I can’t cope

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way @Captain24 , I really hear your frustration💓

You said "I really have nothing in me to give, no spoons at all" yet you have mowed half the lawn, it honestly sounds like you may need to give yourself more permission to rest (as hard as that may be!) Of course, you know yourself best but I will say that you deserve the same compassion, patience and kindness you beautifully give to others.

Have you expressed this exhaustion and "shut-down - freeze" state to your GP? It's important that you feel heard and supported by them.

~ @Honeymoon

I finally finished it and had a shower to wash all the grass off. @Honeymoon. I’m past being exhausted.

My psych says to rest and go gently with what I do. But my GP today was the opposite. He knows that I’m in that state but he said the only way out is to push really hard. But it makes me feel even worse. My psych said I need to let it run its course. It’s so hard because it’s so conflicting.

Im doing my best to stop the tears from coming. Just so much self hatred and disgust. I can’t even put it into strong enough words.

How do I be kind and compassionate to myself? I know there is self care like sitting in the sun, but that isn’t doing much, I can’t focus long enough to watch anything in tv. There is nothing that I enjoy. I’m detached from everything. Everything feels like a task on a to-do list. I have a 3D puzzle that is nearly finished but it’s just another task. I only did it because I was told I had to do something other than chores. It feels like a chore though.

Sorry I’m so negative but it’s just really hard to see past it. The only thing I love is my dogs but even they aren’t really bringing me joy. I honestly do love them though, they are my whole world.

It sounds like your psych and GP are giving you mixed messages, so it's no wonder you're feeling conflicted @Captain24 . It sounds like maybe your psych needs to inform your GP of what's going on for you. Do you have an upcoming appointment booked?

In the meantime, know that practicing self-compassion consistently isn't something that naturally happens overnight but small re-frames and being gentle on yourself in small ways (eg. allowing rest), are very important steps.

I hear you are feeling extremely low and self-critical at the moment and I would encourage you to reach out to a crisis support lines like Lifeline if you feel unsafe, or want to speak with someone:
Connect with a lifeline crisis supporter (24 Hrs) 13 11 14

Feel free to also let this community know how we can best support you at this time within the bounds of the Forums. Your dogs and lucky to have you, and you are so valued!💓

~ @Honeymoon

Hey @Captain24 @MissGremlin

My psych and GP both know what is happening they just have different ways of working through it @Honeymoon I see my psych in 12 days. I’m suppose to see my GP next week but I have work all week and can’t make it in.

I’ll try. I’ve just had some dinner and I’m sitting on the lounge trying to watch tv. It’s not working but I’m doing it.

Im safe. All the thoughts don’t matter as I don’t have the nervy or motivation to act on anything. My psych and GP do keep monitoring my safety and checking in with me and my safety plan.

Sorry im not recovery focused. I was just trying to vent and get things out. I’ll stop and just hold it all in.

Hey @tyme

Hows things?

Hey @Captain24 ,

I'm reading that things are pretty hard at the moment.

I'm okay I guess. A little stressed, but I have a box of Roses chocolates next to me lol.

They are extremely hard but I’m not allowed to say anymore. @tyme. Just bottle it all up and let it fester. I’ve only just been able to have some words to describe. But they can just disappear again. I don’t matter.

What’s stressing you? Being busy? Big to-do lists? Family stuff? All of the above?

I just chose between a box of roses and a packet of ‘chew mix’ the lollies one. Plus I just jabbed myself with insulin!!!

So if you jabbed yourself with insulin, you can eat more lollies then??? LOL

I'm sorry it's so hard right now. I'm not sure how things can improve. I feel like I'm not around much to know what's happening, but such is life. I'll leave it at that.

With the MH care plan, have you not had one before @Captain24 ?

I thought that too @tyme. I think some sugar is a good idea!

I don’t know what you know but I’m in a freeze state and I’ve shut down. My self talk is extreme. My self hatred is extreme. I have no energy or motivation. I struggle to do just the simple tasks. I have lots of forks and no spoons.

We are doing a MHCP in may. But up until then we are doing a ‘care’ plan. This one gives 5 sessions instead of the 10. Plus he bulk billed me as part of it.