I can’t cope

It did work @Jynx.

I don’t have the functional part but definitely have the numbness part. She explained it very similar to my psych. It’s going to get emotional rocky before it gets better! I knew you would get what is happening when it was explained to me.

It’s ok if you don’t get time. There’s other things you need to do.

I think riding it out is the main thing. But what's hard with that is that you can't see beyond the wave because it's just so big! But as I said from the beginning, we're riding the wave together.

Triggering? There are some parts like emergency services and related trauma that can be triggering, but nothing that is detrimental long term. Sometimes, I find myself take a big breath or I stop breathing for a sec when I read it because I 'feel' it. However, it doesn't mean it has any negative effects on me. It's a trigger, but not to the point of being an issue. I don't mind it. In a way, it reminds me of how far I have come and how having mental health challenges has opened so many doors for me to do other things, and have that empathy that I doubt I'd have otherwise. @Captain24

Whilst MH challenges took away many years of my youth, I don't regret it. I feel like I'm making up for all the lost time by getting my hand into everything! It's a juggling act, but I feel so fulfilled with it.

So yeah, what I'm saying is that there IS good things to come if we can only ride out this wave.

Also, I forgot to say, it was so good to read about your nan and pop's being your special place, and how you put Mars bars on the table as part of your safety net. That's so so special and melted my heart when I read it.

Thanks for sticking by me. I never knew on day one that I would still be on here and that you would still be here by my side.

I was just wondering as you were in extreme distress during your time. I guess bringing up memories and being able to see how far you have come is a good thing. But it does give you the power of understanding so much and in such a deeper level.

It’s inspiring how far you have come and that your life is good for you now. I guess it makes you appreciate it more.

This wave is huge right now. It’s a tsunami! But I guess I will get through it and I’m working really hard to be gentle with myself. I had a massive list of things to do but I took things off, I didn’t mow the lawns, I didn’t bath the dogs, I didn’t clean the house just the kitchen. While I feel a little guilty for not doing it all, I am understanding that I just don’t have the capacity and if I push too hard how much more will I break? Is there any further that I can fall?

I don’t think my psych realised that I can actually ‘feel’ them. I made her shed a tear or two when I told her about my nan sitting with me in church in Spain and then coming out to find a mars bar in the shop next door. I have a star that I see as Nan and pops star. I’ve been looking at that in nightshift. They mean the world to me, more than my own parents.

It is a little special and I made sure I got some while shopping today. There is one sitting on my kitchen bench so I know that they are around

@tyme

I’m hoping with the support and so much understanding that it’ll make it easier. @MissGremlin. Just even understanding what is going on helps.

That sounds terrible. I’ve only had a couple of panic attacks and they were hard. I couldn’t imagine it happening all the time. I can see it would be exhausting.

@Captain24 yes i really hope it does make it easier and understanding what's going on would definitely help.

I'm hopping off for the night, I'm sorry. I have things going on here that I'm struggling to cope with and the tears have started flowing for me (I'm safe). I hope you can get a good night's sleep sweet and that work goes ok for you tomorrow.

I hope you are ok? @MissGremlin. I’m sorry it’s so hard and that you are so upset. I’m thinking of you

@Captain24

We can still do a coping plan, even if I'm not around as much. Maybe we can do it collaboratively with others in here too, like a brain-trust! Might be beneficial for others too 😊

@MissGremlin @AlwaysMyself

Personally, I would start by separating it into sections depending on needs - i.e. for me, I need different things when I'm having a meltdown, vs. having a panic attack, vs. feeling really low or irritable. Being able to identify whether I'm overstimulated, or that my basic needs are unmet, or when I'm in fight mode (cranky, crying, snappy) or flight mode (weepy, wanting to hide, feeling restless) or stuck in freeze (can't make decisions, lots of mental walls, getting 'stuck' and unable to do the next thing, even if the next thing is just going to pee) - all can help inform what coping tools to turn to.

Thanks for being honest hun. There's nothing from you that I 'don't want to hear' really. I always want you to feel like you can be honest with me about where you're at. We'll be here for you as best we can whilst you go through this rough patch and you're finding your way back down the 'ladder' to homeostasis.

Also your Mars bar story made me feel some very big feelings - what an incredibly special thing to have to stay connected to them. Your Nan and Pop are definitely with you, they'd be proud of you for holding on and doing what you can to find your way, I reckon. Big hugs 💜

(づ ᴗ _ᴗ)づ♡

@Captain24 @Jynx Re: Window of Tolerance.

Just watched that insta clip.

Wow! I totally didn't realise, but this "window of tolerance" is exactly what my counsellor showed me a pic of last week! 🤣

We were discussing how it's sort of like a circle where hypoarousal and hyperarousal can sorta loop over to each other too. Because I live for soo much in the hypoarousal state -- that is how I have coped with life. But it tends to mean that when extra stress is added I sometimes flip straight into hyperarousal like i did last week (it is pretty rare for me still though to do this) - and it happens more when I am less depressed! Which makes a lot of sense with what the insta clip is showing and what you were saying @Captain24 about coming back out through that "activation" phase. I think so much psychology I was taught focused on decreasing hyperarousal, that I kinda accidentally taught myself hypoarousal and then it was just taken as "you're getting better because its less intense"??

My need at the moment is freeze state. How do I cope with that as I’m not coping at all. @Jynx. It’s hurting a lot.

Im currently sitting on my bed trying to talk myself into getting dressed for work. I shouldn’t be at work but I shouldn’t be at home alone either.

Mu psych said I need comfort and to be gentle. I’m trying that but it’s not helping with the hurt.

You can’t be here though. SANE has for forgotten about us and don’t care, well that’s what it feels like. The members are the only ones to support each other in extreme states. It’s not fair on them when they are in the same situation. Generally on easier times that works but there is no support from others. I get training new people up but the existing PSW don’t care anymore. All but one. I know it’s peer-peer but when use to added support it makes it hard for us. I feel like I should leave as I am too much for my peers and it’s not fair on them. But I guess the care is no longer there and that’s the way they want it. You will give the same response as others that doesn’t actually help. It’s a scripted response. I guess I have had actual moderators so a little bit of support, I’ve probably had a little more than some but it’s a general consensus on here. A lot are feeling it. But once again sane doesn’t really see it as a priority.

It is a special story and it made my psych feel them too. I made her cry. My mars bar is sitting in the kitchen bench where I see it all the time. Because I just sit and stare at a blank wall, my psych suggest to sit and stare in my front room and I actually have special photos of them in there.

Hey @Captain24 I wanted to check in and see how your morning's progressed? Did you end up going to work or are you taking the day?

I also just wanted to echo others and say how touching the story about the mars bar is. It's beautiful that you can feel your nan and pop when you sit in your favourite room, it reminds me of how people say that when people pass the love still remains, I imagine some of that love living in this room 💜