I can’t cope

No hope. Not afloat. @Jynx

I’ve got nothing. Can’t talk. Can’t think. Can’t anything.

Dont want to spoil your day.

Here, connecting, that is afloat to my mind @Captain24 - but I get you. I know it's a big struggle hun, and I know that you feel burdensome. But try to remember that I am here for a reason. This work, helping to carry others' burdens and provide hope and connection, it is important to me. So being able to be there for you doesn't spoil my day. Otherwise I'd have taken the day off!!

I am hearing that communication is a struggle for you tonight. Please be gentle with your wonderful self - one step at a time yeah? Are you pups close by for a cuddle? Are you able to head off to sleep soon?

Hugs. You're worthy and deserving of support, no matter what your brain tells you 💜

(づ ᴗ _ᴗ)づ♡

Hello @Captain24 sweetheart, how are you feeling this morning? ❤️

I’m really not ok @MissGremlin

I don’t even have the words for it.

I did do some of my 3D puzzle yesterday though. So I’m hoping to complete it today but it looks like it’s about to get really fiddly with small pieces and hard!

I also need to clean the house and go food shopping. Plus make a pasta salad for work for the next few days. I have this religious thing where I’m not able to eat meant if Friday's for lent so it’s a bit hard to find easy meals for work when I work in fridays.

How are you going? Much sleep?

@Captain24 I'm sorry you're really not ok, I'm here for you sweet ❤️.

Well done for doing some of your 3d puzzle, those fiddly bits can be challenging but I know you can do it ☺️.

Take the cleaning and shopping one little step at a time. Pasta salad is yummy. That would be tricky, I don't always eat much meat.

I'm very sore today, had a seizure last night. My bodies way of forcing me to rest. Still haven't had alot of sleep though. A day to be very gentle with myself I think.

I really wish I had someone to talk to but I have no one. At least I see my GP on Thursday. Just a week to wait @MissGremlin.

I’ll post a photo if I finish it.

I went to go grocery shopping now but I remembered that I need to be here for Pix at 8:30! I also have to be really really careful with money. There is a chance that Pix can have an insulin pump inserted, if it’s permanent, but I’m guessing that will cost thousands!

I thought I might try and have a shower. But I don’t think I can. I can’t clean the kitchen as I have the puzzle all over the bench and there is wood everywhere! I’m looking around and my place looks clean so maybe I don’t need to actually do it just my head saying I need too.

Im sorry about the seizure, that would have been really scary. Can you have a day of just nothing or is there things you have to do?

@Captain24 I'm always here to listen sweet if it helps at all.

So shopping after Pix has had her insulin, at least it's not too much longer before 8.30. Understand having to be really careful of money. If it's permanent I guess it's something to look into but I know all these things come at a very big cost.

Having a shower could be nice but I know it can be hard to actually get there. Maybe it's clean enough and you can just allow yourself to rest for a while.

How's your back feeling sweet?

I don't have anything on today so I'm hoping to rest. It is scary especially when coming to and being alone but I'm glad to have Casper in those moments.

Thanks @MissGremlin but I don’t want to dump

it all on you. Maybe tonight if @Jynx is on and I’ve got words.

Shopping is done and I got pretty much all my list under what I expected. So that was good.

She is going to be one expensive dog. Lots of tests and hospital visits until we get it under control. Then ongoing to keep it monitored.

I didn’t have a shower but I have to have one tonight as I go to work tomorrow. I was going to wash my hair but that just feels too much.

My back is still sore but I have to stop all the medication today as one I can only take for 3 days and need to have a break and the other I can’t take while I’m working. They won’t allow it.

I can’t imagine how scary it is. Do you know what caused it? Is Casper good with knowing what is happening or just support when it’s over? One night I was asleep and all of a sudden Jett jumped in my chest and Pix was sitting up and looking at me. I don’t know what happened but obviously something did.

@Captain24 i don't see it as you dumping anything on me sweet, i see it as sharing how you are feeling and what's going on for you. But completely understand not having the words.

Well done for getting the shopping done and a bonus for it being less than expected.

Hopefully once it's under control the costs will settle a bit, it's the testing that costs alot. But Pix is definitely worth it, she's such a gorgeous and special girl.

I know the feels of the effort it takes to wash your hair. Hopefully it's a nice shower tonight before heading back to work tomorrow.

Hoping your back starts to settle soon and that it doesn't become more painful with not being able to take the pain meds.

I have epilepsy and the stress plus lack of sleep brings them on. Casper knows when they are coming and he will lay on me while it's happening and after. Dogs are very good at knowing when something is up with us, glad Jett and Pix were there for you.

Not having the words is really unusual for me. I’ve been really good at being open and vulnerable to my team. I’ve been able to articulate what I feel and how I’m thinking so this is odd but really scary at the same time @MissGremlin

I will do anything for her. But just have to take it appointment by appointment and see where it goes.

It just seems like so much effort and I just don’t have the enormity. Having to remember to have a shower is hard enough.

I have cooked the pasta for the pasta salad, just waiting for it to cool before I make it up. I did hurt my arm on the hot pot though.

I have trouble with my back at work at the best of times so the next five days is going to be hard and I have to pretend it’s not hurting!

Do you have the seizures often? Can you still drive? Do you need to see someone? Sorry for all the questions, don’t answer if you don’t want to.

Mum thinks I may have stopped breathing and that’s why they did it. I do think I may have mild sleep apnea. I something wake my self up snoring and struggling to breathe.