I can’t cope

It is @tyme. It’s got hold of me and I can’t release it, in anyway I’ve tried. I hate what it’s doing to me and the person I am because of it. I have had enough. I can’t take much more.

The hardest part is that I was good.

Together, can we look at it that it has gotten hold of you for 'now'? @Captain24 . It doesn't mean it has taken hold of you from now on.

I'm more than happy to sit with you in this. I believe it will pass. It has for me, especially when I least expect it.

Has Pixie had a walk today?

Looking at it as for now helps a little @tyme. To try and redirect my focus and maybe my thoughts won’t be so final.

My boss’s boss just rang me because I had to go home from work early last night. He is setting up a meeting with HR on Monday to discuss what they can do to help. Im really lucky with my workplace.

Im taking pixie for a walk at 7

I'll chat after your walk @Captain24 ?

I’m home from my walk @tyme. It didn’t really help at all just made my back sore. I feel like everywhere I turn I fail.

I'm sorry you didn't feel the walk helped. But maybe the thought that you managed to do something that didn't help is an accomplishment in itself?

By the way @Captain24 , I never got to ask. How did that dietician appointment go?

It went really well @tyme. She didn’t tell me I had to eat three meals a day like I thought she would.

She gave me a few suggestions and asked that I complete one by the time I see her in a month. It was basic stuff like drink diet cordial instead of soft drink.

My usual dinner is pasta with cheese. I have to halve the amount of pasta and put a few frozen veggies in it. She lives on her own and gets it when it comes to cooking.

Tonight I had a packet of flavoured microwave rice with tuna. I also have fruit in my fridge.

I think she is trying to make it as easy as possible. Her focus is eating to help my mental health and weight loss is a bonus.

That's exactly why I saw my dietician in the first place! It was to improve my overall mental health @Captain24 . Her advice sounded so reasonable.

So it's not about restricting or not eating foods - it is about moderation.

You know what? I'm continually amazing at how supportive your entire care team is. You seem to have the most helpful and supportive treating team anyone could ask for! Usually it takes a bit of trial and error - but for you, it seems like you have incredible supports! Hold onto them while you can!

So did they say you CAN eat chocolate and sweets too?

Overall healthier eating might also help with your back.

Only the other day, I heard on the radio that the worst job (seen as a death trap) is truck driving.... the sedentary, long hours are a killer.

She didn’t say I couldn’t eat anything @tyme. She suggested fruit or nuts instead of chocolate and lollies. That will be a work in progress for me though! The easiest thing for me to change is the cordial. So that’s my one thing but I’ll work on dinner too. Hopefully in a month I’ll have both sorted. She said changing too much and I will fail.

I am pretty lucky. I hope the new GP is as good as my current one. I don’t know how many GP’s would fit someone in in an emergency like she did last Friday.

Also my nurse, who’s on holidays, had another nurse from her department check in on me today. She was awesome too. We must be pretty lucky with our MH team here. There is only one psychiatrist with the team and one dietitian.

Losing weight should help my back. The physio thinks it’s the rapid weight gain.

I can believe that about trucking! Especially road trucks. I left last night because I didn’t feel safe and thought I may put others at risk.

Sorry @tyme

Thanks for the chat and distraction.

Im not ok. I can’t write what I’m thinking. I think it’s best if I just go to bed.

Sorry