I can’t cope

@Captain24 well done for having a shower. I hope you can get a good night's sleep sweet ❤️.

Thankyou ❤️.

Morning @Captain24 sweet, i hope your work day goes ok for you.

Just wanted to say how proud I am of you for pushing through even when things have been so hard lately. I know it might not feel like it sometimes but you are truly doing so well and I know that you've got this and we've got you ❤️.

Love and hugs to you sweetheart ❤️

Hey @MissGremlin

I got a couple of hours sleep. Now I’m sitting on the lounge instead of getting dressed. It’s so hard to get myself ready. Lunch is packed and dogs are fed though.

It’s really hard to go to work, like really hard. But I have a mortgage to pay and I can’t take sick leave is a need it for my surgeries

How are you going this morning?

Hey @Captain24 ! Havent been online myself today (just a few occasional posts checks between things this arvo based on email tags).

How did work pan out today?

Are you back @Captain24 ?

I’m home now. Are you still around @tyme ?

I don’t go real well @AlwaysMyself @tyme. Everyone just looks after themselves. No one wants to help each other out. I’m not part of any jokes, I’m not part of anything. I’m just alone like I am in life.

I was driving home and traffic came to nearly a stand still. Everyone was switching around. I saw it and swerved carefully as well but I pulled up and so did the two guys in the car behind me.

 @Jynx

Waiting for the pics to come though 🙂.

@Captain24

It can feel so isolating and lonely when we're not "in" the conversations around us. I know when i was at school, depressed, i would "wait" for my friends to come over to me and talk to me. But very very rarely did they -- and these were friends who genuinely liked me!

I learned the hard way that i had to sometimes be willing to approach them, to enter their group conversations or strike up a conversation myself. Erghh, the effort! And what to say? We had different interests! But it was that or sit and feel lonely.

Same with work - except at work we had a shared "thing" to talk about if i needed a topic -- the job! 😅 (as an IT worker, there is always something about their area of IT to ask about! Lol). But when i changed teams (and sat 10 meters away, instead of 1 meter) - they didnt come to say hi. They didnt message me to invite me to the daily cafe-walks anymore. But if i asked them - they'd be really enthusiastic to, and if unavailable would ask if we could do it in xxx-minutes instead. Its wasnt that they *didnt want* to talk to me.

Hello lovely @Captain24,

Being in a freeze state is incredibly challenging... I know how awful this can be, and I also know how hard it is to feel like things can be different from that place, but I promise they will be with support - which you are getting, and we are very proud of you for doing so. Your psychologist is always really wonderful. 🥹 That sense of connection and co-regulation in person sounds like it was very needed.

What you are going through is so complex and nuanced, and I can imagine you must be very burnt out from your recent health experiences, alongside the stressors at work, and relational vulnerabilities too - it's truly so much to hold. I know you mentioned being gentle with yourself, which I also think is important (as always).

What did your psychologist say or suggest might be helpful right now? 💛

Awww @Captain24 , sorry you feel this way at work. But then again, do you want to connect with their jokes at work? This is different for everyone.

As for the koala, is it okay???