGremlin

Oh, I forgot to mention. I don't like havingn dirty dishes or using my kitchen so any dishes I have, I take to my sister's house for washing lol! She sends me food in containers and on plates, then I hand over the dirty stuff for her to wash... @Captain24 - bad eh? Actually, it just goes in the dishwasher.

You know what happened today? I was talking to some people and I just talk like I normally talk. They both just cracked up laughing and laughing.... I didn't get it. I just made a comment about something and they all just started laughing... later, I queried one of the people and they said, "If people don't know you, they'll think you're just plain rude. because you're so straight. You say stuff that comes out so funny even when you don't try to be..."

So today, I've been thinking of all the times when I haven't communicated well and things have turned out 'wrong'.

It's just a new revelation... it's not work I'm worried about, but I'm so much more wary after today..

Can you see why I like to stick to text based communication??? @Captain24

Grrrr!

And oh! I LOVE the carousel!

With ply wood, have you ever tried using coloured pencil to colour the wood in? It works really well.

Do you know Derwent pencils? I've got a few whole sets including a special set in a wooden box. I love those pencils. Kids nowadays can't appreciate Derwents.

Come to think of it, remember newsagents back then? We could save up our money and go and buy ONE pencil??? @Captain24

That’s one way of having a clean kitchen! Pass them off @tyme. I like that idea!

Oh I’m so sorry that that happened. That must hurt a bit. I can totally understand the concern that it’s raised. Having to second guess what you are saying and how you say it. Ever thought of ASD? At least they respected you enough to be honest even though it hurt. I can imagine that it feels a little consuming right now?

Text can be hard as you can’t interpret the tone but at least writing you have a second chance of saying something before you send it.

Just want to add that we are more alike than you realise!

I don’t colour! I have never liked it even as a child. I would constantly try but it just never interested me but people always said I had to do it as that’s what kids do and they made us do it in class at school.

I always wanted Derwent but they were always too expensive. We got faber castell ones a 36 pack. I do have a tin of Derwent here though just because I always wanted them. Kids these days just have no idea if the simple things we had. I’m glad I grew up when I did. We got a childhood and it wasn’t forced. We were out playing and having fun, it was safe and we were just trusted and knew to be home by a certain time.

Yes… the newsagents. It was where you got most of your school stuff. We didn’t have a big w or Kmart so it was all from there. Being able to just buy one pencil and saved to get a special pen. School shopping was fun!

Yeah. It actually floated past me, "Do I have ASD?" Oh well, even if I do, so be it lol. I am what I am. Socially awkies! Actually, come to think of it, I reckon my dad may be autistic.... and my nephew certainly has traits...

Yes! School shopping at newsagents were a dream! I used to collect all the catalogues, go through them all and circle everything I wanted.

As for not liking colouring, I never even thought of people not liking colouring! Come to think of it, my nephew hates he. He loves drawing things with really fine detail, but will NOT colour.

I've learnt two things on the forums tonight:

1) Creative_writer wrote a post about intense thoughts reducing sedative effects of some meds.

2) You mentioned that some people actually don't like to colour!

@Captain24

I always love learning.

Come to think of it... I still have that course I need to do!

I’m pretty blunt too and I think that it’s the ASD. It’s part of it. People think I’m rude or they laugh thinking that I’m funny when I’m actually not @tyme. One of the ladies in hospital, that was there both times, loved telling stories of what I had said that was funny but that I said it with a ‘dead pan’ face. It was just actually what I was saying and wasn’t trying to be funny. I’m the same though, pretty awkward. I am trying to learn to think before I speak or I just say ‘this is going to come out wrong but I mean it with the best intentions’ It’s only recently that I have learnt this though. Like a maybe 6 months. Knowing why has helped. It doesn’t change who I am but it has helped me try and re-think what I want to say. Whoa…. That sounds like reframing! Shame I can’t do that to myself though!

Im with your nephew! Maybe it’s an autism thing. My brother never liked it either. It meant sitting still and focusing and making decisions as to what to colour what colour. I would start and then just scribble over the page in anger or frustration. I’m just thinking now that maybe is part of my ADHD? Maybe that’s why I hate the paint by numbers that I bought.

I didn’t know that about the medication. It’s quite interesting actually. Before I slipped so far down and my thoughts were all along the lines of extreme SI and SH I wasn’t really getting to sleep. Once I was asleep I was fine but not getting to sleep.

That course was ages ago. Is it still current? Are you going to look at it or do you have to much other stuff?

Oh and look at my little man and his crossed legs

I don’t know how I have done it but so far today I have been and had my X-ray for work and I have cleaned the house. I have just finished washing the floor. I didn’t move any chairs or stools but that’s ok as I did something and it’s the first time in probably 2 weeks. My kitchen is now hygienic and I can see the bench tops instead of having to push stuff out of the way to get the dogs food ready.

Im just getting ready to go and mow mum and dad’s lawn. This is really a struggle. I don’t want to do it and all I want to do is go to bed and sleep. But hopefully, it’s suppose to be raining tomorrow so it has to be done today. It’s 2 and a half hours that I don’t want to face.

So I went to mum and dads and started mowing their lawn but the lawnmower sprung an oil leak. I feel really really bad that I broke it on them. I feel so guilty. I’m not sure if dad will get it fixed and mine is broken and I cant afford to get it fixed. I feel so useless. Now I can’t mow their lawn and the guy next door found another brown snake. It concerns me that their lawn needs mowing so that the snakes the neighbours keep getting can’t hide in the grass and mum and dads. Dad always puts things off but I can’t really say much as I am similar just not as bad. I feel so horrible and guilty. I wanted to do it for them so dad didn’t have to. I’m a bad daughter.

I’m really struggling right now. I’m really cold and tired. I’m tired of being so low. I did manage to get stuff done but it was a mammoth effort. I’m trying to boil pasta for dinner and it’s ready but I can’t get up and get it off the stove. What is wrong with me? Why am I so useless? Why can’t I function properly? Do I just give up?

@Captain24 sitting with you sweetheart and sending you hugs ❤️.