I can’t cope

I'm hearing it is so unbearable @Captain24 - but I'm also hearing that it is a MH condition speaking. That voice that is so loud at the moment is not what you want in life.

There is a bigger part of you that wants to continue. That has goals set in life. That does want to connect with others. I've heard that part of you speak and I know that voice is there.

As the big black dog towers over you, you do NOT have to feed it and nurture it.

Hugs, tyme

Hey @Captain24 ,

Why don't you try our counselling line now? 1800 187 263? It may take a while to connect.

Sitting with you.

I don’t know how to fight it @tyme . Im trying to keep myself busy but I just don’t have the energy or motivation.

Im on the phone now

Let me know how you go with the phone call (if you want - no pressure) @Captain24

The call went well @tyme. She was lovely.

We are thinking that it’s the decrease in one of my mood stabilisers that’s causing this. Maybe the psychiatrist can help with it Thursday.

I’ve been letting the fact that I have no motivation or energy get to me on top of everything else. I have no focus or anything. I physically can’t achieve anything and that’s bringing me down further.

This sounds silly, but she just gave me permission to just sit and watch a movie or something or lay in bed if that’s all I feel like doing. Everything else can wait until I feel up to it. She put it in terms of being sick. Im not physically sick but mentally sick. It gave me more understanding.

It hasn’t lifted my mood at all and I still want to end it but it’s allowed me to accept it and not fight it. Which is exactly what you’ve been saying just in a different way.

Oh @Captain24 , I'm so glad it went well. If you feel you need to call them again, go right ahead. That's what they are there for.

And yes, that's exactly what I wanted to say. Fighting takes a lot of energy. Giving your self permission to 'sit with it' also takes energy - but not as much as fighting it.

The call may not have done miracles, but it gives you a voice and validation.

Give yourself permission to live.

Im so sorry that I’ve been high maintenance and hard work @tyme. I probably still will be but I just wanted to apologise.

I didn’t want to be this person. So I kept trying to claw my way out. Sitting with it is scary though with where I’m at. I just have to try and think of Pix if it comes close.

Im sorry!!

Please don't be sorry. As I mentioned, many of those thoughts are not from you, but from a mental health challenge. @Captain24 - It was not so long ago that I was in a similar place. I felt I was taxing and wearisome to many many people. Yet I've also seen myself come out of it. Now THAT is what you can keep your eyes on.

Pixie will tell you to sit still. Pixie will tell you she is listening and she understands.

I was driving home today, and I was so conscious that I am coming up to an anniversary of a particularly hard time in my life. I felt a pang in my heart, yet I breathed through it. I thought about my growth. I thought about my treating team. I thought about how far I'd come... and that is what kept me going this afternoon. If I kept my focus on the terrible anniversary, I'm sure I was heading for a panic attack.

YOU are in control.

Thanks @tyme but I still am sorry! 😂

Im so glad you came out of it and can share your wisdom with us. I think I’ll come out of it. But as you say if you can I can.

Pixie is the only reason I’m still here. She has been amazing today.

I so sorry you have a terrible anniversary coming up. It’s so good that you have the tools and acceptance to work through it. I also appreciate you sharing what’s happening with you and that you are comfortable to share. It means a lot.

I’ve had a bath and feeling really weary so I’m going to head off to bed.

Have a good night

Hug my dear @Captain24 ,

You are very important and precious to many.

Take hold of the life you have and live it - because you deserve it

Hugs, tyme