I can’t cope

I have finished and now I’m home @MissGremlin. I didn’t do the 2 hours extra overtime. I just came home but I have so much to do anyway to get ready to leave tomorrow morning.

It’s hard to lose, it was like a safety net. I was planning on going in August, actually I was booked in for the 10th. If all depended on what surgeries I have and when though. It was an amazing place. I would have recommended if I could have.

Im sorry it’s so tough, all you can do is try. Where is your counsellor from? I just haven’t heard you talk about them before. I hope they were helpful and I’m glad you reached out, that’s not easy to do! I’m thinking of you and here for you.

Yeah pretty sure I know @Captain24 didn’t want to say before cause wanted to ensure you felt safe. We drive down along the cost there to go to the beach.

and yes they do have a good reputation. The one I went to the groups were fairly small, maybe 10 people? There were males there but I never had an issue with any of them. Everyone was fairly friendly. The program there runs for 3 weeks, that’s the usual minimum stay and you just join in where the groups are at and it cycles around and round so you get the whole program no matter where you start from. They run and heap of outpatient programs too.

im not great. Been up since 4am. About to order an uber to the hospital for surgery

Hey @Jynx

I might do that. I have a psych appointment at 9 but we have a lot to go through and I’m really tired and won’t have had any sleep. But I do like the sound of it.

My self talk is either nothing or really bad. Right this very second I don’t have any. I don’t have the energy or capacity to even think. Trying to write this is hard enough. I have to keep checking back to see what I’m writing. I don’t have much of anything right now other than distress. I said in an earlier post that I think I might be having a mental breakdown. It’s really scaring me how I feel nothing or just distress. I’m just numb and nothing.

Work hasn’t been a distraction it just feels like it’s making things worse. But at least I don’t go back for 14 days. Maybe things may have shifted by then. Who knows. The holiday will either make me or break me I think.

There are quite a few around here now. Never knew of any until recently, like the last year or two. Everyone was driving slow past it but no one stopped! It was a little bit of joy, just a highlight to my dismal life.

As for nature that is a bit different. I love the beach and the waves, I will take photos and tag you. I like parks and things. But as for being out in the bush and looking for critters, no thanks! I don’t do spiders and I’m really scared of them. I go into panic if I walk through a web and if they are near me. Where we go on holidays I have 7 kms left of there bush walk of 20kms. Just a bit scared of snakes though and that part is all bush. The snakes are really bad this year. Mums neighbour has had two brown nope ropes in their backyard. Which is really concerning as they may have gone through mums to get there!

I’ve dodged echidnas on the road but never seen one close up. That would be really cool though!

It’s one of a kind so it’s pretty easy if you know about it. @Bow. I’m ok with it as that’s where I go not where I live! The beach is really pretty there and it’s a really nice quiet spot. Some mornings we would get an uber a 5 and go and watch the sunrise on the beach!

That sounds good. I like the idea of small groups and if you had no issues with the males then that gives me a lot of comfort for if or when I go. Knowing some of your history with males. They had a 3 week cycle too. They did stage one and stage 2. Stage one you could join at anytime and just cycle through your 3 weeks but stage 2 was a closed group and you had to start at day one. It was good as you never had new people joining.

I hope the surgery goes ok and that it’s a good thing not a bad thing.

It just took me an hour and a half to clean the kitchen. It was a mess but I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t finish one thing at a time, I kept jumping from thing to thing. It really got to me. I still have the rest of the house to clean, a car to wash and clean inside of, 2 dogs to bath, shower and wash my hair, finish packing, hang the washing on the line and get it off and iron it. That’s a lot. I want to be in bed by lunchtime. Oh and I have a psych appointment at 9. All this with being awake since 2:30 yesterday. I’m overwhelmed, I’m exhausted, I can’t function and I’m just sitting on the lounge writing on here. But I just can’t do it. I can’t do any of it, I have to do it though.

hi @Captain24

that is a lot to do over the next few hours, I am so glad you reached out on here to have a bit of a pause, we all need a breather, and having to get things done can weigh us down.

Take the moment breathe a little and think about one thing at a time...9am psych appointment is going to be something really important. So maybe that is the next step.

Be kind to you and take the moment

Mindee

Hi @Mindee

Yeah.. it’s weighing me down. It all feels just too much. Sitting is good as a break but I struggle to start again.

I should clean the floors before my psych appointment and hopefully that will feel a little better.

I have written down my list so I am able to cross things off and see what I have done. So that’s helpful.

I have forgotten to breathe. Maybe if I calm myself down by concentrating on my breathing maybe that will help with the overwhelm. Thanks for the reminder. Plus I’ve just been patting one of my dogs.

Hello @Captain24 sweet. I'm sorry i can't reply right now cos I have things going on. But know that I'm sitting with you sweetheart ❤️.

It’s ok @MissGremlin. I don’t expect a reply. You need to look after yourself first. You are the most important person to you. You need to come first.

Please know that I’m here too.

@Captain24 thankyou sweet, I just feel like I'm really letting the community down and that I don't deserve to be here cos I don't have it in me to offer much support to anyone (I'm safe).

I hope your appointment goes ok this morning sweetheart ❤️.