I can’t cope

Wow @Captain24 that is amazing

so much detail. You said you don’t really like it.

like to share? I’m curious

I know when I finish projects I’m not always happy with how they have turned out.

sometimes leaving it for few days then going back to it can help

could adding things to it possible help?

Thanks @Flutterbug9

Usually all the furniture stuff is stuck down, this one it isn’t so it’s just sliding around. I probably wasn’t in the best headspace to finish it either. I just put it in my Lego shelves though.

I just tried another of the mini bricks but it’s just frustrating me and I can’t do it. I did one yesterday and got it but today it’s not working for me. The base keeps moving around and the next layer doesn’t help keep the bottom bits together. I just undid what I had done and packed it up. I just can’t do it! Maybe my next break from work I might get it.

How are you going?

I just want my friend to come so I can cook dinner and prepare all my meals. I just want to go to bed and cry. I don’t usually cry but I don’t think I can stop the tears today.

I'm safe

Catching up on posts on the forums from last few days @Captain24

Sorry I’ve not been here for you.

i read you felt your self care was a waste of time as you got nothing done. My understanding of self care time or days is to nor focus on anything except one self. From that perspective your self care do was not a waste. Ok, you didn’t get things done you had planned to do. Things that most likely can possibly wait for another day or time.

please don’t feel that doing nothing on a self care day means the day was a waste. It’s all about 2 important words ….Self Care. Self care is different for everyone.

If Self Care for you means taking a day out and doing nothing but resting and/or sleeping ……. Sounds great Self Care to me.

as @MissGremlin and @AlwaysMyself have both said, big kudos to you for taking a big scary step and being open with your psychiatrist.

its not easy to share personal things with others, know that myself 100%. Worst and most nerve racking times are first couple of times. It’s natural to feel scared, so many unknown possible outcomes.

sounds a positive thing for you that the psychiatrist is going to contact you GP. To have someone like that in your corner and offering to help with whatever they can is priceless.

Nothing wrong with having a good cry @Captain24

crying can help realise some of the pain that builds up inside

questions a counsellor asked me at once stage

(you don’t have to answer, some things that might help work through where you say you don’t usually cry)

- do you feel comfortable about idea of crying?
- why do you not usually cry?
- are you feel you shouldn’t cry?

- has someone told you it’s not ok to cry

has taken me years to feel comfortable crying when I’m on my own. I’m still not comfortable crying in front of anyone. I know for me it wasn’t easy at first and has gotten easier over time

It’s ok @Flutterbug9. You have your own stuff going on.

I struggle with self care. To take a day out was a huge thing for me. I like to be productive. But I guess I have to learn to look after myself better. Half day productive and half day self care. It didn’t work out for me this afternoon either. But I tried.

It was so hard to be open about it. She was amazing though. I have been seeing her for about a year and a half so I’m comfortable with her and she is the one I can basically tell anything to. When I said that if it was possible that I’d be in hospital she knew things were bad. But as much as I needed it I just can’t do it with work and stuff, plus I’m going on holidays in a couple of weeks so I wouldn’t be out in time for that.

We will see what happens with my GP, I’m not holding much hope.

How are you going?

Definitely don’t feel comfortable with crying @Flutterbug9

I don’t cry for shame and embarrassment.

I don’t think I should cry. Due to the shame and embarrassment.

I was always told that if I cried I’d be given something to cry about!

I hear you and fully know the frustration on trying to get mini bricks in first few layers to hold together.

it is not you!!

it’s that exact reason I bought one of the little mats to use.

mat is very thin rubber with raised areas to keep the pieces in place once they are put on it. For me, it’s become a habit/auto to use the mat from start to finish of each one.

I have found some mini brick characters are more challenging to do than others. Similar with my big brick bears. My cats are in the bad books atm. I forgot to close door on bedroom where my Lego etc are. Heard loud crash noise couple nights ago, thought the cats had knocked over some pieces of mdf. How wrong was I.

my white and red bear that had been standing on a shelf approx 5 1/2 foot off the floor was now on the floor in multitude of pieces. Unlike Lego, to fix what they have done means pulling at least half of the 35cm tall bear apart and gradually rebuilding. Not in the right headspace or mood for that. Have been working of the Cafe Corner and have finished the first floor today.

I think I need something like that. Or maybe just a clearer head and some patience! @Flutterbug9

The other one wasn’t so bad and I thought that I can do it. This one is harder. I have heaps of them to do!

Oh no.. That sounds hard and then trying to pick up where you are at with the halfway part on the instructions. I can see why the cats are in the bad books!

Sounds like you got a bit done. I think I saw it on the Lego app? I have loads in my Wishlist!

@Captain24

As a teenager I grew up learning not to cry (or cry in silence) to try to avoid my dad escalating.

used to also get the “cry and I’ll give you something to cry about”

I cried almost non stop for 4 consecutive days at one stage. I phoned BlueKnot and person I spoke to listened and then asked those questions plus at what age was I told to never cry. We spent ages on the phone as she explained the reasoning behind my struggles. Also assuring me it is Ok to cry as it’s a way of release.

only a thought - possible chat with your psychiatrist about it

I’m getting there slowly. Took a sleep med last night in hope it would help. Tried to relax in bed. Well, I tried and did all I could. No nightmares which was one huge thing. Was wide awake at 2:12 am, 4:07am and been awake and out of bed since 6:30am. Had 10am meeting today, only 15min walk from home thank goodness. Was after 9am before started to feel I was fully awake. Clean laundry to put away tomorrow morning plus couple other small things. Going to trivia in afternoon no matter how much inner turmoil that causes. (Since October 2024 only things I’ve left the house for have been medical appointments/treatments, pharmacy and grocery runs plus croquet once a week. Few times got groceries delivered). Know I need to break out of self isolating, easier said than done.

patient details sheet that psychiatrist emailed to completed, have mentioned my self isolating as part of one of the questions.

sent email to psychiatrist this morning asking about one item, waiting for her to reply to me. Nothing urgent. First appointment with her is booked for June. Prefer to provide her with as much info between now and then that can be beneficial