I can’t cope

Morning @Captain24 sweetheart, checking in to see how you are feeling today ❤️

Hey @MissGremlin

Thank you. I’m still feeling pretty rough. I’m not doing very well at all. I cried myself to sleep but I slept well. I’m having trouble doing anything but sit.

I have to bath the dogs, have a CT scan on my back and take Pix to the vet at 5, not sure when I’m picking her up after that. But that’s it for today. I’m not doing anything else. All the house stuff can wait until tomorrow. Then I go back to work on Friday and that’s going to be so hard.

Im wondering if my psych rings today. I was driving home and went to ring mum and I hit a bump and pressed the wrong number on the car and called her. I did try to cancel it but it did ring once first.

How are you doing? Sorry I was a bit selfish last night and didn’t think of you. I hope I didn’t put any pressure on you or make things worse. But I do thank you for being there for me.

@Captain24oh sweet, I'm sorry you are feeling pretty rough, try to be gentle with yourself ❤️.

I hope the CT scan goes ok sweet and also Pix's vet visit. The house stuff can definitely wait until tomorrow. I can imagine going back to work would be feeling hard but let's just focus on today first, one step at a time sweet ❤️.

Oh oops, are you able to message her to say it was an accident? Even if she does ring I'm sure she'll understand ☺️.

My brain is very foggy today after only 2 hours of sleep but I've got things to do so that's keeping me busy. You're ok sweetheart, i was glad to be here for you and you didn't put any pressure on me or make things worse at all.

What time is your CT scan sweet?

I need to find that ‘self compassion’ shit today @MissGremlin

I am also suppose to write 3 things I’m grateful for everyday. I don’t do yesterday so I need to try and do that. One of them though is you and @Jynx for last night.

I need to think about the little picture not the big picture. My scan is at 1:30. It’ll just show blushing discs. My last scan was 10 years ago, I’m just hoping there is nothing new in it but it is what it is. I know I have a bad back and I know it does this sometimes. It’s just life.

Im just going to see if she rings. It'll be nice if she does, just 5 minutes of reassurance.

I’m sorry you are foggy. I honestly don’t know how you function on so little sleep. Being busy is helpful, well that’s what I find anyway. Just don’t know where you pull the strength from! You are a really strong person even if you don’t recognise it. You inspire me. You are doing all this in your own and that’s hard but you keep getting up and finding a way to make it through the next day.

@Captain24 i get that self compassion is incredibly hard, I struggle with it myself.

Awww that means alot to hear that, thankyou sweet ❤️. Maybe another one yesterday was the beach? It looked stunning there 😍.

Yes focusing on the little picture, it's so easy to get caught up in the big picture but breaking things down and taking it one step at a time really can make things so much more manageable. The scan is still a bit away, what are you going to do between now and then? Maybe you could do a bit of the diamond art that you have set up ☺️.

Well i hope she does ring for you so you can get that little bit of reassurance.

I don't know how i function, but the truth is I'm not really. I'm a mess and there's things happening that are incredibly scary but I'm just doing my best to keep pushing through. Thankyou sweet, I don't feel strong but there's a strength within me that seems to pull me through even when I don't think i can.

I've just finished cleaning the stove, doing the dishes and taking the bins out. I'm going to clean the bathroom sink now and the birds cage and pick up Caspers poop. After all that's done I'm hoping to lay on my lounge and have a rest.

I just started a gratitude journal on the app on my phone. That is for the beach suggestion. @MissGremlin. I figure my phone is easier as I always have it.

Im trying to catch Pix so I can put her in the bath. She caught me setting it up and now she is hiding under the lamp table and I can’t get her out. I did decide to do some washing so I set the washing machine, it finished and I went to get my washing out… I forgot to put it in the machine! 😂 so now I’m doing it again but properly this time!

Im hoping I can bath them soon and then that way I have the afternoon free until 5. I have a 3D puzzle set up ready to start. Maybe I could do that. Or, yes you’re right I could start doing some of my diamond art. It’s very daunting as I’ve only done a little bit of it.

It must be so hard with everything unknown hanging over your head. I can understand that you are a mess but look at the things you have already done this morning. I think the word for you is ‘resilient’ we were talking about that yesterday. I know what I have said doesn’t make you feel any better or proud of what you have done especially after all your circumstances and worries. But I can hold that proudness for you. You’ve been holding me I can hold you.

@Captain24 well done for starting it sweet. Having it on your phone sounds perfect and you're welcome ☺️.

Oh cheeky Pix, hopefully you'll be able to get her soon. Haha that's something I would do 😂. At least it's getting done now.

Ooohhh what's the 3d puzzle that you've got set up? You've got a couple of things to choose from, maybe trying both and seeing which one feels right for you today.

You know what it's like, not feeling like you've done anything special cos they are just things that have to be done. Thankyou sweet, I really appreciate you so much, you're a really good friend to me on here ❤️.

I bathed Jett first and she thought he was getting a treat without her so she came and let me bath her! @MissGremlin. Yes the washing did get put into the machine to be washed! 😂. I messaged mum and said I think I was having a bad day and told her. She just laughed.

I could do that instead of just giving up. I also have some mini blocks on the bench too.

 This is the one I’ve got out to do.

I know it’s stuff that has to be done but not everyone can do it. Not everyone can do the dishes. So it really is an achievement but I don’t really see it myself either.

You’re a good friend too. You help me a lot.

@Captain24 haha Pix thinking she was missing out, at least you managed to give her a bath. I'm glad you've got the washing in properly now 😂. I mean I laugh at myself about these sorts of things, our brains are so easily distracted sometimes.

I reckon you should at just give them a try, if none of them feel right to do today then that's ok but at least you've given them a go. That 3d puzzle is amazing 😍.

I'm glad I've been able to do a few things cos it is hard to find the energy to do anything at the moment.

Awww thankyou sweet and I'm glad I can help you. You help me alot too ❤️

It was pretty funny, I look into the machine and thought in my head ‘where did it go!’ I only then looked at the floor! The first thought that came to mind wasn’t that I hadn’t put it in, it was where did it go! I couldn’t even have a sensible thought! It did make me laugh though. Which was nice. @MissGremlin

Im just about to go and have a shower to get ready for my scan. I’ve got nothing else to do other than bring my washing in. So I’ll see how I go.

Finding the energy is hard but triple as hard for you. I do hope you are able to have some peace to rest this afternoon.