I can’t cope

That would be really hard to be around - hearing her always talking about things your brother is better at 😢 @Captain24 . I can understand why you are not looking forward to seeing them together!!

Interesting (in a good way) your comment about your mum manipulating your brother currently due to worry about him re: ex/partner.

I had been thinking some of your mums actions towards yourself were a at time controling or "strings attached". I didn't want to say anything yet because i know she also helps you with looking after the dogs when you're at work, and i wasn't sure how the rest of the relationship looks. But I am glad you can see that some of her behaviours are (whether or not intentionally!) at times a bit controlling with regard to adult-children; and perhaps also that this isnt always reflective of how much one is "loved" if she also does it to your brother.

I'm not sure how that is going to sit with you. And it is absolutely 100% OK to say "nope. Thats not it. Not whats happening. You're wrong."

Its also OK to say "back off, don't go there" to me. 😊

I want you to know its OK to respond however you feel. Don't feel "obliged" to respond in any particular way (or at all, even!).

I could be totally misreading things!

Just know i note it with love and care and best intention for you. And none of it reflects you. I'm only observing possible patterns in your *mum*'s behaviours, and wondering how it sits with you?

Yes, my mum is respectful and loving of me and my sister. Sometimes she isnt perfect of course! But her intent is always out of care, concern and love. I am fortunate. My father... he is well-intent but cannot see his own controlling, dismissive, judgemental, etc attitudes. But since they are divorsed and dont live together i dont have to see him except by my own choosing -- its not a "package deal" with seeing my mum.

I find it a lot harder when a person is well-intent but harmful. I don't want to cut them off in this case, but i also need to limit and put clear boundaries to protect my wellbeing. And in his case, he can "rote learn" them but he has no insight into why - meaning he cannot extend the boundaries to similar situations, nor can he realise that if he doesn't do/day specific things in relation to specific topics then it would actually be OK to talk about those topics.

My plans for the day. None. I was thinking of taking dogs to a cafe whilst my mum has an appointment, but then I realised she needs to leave for it whilst the dogs will still be on their dog-walk (assuming the walker comes! But no reason to think he won't, its wet but not actively raining).

So i guess i will do more of my painting touch-ups?

Maybe i will do a little bit of putting-away of things that have been piling up over the month. 🤔. I feel that "I should", but i also honestly dont really care to - and i'm the only one affected by things piling up on tables/etc. Its not a hygiene risk or anything. So i also dont pressure myself to because if i dont care about it... is it really an issur?? Just because society says a house should look tidied up? 😅

Hey @AlwaysMyself

It’s 💯 ok to say that about my mum. It’s actually helpful that you can see some of it. I know you only have what I say to go off but it is right. She does care for my dogs and that’s no strings attached. I do have to ask permission to do anything else though. Like I want to go and see my psych in person again in a couple of weeks, so I had to ask. She is getting better about me going down especially after my aunts episode. Plus it’s the last one I can do until about October as I don’t have enough daylight to get there and back. Most of it is on rural roads with wildlife.

Feel free to say anything you notice. I’m not easily offended especially when it comes to my family. It’s been a hard road with them and a lot of my trauma stems from it.

Im so glad you have a good relationship with your mum and have the ability to acknowledge that she has made mistakes but understand that that’s ok. I also like that you look after yourself when dealing with your father. What inspires me about you is that you have an amazing ability to know what you need and when. You have so much awareness around yourself.

I love it. I am always conscious of my house, mainly the living area. I feel judged if it’s not perfect. My previous places have always had stuff around and not always hygienic though. But when I moved into this place things changed and I changed. It’s my first home and I built it so it was brand new.

It’s been raining most of the day, we went to a pet shop, spotlight and Bunnings this morning. I spent a lot of money! Especially in the pet shop!

Because it’s been raining I didn’t go to the beach but instead I went to a marine park and feed and patted sharks and stingrays! It was really good. I am wishing I went earlier though and had time to go to the beach but now I don’t. I’m sitting in the car park having a smoke before heading back to where we are staying.

Wow, a marine park when you can feed and pat?? Thats very cool @Captain24 . I'd be up for that too 😊 (because the sharks are used to it, i know they wont hurt me!)

Guess what? I put away one pile of things! 😊 it was a bit more than a pile, took about 15min lol. But i did it. So that is enough for today. Plus i cooked some mince to use for lunch/dinner.

Why do you need permission from your mum to physically go to see your psych?

(Because of dog-caring duties? Or another reason too?)

I am very much an introspector. And i've had to be, because of coping with my chronic depression. My way of coping is basically living in my head and rationalising everything. But i dont really recommend it longterm 😅.

It was pretty cool @AlwaysMyself. Sharks feel really rubbery and sting rays are slimy!

The sharks I was feeding were so close to my toes, closer than the brown snake! We were standing on sand in the edge of the water. They literally swam past my feet.

Well done on getting some of it done. Bonus points for even more than you thought! Plus cooking! That’s a few accomplishments for the day!

Yeah.. the dog sitting duties! I have told her that it’s basically just a couple of hours over lunch and drop them back home.

It does sound really hard. To be constantly analysing everything. It sounds exhausting.

Just sitting here waiting for my brother to show up. Getting really stressed about it. He hasn’t even contacted mum yet. My heart rate is rising.

Hope your brother shows up soon (or close to when he is expected) @Captain24 . I strongly dislike waiting for people to arrive when they're late without letting me know. Its one of those things that irrationally cause me to feel stressed. 😬

Are you worried he won't turn up? Or turn up very late?

How would your parents respond to that?

Mum rang him and he is coming around 6. We have ordered the pizza for 6:10. If he is late that is his problem. He is coming on his own, unsure of the dog though. @AlwaysMyself

I don’t like it when people are late and waiting really frustrates me.

Mum is really pissed off but she will be all sunshine and roses when he gets here except towards my dogs which will cope abuse. A lot of it.

Your bro's loss if all the best pizza pieces are taken before he arrives 😅😅 @Captain24 .

Wondering if you can put your pups into a room while he comes over? (Knowing they dont like him), so they dont cop it from both him and your mum?

Or even can they both fit into the pram so they are "contained"?

This is the main post @AuntGlow My brother came for dinner at the house we are staying at. My dogs don’t like him or his dog.

@Jynx Just want to tag you in this.

He brought his dog. The order for the pizzas didn’t go through. My dogs are now locked in a room. I hate it and I’m almost in tears. I hate how they have to be locked up because he brought his stupid dog. He doesn’t even care. It’s all about him and he is just a f@cking arsehole. He knows how my dogs hate it but doesn’t give a shit he is a self centred pr!ck. Every time his dog comes near me I tell her to go away.

I don’t even know how they will eat. They are too upset to eat dinner.

Im too upset. I’m not ok at all. I’m not coping. I’m angry. I am safe.

*hugs* @Captain24

Would you consider taking your plate of dinner and going to sit in the room with your dogs?

Might calm them as well as you, and help you all to eat easier that way?

Is there a reason given why your dogs have to go to a different room instead of his dog?

(If it is because the dogs dislike each other, rather than because your dogs dont like bro).

Hello @Captain24 sweet, thought I'd pop over here and now i can see why you're upset. (Saves you having to repeat things)

I'm sorry that your dogs have to be locked away, I do like @AlwaysMyself suggestion of taking your plate and sitting in the room with them but only if that's an option of course.

Know that you're not alone, we are here with you ❤️