I can’t cope

Hey @Captain24 , im so glad you were able to take some rest time last night as well as some alone time today before your friend arrived 😊.

And no appology needed - i dont mind chatting about smokos if it helps you. Doesnt hurt me to talk about it.

The comment from your mum about the surgeries -- sounded soo much like something my mum would say too! Well intent and all, but *sigh*

Hope the appt goes well

I got my free time @AlwaysMyself. Then my friend arrived and it was actually good. We just talked while out in the water. She had a psychiatrist appointment at 4, a phone appointment. We got back out at 3:59 and he had already called! She said he will just move onto the next patient then come back to her. I left then so she could take her call in private. Well a public beach but me not listening!

Mum had no idea about MH. She has no idea as to how I am, My aunty was scheduled last year and diagnosed with bipolar. Mum has only since then told people about me having bipolar. She was telling all the family that I’m fine and manage a normal life. She does admit that I see a psychiatrist and a psychologist but more with it helping me. Not saving me. But even my auntie doesn’t get it. She rang mum the other day saying she was going to a psychologist for the first time since she got out of hospital. She said that she looks at the washing and can’t do it so she goes to bed and sleeps. Mum told her that I write a list and tuck it off. Apparently because I can function my bipolar is nowhere near as bad as hers. Mum did tell her that I drove down and seen my psychologist in person trying to make out that I go to my appointments. So she kind of defends me in some situations but totally has no idea how bad it is or how bad it can get. She just says to me ‘you aren’t going to crackup like auntie did? I can’t go through that again’ it’s about her not anyone else.

Sorry that went a bit off tangent. Mum is just triggering me a bit at the moment.

How are you going?

Oh, hun. Your mum really doesnt quite get it or the impacts of her words, does she? 😥😓.

@Captain24

I'm doing ok, but i guess i have had time to decompress yet. I just got home, having gone to cafe-friends after my appt with my counsellor. I will watch tv with my mum whenever she comes up to watch; not sure when that will be. Could be soon. Could be 2 hours.

Aircon is nice.

Heya @Captain24 ! How was today?

She has absolutely no idea at all! @AlwaysMyself

How are you going now that you have had sometime to process?

Hey @tyme

This is how hard it is to get a break. I decided that I needed to get some stuff from the supermarket. So I thought I’d do it after we walked the dogs. Get back and I grab my car keys to go. Guess what…. Mum had f’en come too! Then she had to question what was buying. Then I got back here and forgot something. Then she asked me four times what I forgot. I got the shots and said that it didn’t matter.

Im having trouble with the way they talk and act. But I had some free time at the beach before my friend got there. It was actually better than I expected having her there. Not much is exciting me though.

Sorry that just p!ssed me off not being allowed to grocery shop on my own. Dad even wanted to drive us. Its ridiculous

Im still struggling though and having to mask consistently is so exhausting.

How are you?

I'm doing alright @Captain24 , although i still havent really decompressed mentally much yet - but physically i have. Watched the last 2 eps in a mini-series with my mum, and picked a new one to watch (this time a Spanish one). I'll prob mentally slow and reflect now i'm going to bed, having caught up on some posts here too 😊.

I wonder... how would your parents respond if you said to them directly "I want to go by myself please. I need some quiet time. But if there is something you would like me to buy for you while I am there, I will." 🤔

I grew up in a fairly direct family, so for me this would be "normal", but i realise that isnt the case for all families! So i'm curious how your family would be likely to respond... reckon they would back off and let you go alone? Even if they didnt understand it or understand why you need the quiet time and space.

Argh @Captain24 , I guess it was sorta expected that they would want to spend 'quality' time with their child, right?

I hear how frustrating it would've been though! Do you smoke in your car? Do you think not smoking causes the frustration too? But yeah, wanting to go to the shops yourself is totally reasonable - can your mum drive?

I'm glad you had time at the beach. I think it can be so soothing. So your friend is already there? I thought it was a few days before she comes... not the next day!

I was talking to my eldest today, and I asked her how the little one is going at school The eldest said that the firecracker is annoying at school, but at school, she is soooo cute that everyone wants to play with her and pick her up because she is so small. Even the eldest couldn't help but give her hugs because she's too cute lol... and they don't even like each other!

So yeah, sounds like the firecracker is very popular at the moment. It's cute to watch the three talk about school now. The little one is no longer left out...

Any plans for tomorrow for you?

@Captain24 I'm so proud of you hun, seeing how you're willing to give it a go, how you're trying to focus on the present ('worry about it then' - amazing!), how you're prioritising rest, it is so wonderful to see!

I'm sorry that things have been so tough with your mum. Saying stuff like that in regards to your auntie's MH too, ugh. Sounds like she feels like if you 'crack up' (which is stigmatising in and of itself!) it'll be putting her through pain... as though it's intentional on your part, and with no regard for what is actually going on for you internally. She sounds like she may have missed the emotional intelligence train...

I'm sorry if that's overstepping. I know that it can be hard to hear someone else talk about one's family that way, even if it's what we would say ourselves. I'm just frustrated... which gives me a glimpse I guess of how much angst and frustration it would be for you to be living it.

Hope the beach has been soothing. Find any pretty shells, cool rocks, or shiny sea glass? 😍💜

You sound so intuned with your body and mind through all of your MH observations. @AlwaysMyself. It sounds like you know what you need and can work on that.

Being direct would not go down well. Mum would carrying on like a child and tell me that I just don’t want her and after everything sh has done for me, she wouldn’t include my meals with there’s, she would make nasty and snide remarks, She would deliberately throw things at me, she would push into me as she walked past. She would ignore my dogs. I have to just do what they want.

I’ll tag you guys in this so you can see what it’s like @Jynx @tyme @AuntGlow