I can’t cope

@Captain24 I was the same way when I saw yours pop up. Was hoping that you'd get a good night's sleep.

The panic attacks are horrible and the lack of sleep is taking an enormous toll on both my mind and body. I'm laying here hallucinating and hearing things which is so scary. Just trying to remind myself that it's not real and that I'm safe.

Waiting to get through to a crisis service aswell cos sitting in this space with the panic, thoughts and urges plus the other things happening is a bit too much. (I'm safe for now).

Are Pix and Jett snuggled up with you?

Hi @MindfulMango

I wake up when I roll over. I’m thinking I should have gone to ED. But I was worried about the wait. Sitting in that chair for hours on end and I have a really sick dog and didn’t want to leave her for that long. She hadn’t been out of hospital for a week yet.

It’s exhausting. A friend sent me some exercises to do and I’ve been doing those since I woke up. Hoping that it helps.

I just feel that I can’t take anymore. My beautiful baby girl nearly dying. My extreme back pain. My mood. It’s all just too much. I do see my GP tomorrow, well today actually and I have my psychologist on Tuesday. I need my back pain to be more manageable by then as I’m seeing her in person for the last time until October. It’s a 3 hour drive each way. We usually do Telehealth.

Im hoping I just go back to sleep. It doesn’t help that I have 2 dogs in the bed with me. At least they are just laying against me not trying to get between my legs or in the nook of my knees.

I was hoping for some sleep for both of us @MissGremlin. I’m really proud of you for reaching out. I can’t do it. The thought of ringing a crisis service fills me with panic. But I do have other supports.

It must be so scary. I couldn’t imagine it. I have had a couple of paranoid events. My psych is keeping tally of them. She has flagged them on my file so she can keep tabs.

Pix is at my feet and Jett is laying against my back. It’s nice to have them close but being able to move better would be too! It’s good for comfort just not my back. How close is Casper?

@Captain24 it's hard to reach out especially with some of the experiences I've had when I've done so. But there's also a point when I know i need a little bit of support to get through the moment.

Your psych is honestly sounds amazing. I'm really glad you have her.

Awww I'm glad they are close but yes I get what you mean about being able to move better. Casper is squished up behind me snoring away.

Hey there @MissGremlin,

Just wanting to jump in cause I can see that you've been struggling with sleep tonight too like @Captain24 ‌‌ 🙁 It's good that you're reaching out to a crisis service, because you definitely shouldn't have to sit with those scary hallucinations all on your own! You're doing a great job of reassuring yourself that they're not real. I know it's not easy to do that when everything feels overwhelming.

Fingers crossed that you get through soon 🤞 In the meantime, it might help to have some grounding items around you, like a fluffy pillow/doona, a hot drink, or anything that can help you feel settled until you're connected with a counsellor!

Hello @MindfulMango, I do try to sit with things alone for as long as I can but that time was alot less than I normally can tonight. I've only had 2 hours of sleep a night since Tuesday so it's really starting to take a toll. I am planning to try to ring my doctors surgery today to get in to see him sooner cos my next appointment is still just over a week away and I really can't keep going like this.

Hoping I can get through soon. I have a weighted blanket on me and also my puppy Casper cuddled up behind me.

Awh, it sounds like there's been a lot happening for you lately @Captain24, no wonder it's been so overwhelming!

Nearly losing your precious fur-baby would have been such a tough thought to deal with, I imagine it's not easy to leave her side even if it's to go to your doctor. It's good that you have some great supports lined up in the next couple of days! Hopefully being in touch with them would allow you some space to recover even just a tiny bit.

It takes lots of will power to kick fur babies out of the bed, but if you need to prioritise your rest, I'm sure they'll cope with a night out of bed if needed! You can't keep taking care of your fur babies, if you're not well yourself after all.

Hope the exercises your friend gave brings in the sleep faeries soon!

I hope you got some sleep after your call @MissGremlin

Im awake again and so tired.

@Captain24 i dozed off just after 3.30am and I'm awake having another panic attack after not even an hours sleep.

I'm sorry you are awake again and I understand the tiredness. Was it pain that woke you up sweet?

She is my lifeline @MindfulMango. Pix is the only reason I’m alive today. I would have ended it if I didn’t have her. But I just couldn’t break her heart. Then I got another one! So now they both need me but there has been quite a few times where I have just thought that mum would take them.

It is hard to leave her, I even called in sick for work. I’m actually suppose to be there now. But I couldn’t bring her home and then leave her with mum. I’ve had to get her into a new routine as she has diabetes and needs insulin every 12 hours.

Leaving her on Tuesday will be hard but Kim has to pick her up early. I will leave at 6:30 but she has to have breakfast and insulin at 8:30. So I know she won’t be home alone long and mum is worried about her too.

Pix is good she got off the bed as she got hot but Jett won’t stay off the bed, he just jumps up. Having only one makes it a little easier as he will move. Pix won’t!

I am putting Pix first, I don’t matter she does. It’s hard to look after her but I just do it.