I can’t cope

@Captain24 I get that hun, our furry companions are already so much responsibility, and I know how devastating it can feel to have to do these kinds of things for them when we know it's painful, but we can't explain to them that it's for their own good...

I hope Jett has settled a little and isn't barking too much anymore. Poor little guy... and poor lil Captain! You two gonna be holding each other tonight I think. It's okay for you two to feel a little lost without her there 💜

Dealing with mix of emotions atm, trying to keep my mind bust, struggling to want to do anything today @MissGremlin

yesterday my GP gave me script for meds combination pack and gave me small amount of info reason for the meds. Between reading info about the meds (3 different antibiotics I have to take at same time each day for a week) plus pain I’ve got, is possibility I may have stomach ulcer, at the least. Don’t want anything to happen to me for sake of my cats, they will only 5yo in couple mths. Trying to keep my mind on positive things, not that easy. I’m safe

@Flutterbug9 i hear you sweet. This sounds really tough to be sitting with. Going through the info about meds can be hard, there's alot to take in. I'm sorry you've been in alot of pain with the possibility of a stomach ulcer, hoping the meds can help so you are more comfortable sweetheart.

Have you got any plans for the weekend or is snuggle time with your beautiful cats?

@Captain24 I'm so sorry sweet, I missed your last post to me.

I can only imagine how hard it is to have to go through the same surgery again and I'm sorry that you do. I'm really hoping the surgery goes ok this time with no complications and that you don't need more surgery after that. Sending you hugs sweetheart ❤️.

My day was incredibly rough, it was one of those days where anything that could go wrong did go wrong (I'm safe). I'm glad to be in my bed now and snuggled up with Casper, hoping tomorrow is a better day.

I’ve just woken up and in crying @tyme @MissGremlin @Jynx

Maybe she has always had pancreatitis but I just catch before it gets there. Because I know her so well and know when things aren’t right. Even when the vet asked me question yesterday I could answer them all. Even down to the colour of her poo. The diabetes side is really new it’s started halfway through the holiday. When she started drinking to excess. I thought it was the weather though.

I did sleep well, I think it was all the crying and stress. I’m going to cry when I see her too. I hope I remember everything that they say. I will write it down.

I won’t do much today other than hold my baby and watch her closely.

Hello @Captain24 sweet, a gentle reminder that its ok to cry especially with everything that's been going on. Love and hugs sweetheart ❤️.

I know Pix is going to be so excited to see you today and no doubt there will be a wave of emotions when you get to see her. You did so well to pick up on Pix not being herself and giving the vet as much information as possible so they could help her. Definitely a good idea to write things down, you could also ask the vet to print things out for you sweet.

Be gentle with yourself today and know that we are here for you ❤️

It’s embarrassing all the crying I’ve done. @MissGremlin. I’m hoping I don’t cry when I see her so I can take in as much as possible. They are really good there so they should give me a print out of what I need. The nurse that I’m seeing is the one Pix has made friends with. The nurse was carrying Pix around and the vet took Pix for a little walk and Pix was running around. They are really caring there and they know us. They know that Pix is a handle with care kind of dog. The vet even jokes that Pix must have still been sick as she was being a good girl and not snapping at them! 😂

It’s so hard as I’m in a really bad place mentally and this on top. One thing though is I haven’t been thinking of myself just my babies. I may not have had such a bad reaction if I was more well. One night Pix licked my face during the night and probably saved my life. I can’t say much more about that but I think you can read between the lines.

Im going to go and have a shower so I’m ready to pick her up. I want to clean the kitchen as it’s really bad and then after I get her I’m going to spend the day with her. I’ll snuggle her while ever she will let me bug if she just wants to go down to my bed then I’ll let her. It’s where she is most comfortable.

Sorry about the long post but I just needed someone to talk too.

@Captain24 i do understand feeling embarrassed but from where I'm sitting i don't see it that way at all. Even if you do cry just try to take a deep breath and know that she will be coming home with you and you'll get to have lots of cuddles with her. I'm so glad that your vet is really good, Pix sounds like she's been in very good hands there. Haha handle with care kind of dog 😂.

I hear you sweet and yes I can read between the lines. Our fur babies definitely know when we aren't doing ok, I'm glad Pix was there for you in that moment ❤️.

Hope you enjoy your shower and can get the kitchen clean. Be gentle with yourself today sweetheart and just enjoy cuddles with your beautiful babies. You've done so well to get through this time, I'm really proud of how you've handled things ❤️.

It's ok just sorry it takes me so long to reply 😂. Always happy to sit and listen and chat to you sweet ☺️

She is home @MissGremlin @Jynx @tyme

The vet rang me and talked me through some stuff. She got really snappy over night. She is feeling a little better but Jett won’t leave her alone so she is snapping at him!

So.. Pixies glucose level was normal this morning after not having any insulin overnight. So they haven’t sent me any home for the weekend. I have to monitor her glucose levels twice a day for the weekend. She goes back in on Monday for a glucose curve. It’s that same as a human having a glucose tolerance test. It will show if she currently has a diabetic issue or not. The vet that called said that it is highly possible and to expect the worst but hope for the best. Her pancreatitis is still there and she is in a great deal of pain but I do have 2 lots of pain relief to give her one is every night and the other is as needed.

She is still one very unwell dog and needs a lot of care. But I will give that to her. She didn’t eat her food for breakfast which is a concern but she did eat some of Jetts. Mum has some gentle food at her place so I’m going to go around and get some of that. It’s the prime 100 log, which Pix eats, but it’s chicken and a little gentler for Pix’s empty stomach.

I didn’t cry when I got there as I already knew what was going on. So that was really helpful.

Im going to do a few things around the house today while she is sleeping. Keep myself busy. I need to so all my emotions don’t run through. While all this has been a traumatic distraction and will be for a while yet, maybe weeks, maybe permanently, it hasn’t helped at all with my mental wellbeing. I’m still in that freeze state which has been even heightened. But I need to focus on Pix first. I don’t matter, she does.

I slept for a long time last night but it was restful. I’m really exhausted today. But I was crying from the time I woke up. Even at 4:30 when I woke for a little bit.

Hi @Captain24 ,

Thank you for sharing this update with us. It sounds like Pixie being unwell is causing you to have a lot to hold at once - the uncertainty, practical care and the emotional weight of it all.

It honestly makes a lot of sense that you are exhausted and in that "freeze" state. Our nervous systems can go into survival mode when caring for someone we love (like our pets / fur babies), and even small tasks can feel huge. I find everything more overwhelming when I am sleep deprived.

Please know that you do matter too. You're doing an incredible job showing up for Pixie, but it'd important to take moments to eat, rest and breathe when you can. You're not alone in this💓