Hey @tyme
This time next week I’ll be on holidays. I did a bit of packing today, not as much as I wanted but mostly done what I can do. I just couldn’t face anymore.
Yeah. I went down there and saw her and it was really rough but I’m really really unwell. Even the beach didn’t help me. It was just a motion I did. We talked a lot about how I’m feeling and where I fit in the window of tolerance. She explained so much and understood that I feel like I’m so low that suicide isn’t an issue. Apparently that is a thing and makes sense. It took me ages to centre myself to be able to get in the car and drive home. I was pretty distressed. I just have to ride out how I’m feeling as there is nothing I can do to work through it. I just have to be really gentle with myself and comfort myself.
Then yesterday my distress levels were intense. I couldn’t control it, I couldn’t do anything. It was horrible. I can’t even describe how bad. I emailed her to make an appointment for next week on the Wednesday which I don’t normally do. We were emailing back and forth and she had a cancellation at 5 so then we had another appointment. I cried most of Wednesday afternoon including in my appointment. We know that I don’t cry. I just couldn’t stop it. She did help.
I nearly cried when they said that they couldn’t deliver the gas until Monday and then she rang me back and said that they would do it.
I did do a few things today but I’m just so mentally and physically exhausted. I’m at the point where I just can’t function. As the afternoon has worn on my distress levels are rising and it’s really bad. I told her it feels like my heart is broken. Everything in me has given me up, my mind, my body, everything. I’m just laying in bed and can’t get up. I tried to sleep but that didn’t happen, I’m too exhausted for that. I need to sleep tonight though as I have work tomorrow.
How did the first day of school go? Did firecracker want to go too? Did your other niece sleep in her own bed?
