I can’t cope

My day is done. @MissGremlin

I did promise and we agreed so I will do as promised. He said that if I do anything with them he gets in trouble. He gave me good ones. I’m not to mix anything else with them either. No OTC pain relief. He gave me 2 different kinds though.

It was a lot. We have never had an appointment so in-depth. He did ask what I had been doing and I said I had spent 2 days in bed. But I have my blind open in my room to get sunlight in the morning, like he suggested previously. He also asked if I was waiting for motivation and I said to him that he had told me previously if I wait it won’t come so I just make myself complete something and then a few things follow. I told him I had a couple of days where I stayed busy but that I struggle to do things in the afternoons. He also wanted to work on a safety plan so I showed him what my psych and I have been working on and updating constantly.

Im still feeling really overwhelmed and heightened. The anxiety and overwhelm in that waiting room was just too much for me to cope with. I think it’s going to take a while to come back down.

@Captain24 that's good that you've agreed together. Really hoping it helps you especially so you can get a good night's sleep.

It sounds like alot to go through sweet. You are truly doing so well though especially with everything that's been going on lately.

Can understand that overwhelmed feeling and yes it can take a while to calm down. Maybe give Pix and Jett some cuddles while just relaxing. You've done it, you made it through and now you can relax sweet ❤️

One of them is suppose to make you drowsy so I’m hoping it does but normally medications don’t affect me that way. @MissGremlin

I need to get a good sleep though as I have a big drive and a big day tomorrow.

So much going on. I actually thought that I was improving but when I started talking and in detail I’m not, nothing has actually shifted. It’s still all the same but Pix has distracted me from it. He totally understood the not wanting to exist but that I don't have the energy or motivation to act on anything.

Im starting to come back to centre. I don’t feel like I’m in the verge of an anxiety attack anymore. I’m sitting outside in the warm sun. Well as warm as it can be when it’s only 30 degrees. I’m listening to the birds cheep. Looking at my lawn that needs mowing again. It’s nice and green though. I’d walk barefoot on it but it’s full of green ants. Just sitting is calming. Grounding even.

Im sorry I havent even asked how you are going? How is Casper going with his ear?

I really need you tonight @tyme

Im hoping you are able to work through your lists with a less foggy brain.

@Captain24 it would be good if it did make you drowsy, at least then you'd hopefully sleep.

I think whilst things are still settling it's still going to be tough. Pix is still recovering and getting used to a new routine and you are still adjusting to that aswell.

I'm glad you are starting to come back. Sitting outside sounds very grounding. Those green ants are nasty, would definitely not recommend walking barefoot with them around.

It's ok sweet, i wanted to be there for you. Things are heavy, I'm exhausted after today. Casper is ok though, he had his first tablet earlier today. He's still his normal happy self which is good.

I’m hoping it does but the pain has eased a lot so maybe I’ll sleep anyway. @MissGremlin. I am going to take some more before I go to bed as well. It will still be way under the daily limit.

Yeah. It’s an adjustment for all. Mum included, trying to work out insulin as I only have one bottle and it needs to go between her place and mine!

I’ve just had some dinner and I’m nowhere near as dysregulated as I was.

Im feeling really open, vulnerable and raw. It’s hard to be so open but I need to be for them to be able to help me.

I can imagine the exhaustion, not sleeping, the stress of Casper and just general life. I’m glad he is still himself. At least you have stuff for his ear now and that’ll help with the pain

Anything I can do for you?

@Captain24 I'm just doing my bedtime routine. I need to get to bed, I need to just be able to relax. Will chat to you soon sweet.

I hope it relaxes you. @MissGremlin

If it’s to overwhelming to chat then that’s ok I will understand.

@Captain24 no, I want to chat. I just want to get into my bed.

I just didn’t want to overwhelm you with to many conversations when you are struggling so much. I was looking after you 😜 @MissGremlin