I can’t cope

@Captain24 I'm glad you've had a shower sweet. I hear you are doing your best not to cry, but know that it's ok if you do.

I know it hurts and i know it's not easy but we can take things one day at a time and even one minute at a time if need be. We'll be with you every step of the way no matter how tough it gets or how long it takes, we'll always be here ❤️.

@Jynx @Captain24 @MissGremlin @AlwaysMyself

Shopping centre not far from me has what is deemed men’s clothing store. Their online store also has clothing for larger ladies.

Would be at least 10yrs ago my hubby would buy himself some clothing items and always came home with at least one tshirt for me. He somehow knew about me and men’s tshirts. Only once I remember I didn’t like the design he chose. Last year I bought a nice top from them, mauve trimmed with material featuring palm trees. My favourite traditional guys T-shirt I have is medium grey with design featuring motorcycle and a skill, outline of each part of design in white

@Captain24 Sounds like a very big day Cap, and please remember there is never any time frame in which we 'expect' you to respond. That goes for everyone on the forums - you are always allowed to ignore my tags until you feel ready!!

@MissGremlin you are a sweetheart, and I am with you - one step, one minute at a time is just how it needs to be sometimes!!

Sending hugs hugs and more hugs!

(づ ᴗ _ᴗ)づ♡

⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

(っ˶ ˘ ᵕ˘)ˆᵕ ˆ˶ς)

I don’t want to keep going through this @Jynx. It’s hard and it hurts. I can’t even put into words the pain I’m feeling right now. I just feel like I can’t do it. You know it’s bad when even suicide is too hard to think about. I’m safe obviously as I just couldn’t be bothered.

@Captain24 maybe focusing on what you can control, right here and now, might help?

Hey @Jynx

I went to bed. I actually slept ok which is unusual for my first day back at work. I think I was just exhausted.

Im not doing great but will see what today brings. It’s a work day so hopefully I’ll be distracted.

Something Jynx said last night. (Copied from part of chat on this thread). No pressure to reply or, if choose to, in a hurry @Captain24

my mind is still processing it ( 3 to 4 days after psychologist appointment I think back over things that were talked about, find it makes more sense), one thing Jynx said that keeps coming back to my mind and makes heaps of sense. Wording that we were never taught how to handle anger in a healthy way.

found that to be so true yesterday. Meeting yesterday for all people playing croquet this year. Last yr I became captain of a team as the other 2 in the team wouldn’t take on the role. Flow through to this year meant I had to decide the team name plus prefer of day to play on, decisions having to be done November last year.

yesterday one that plays in team I’m Im captain of saw that team has different name than last yr plus plays on different day than last yr. Her reaction straight away was demanding answers from me with a tone of anger.
soon as she started I felt my temper start to rise. I walked away from her once as knew I was reaching a dangerous point, a point where I verbally lash out.

for as long as I can remember, I’ve always been told about having a bad temper. Don’t remember being help to control it though.

thinking of you today, hoping today things run smoothly for you

@Flutterbug9 i think walking away and taking a brrak at that time is wisdom. And really hard to do sometimes. I am proud of you.

I was sort of taught to manage my anger as my mum being a psych. My dad expressed anger unhealthily, he had a short fuse and would rant for ages and if we were the cause of doing something wrong as a child we would get punished (never enough for bruising though. But innapropriate to do to a teenager - he could have used his words instead).

My mum is slow to anger usually. She taught us to hold our tongue and calm down first before then talking about it.

I have found i like somewhere in the middle - calm enough to be able to express what i am feeling and thinking, but not having to calm down in a way that dismisses the pain and doesnt give the opportunity to respond at the time if i need to (eg on a phone call to a service provider who has just said something that triggers despair/frustration and anger -- i prefer to say "im feeling really frustrated, and this is why..."). It helps me feel heard whilst also being respectful and never abusing the person i am speaking to.

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@Captain24 wrote:

I’ll see if I can do it @AuntGlow. I’ll let you know.

I could try dropping anchor tomorrow. Yes I see her on Tuesday. I think it’s very much needed. She will help me if a fail and fall in a heap tomorrow. She is going to really encourage hospital though but it just can’t happen. If it could I would already be there.

They will love it but they just usually sleep. They both sleep quite a bit, chihuahuas do. We go to the beach in 3 weeks. I can’t do a day as it takes too long to get there. It’s 4 hours to the closest beach.

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Good afternoon @Captain24 💛

How are you today? Did you manage to have a little chat to Pix about how you're feeling?

I would love to hear how therapy went, if you have the space to share?

How did your self-care day feel?

Lots of questions! No rush to respond straight away. 🥰

Hope your shift is going well @Captain24 . See you soon.