I can’t cope

I do the same @MissGremlin. I can’t take my own words on wither. It’s easier from the outside.

Iy just feels like a repeat cycle. I see my Pdoc in a couple of weeks so I will wait and see what she says.

The surgery was a mess. Lots of complications. A bout of hypomania into a severe depression. I’m not looking forward to going back to that. Everything was hormone related. It all lead to this.

@Jynx awww thankyou sweet and those hugs are very much needed and appreciated ❤️.

@Captain24 yes it's easier from the outside.

I hear you on the repeat cycle. I'm glad you have the pdoc in a couple of weeks and i hope that's helpful for you.

Knowing how bad things were last time means that maybe this time things can be put in place to avoid those things happening. I know it's scary and I'm not dismissing that at all, but I'm hoping that this time will be alot easier on you sweetheart.

To me @Captain24, the times when we are struggling to find a tether to life are the times when we deserve the most compassion, the most support; it's when we most deserve having our community to gather around us and lend us an ear to listen, a shoulder to lean on, a hand to hold. I wish I could reach through my computer and give you all three, plus a very squishy hug.

It's harder, sometimes MUCH harder, to give those things to ourselves. But we can try... we can be our own ear by journalling or making a voice-note of a big vent. We can be our own shoulder by letting ourselves cry, by taking care of our basic needs, and by reaching out for support. We can hold our own hearts too - seriously, there is comfort to be found by simply placing a hand across our chest, and telling ourselves it will be okay. Or sipping a warm cup of tea and relishing in the simplest of pleasures. Taking a hot shower and letting the water wash away the day. Cuddling your fur babies and knowing that you are their whole world.

Self-compassion is not always easy, but we can start simple, take it one step at a time, and always remember (exactly what @MissGremlin said), no darkness lasts forever.

We gotchu 💜

I’m sitting here just crying and we all know how much I hate that. @MissGremlin @Jynx I even apologised to my psych today for being emotional.

I am reading all those kind words and help you have both given me. But it’s really hard to take in. I do appreciate it. I will reread them in the morning. Hopefully with a clearer head. I will actually write some of it down.

I am exhausted but not sleepy tired. But I think the best thing is to just go to bed and forget that I have an existence. No good can come of staying up. I can’t face anymore. I can’t face anything. I can’t even get off the lounge.

Im really sorry about tonight. I really can’t keep going like this. I’m sorry for bringing everything down. I’m sorry for being a burden to you both. Maybe it’s for the best if I just go. Then I can’t hurt anyone or be a problem for anyone. I can’t be a bother.

I don’t deserve what you have both done for me tonight but I do thank you and appreciate it.

@Captain24 oh sweetheart, sending you hugs ❤️.

It's ok if you can't take it all in right now, they will always be there to come back to and writing some of it down i think is a brilliant idea so that you've got it to read whenever you want/need to.

You have absolutely nothing to apologise for, it's a pleasure to be here with and for you and you deserve every one of the kind words that have been said here. You're not a burden or a bother, you're a wonderful person who is hurting and needs love and understanding during this time which is exactly what we are here for ❤️.

I hope you can get a good night's sleep sweetheart and I'll check in with you tomorrow morning. Sending you love and hugs beautiful ❤️

@Captain24 you have nothing to apologise for, but you are forgiven regardless. You're not bothering anyone by doing exactly what @MissGremlin and I both said, and reaching out to your community when you're struggling. You're doing the right things hun. Even crying, though I know you find it pretty uncomfortable. Proud of you for surviving, and for not trying to do it all alone.

I think coming back to it tomorrow is a good idea, and writing it out too. Helps it sink in better. We'll be here for you.

I hope you're able to get off to sleep okay. Sending you many sleepy vibes and healing hugs 💜

(づ ᴗ _ᴗ)づ♡

I’m sorry @MissGremlin @Jynx

@Captain24 it's ok sweetheart, take a breath and know that we are always here for you ❤️.

@Captain24 it's okay hun, promise. All I want is for you to be safe 💜