I can’t cope

Hi @Honeymoon

It’s going to be a long road but she is alive and being cared for especially by the vets. The vet hospital I go to is amazing and very caring.

The hard thing is that I’ve been in ‘freeze’ state for a few weeks now. My psych is really concerned and if it wasn’t for work and my babies I would be in hospital.

This added stress is hard but it is taking the focus off myself. While I still can’t really do anything but sit and stare at a blank wall, I know have to focus on Pix and Jett. She needs me more than ever now.

I am trying to look after myself. I did go grocery shopping yesterday morning before this all hit. I actually got some food to cook for lunch and dinner but just couldn’t do it yesterday. I have to try harder today. I need to make eating a priority to have the energy to help Pix through. She is my biggest focus.

Hi @Captain24

It's great to hear that Pixie is in good hands with a caring Vet. I am also glad you've got your Psych involved and that you're not carrying this alone - recognising when you need extra support is a strength. It's also positive that you're noticing what you may need right now - prioritising adequate nutrition and rest can make a big difference in helping you get through this hard time. Even small steps towards eating and resting more is a win, you don't have to be perfect with it!

You're doing an incredible job showing up for Pix and Jett, and you deserve support and care too.

I have just eaten. A had a salad roll from the bakery. So at least it was something healthy. @Honeymoon.

Pix didn’t eat which is so out of character for her. But I think she is in a lot of pain. I’ll give her some pain relief in a couple of hours. I’m not sure what she got at the vet this morning and they are closed so I can’t call and check.

I see my psych on Tuesday. It’s going to be a big appointment. I have a lot to unload from the holiday as well as Pix.

I think the three of us might head to bed for a little while. My head is pounding. I’ve had a headache since yesterday morning.

Thank you for your support this morning. I really appreciate it and needed it. Thank you

Thank you for the update @Captain24, and you're so welcome 💓

I'm really glad you managed to eat something.

I'm so sorry Pix is in pain and that you're not feeling well.

Please keep being gentle on yourself, I hope you get some much-needed rest now.

~@Honeymoon

I’ve had nearly 2 hours sleep but Pix hasn’t slept much. My poor baby is in so much pain. I’ve just given her a different pain tablet and see what that does for her. If it doesn’t help then I’ll call the vet in the morning. It’s so hard to see her like this and not be able to do anything. I think if today wasn’t Saturday they would have kept her in longer.

She is just looking at me wanting me to help but there is nothing I can do. It’s breaking my heart.

Thank you for the update @Captain24 . I certainly sounds like things are hanging in the balance. I'm sorry to hear your baby is in so much pain. It's totally understandable you would be concerned - after all, she's your life.

You are stronger than you think @Captain24 .

As if riding out this depressive episode wasnt' enough, let a lone this. Your babies need you. They are so lucky to have you as their mum.

She is doing pretty tough @tyme. I’m hoping this pain relief kicks in soon. I’ve just put her in the big soft bed hoping she is more comfortable than the floor. She can barely walk.

It's so hard. Stressing out and looking after Pix is hard at anytime of my life. But right now feels so much harder. Especially when I can’t do anything for her but can’t do anything for myself either. All I have done is close the kitchen cupboard doors. Plus onto mums and get different food to try and get Pix to eat so while I was out I called into the bakery to get some lunch. I am now sitting here looking at a blank tv screen. It was hard enough without this. But I will be here for her as much as she needs me. She comes first, I don’t matter.

It sounds incredibly tough. At the same time, I hear the sacrifice you are making for Pix, and that just shows how loyal you are to her and how much you love her. It's hard to see the pain of a child, and Pix is your child. @Captain24

Power on. We are here supporting you as you care for your baby. I can see you sitting at her bedside trying to make her comfortable.

I know you say you don't matter, but to the community here, you DO matter.

Take it easy. It's totally okay to be feeling what you are feeling and doing what you are doing. If I had a loved one who was sick, I'd be doing the same thing.

I’ve been trying to be strong. I need to be to get her through this @tyme I will do what ever I can for her. I think she is finally comfortably asleep. Her breathing is still really shallow though.

I know I have been all about Pix but I am really struggling through it all. The holiday have me moments of escape but reality hit when I got home. Nothing had changed. I hadn’t changed. Then Pix on top of it all is really bring me undone. I can’t function at all. Everything I have pushed myself to do is about Pix. I can’t do anything for myself. I didn’t even shower before I picked up pix, I went unshowered.

Things the first time I have thought about myself and it’s really bad.

I really need someone to hold me and tell me that Pix will be ok and that I will be ok. I see my psych on Tuesday so that will be good. It won’t be long enough though. I have Pix to process and my holiday, especially around my brother. Pix should be feeling better by then and I may have more idea whether the diabetes is permanent or not. That should help a little with processing her. It’s going to be a long time until Monday afternoon. Today’s vet has booked Pix in with yesterday’s vet for the curve. I want to stick with yesterdays vet as she is the best in the practice, knows Pix and isn’t scared of her.

Hello lovely!

How are you? How has the rest of your trip been? I saw the photos you posted, where you feel the most connected to your mum, how beautiful. 🥰 @Captain24 It looks like Pix and Jett had such a fun time exploring too. 🥹