I can’t cope

It was about 14 years ago, maybe more. The first time I spoke to him after that was when my nan was dying 2 years ago. @MissGremlin. I haven’t spoken to him since.

That sounds like a tough situation.

@Captain24 I'm not surprised you haven't talked to him since.

It is a tough situation, it's all just so messed up.

She's one smart dog.. she already knows she will get a treat @Captain24

When's her next vet appt? I really hope things will settle and she wont need the insulin long term. Is doggy insulin same as human insulin? Or do you have to get it from the vet?

Do you have anything planned for the wk ahead?

She is really treat orientated so it doesn’t take long to learn. @tyme

She goes to the vet Wednesday at 5pm for more testing. I’m praying that it’s short term but if it is there is a high probably that she will develop it later in life. I get it from the vet. I think it’s the same as insulin is insulin but it is called caninsulin. I hope that’s ok to say as it’s for dogs not people.

I have a GP appointment tomorrow, go and see my psych in person on Tuesday. I wanted to go one last time for closure for myself at the hospital. The Wednesday Pix has her appointment. Thursday I don’t have anything and Friday I go back to work. I do have a lot to do n Wednesday and Thursday though, I have to mow my lawn again, bath the dogs, clean the house and food prep!

What do you have happening?

Awww @Captain24 . Going the hospital will be a bitter sweet moment. What will they do to the building? You can take a few photos lol.

It sounds like you have a busy week ahead.

This week, I'll be looking after the kids more. My sis is away for work so I have to mind them. I'm also going to try and get my list completed (before the next list).

It's a 'get-stuff-done' weeks for me... no outings!

I'd better go soon. I'll see you later this week.

I don’t know what they will do. It’s a pretty good building though. @tyme

Ot will be very bittersweet. I may shed a tear or two especially if I see any of the facilitators or nurses.

I hope the kids are good for you. I’m guessing they can feel that something isn’t right. So much for your sisters job not affecting family life! 😜

I hope having it written down helps you to work through it.

Talk soon.

It’s 1:45 and I’m awake. My back has woken me up. I’m really tired so I hope I go back to sleep soon.

It’s got me feeling really low. I don’t want to be like this. I’m having really dark thoughts. It’s just the icing on the cake. The straw that broke the camels back. However you want to look at it. I’ve been fighting the thoughts for weeks now but my pain has made it even worse. I’m safe because I can’t get out of bed but also because I’m just too low to care to not be.

@Captain24 sitting with you sweet. I've woken up having a panic attack. Hoping we can both get back to sleep soon.

Hey there @Captain24,

Disrupted sleep and pain can be really overwhelming, it's understandable that this has brought up a lot of dark thoughts that you've been fighting back the last few weeks. Regulating our emotions take up A LOT of energy, and not really being able to replenish that energy would be really frustrating 🙁

It's a good start that you're safe, regardless of what the reason for that safety might be for now. It's okay to not really be in the space to feel "motivated" or "positive", you're allowed to sit with the low if that's what feels right for you at the moment. Sometimes sitting with the low is all we can manage, when it feels like all our energy has been depleted.

If it feels like the pain and the low is something that you're struggling to carry by yourself, I highly encourage you to reach out to your supports, or a support hotline (like beyondblue), so that you can get some help in easing some of the heaviness 🌻 It can be isolating to go through these moments alone, so it's always good to give those around us a chance to be with us if they want to be.

I hope you get some rest despite the pain, and that there's no more uninterrupted sleep for the rest of the night!

I saw the notifications and I was hoping one wasn’t you @MissGremlin. Not in a bad way just that I was hoping you were asleep.

I really wish I could take the panic attacks away for you.

Im really hoping it has settled and that you are sleeping again.