I can’t cope

Totally hear you with the lack of enjoyment barrier @Captain24 . I don't feel active enjoyment from my painting either - but the fine detail draws my focus a bit which is why it can sometimes help if I'm in low-distress, to prevent it escalating to higher distress.

Haha I wish you could send me the paint by numbers you don't want to do 😂 (my current was from my dad because someone gave him one lol - he doesn't have the patience for detail or interest in the PBN type of painting). I have gotten a few free ones from my local free-item groups on social media - I'm sure someone would love anything you decide is definitely not of your liking.

I haven't done a diamond art myself, but I have seen some of the ones done by others here. 😊. I'm curious to try one, but then I don't like sparkly things much and I don't know what to do with one afterwards lol. Maybe one day. 😊

I have some moulding & casting projects to do too, including some resin. However because they are so messy and the setup and pack up time, i find it really really hard to do. i am waiting until a friend can do it with me. or until I feel up to it.

And that's ok - there is no urgency to it.

I'm so glad the mini brick kits have arrived!! 😁 They sound like they will be good to do - as long as you are not feeling overwhelmed or frustrated, when doing fine-motor work can be harder!

Can I ask what object/item your 3D puzzle is that you have ready to start whenever you want? 😍

I'm glad Pix is a good listener. 😊. I think my dogs are better "communicators" than "listeners" lol. But sometimes they are good snuggle-listeners... but sometimes they get up and walk away!! 🤣

Glad you have a friend coming over on Tuesday, even if briefly. 😊 That is something to look forward to.

I had a bit of an issue over this weekend also with the lack of in-person support services available (and my not wanting to reach out to the same few people too often), it can be really hard eh. ☹️ (Don't worry - I'm ok, just had a hard day). I am lucky that I am living with my mother again, so most days I have her around if I want/need some social contact/support.

Tomorrow I have a catch-up with someone in the afternoon which should be good. I know them from work, but I am currently on medical leave for MH. It will be nice to see them and hear what is happening for them because last we talked there were a lot of challenges happening for them. We went through a lot last year together at work; it was a very stressful situation for us both and we became a lot more of supports for each other through that.

Looking forward to being able to sleep in (as much as the dogs let me - even if it requires me to relocate from the bed to the lounge room couch).

I don't have any plans for the rest of my week though, other than my usual weekly appointments.

I think talking to Pix is a great idea. Please let me know if you try this. @Captain24 🫶

I understand your thoughts are louder when things are still and quiet... would it feel okay to explore dropping anchor? Your therapy appointment is on the 20th, right? Could you use this as an experimental window and ground yourself in the knowledge you will have support very soon/a space to reflect on what worked, what didn't, and what you can do next?

Awww she is so cheeky!! I can imagine they will love getting to spend more time with you. I know you're a good mum to them. Is a beach day possible? 🥰

I’m hoping that that works for me. Just to try and regulate myself. I’m glad it helps prevent you from going into high distress. @AlwaysMyself It would be nice to actually enjoy something again. I’ve got so much stuff here that I use to enjoy but just lost it.

I wish I could send it to you. I only ordered it because it was a pic of my favourite bird but I just can’t get into it.

I do different ones to the ones you see on here. The one I’m doing at the moment is a picture of Pix and my mums old dog. It’s the last photo that they had taken together. Mine are quite large and the whole picture is drills. I actually have them framed and hanging in my hallway! I’ve done a couple of them. You could get a little in from Kmart to try but I don’t know what to do with it. Maybe ask the others what they do with them?

The resin is messy and has to be the right temperature. It’s fiddly but I do like trying different colours and mixes. I have a lot of coasters. lol. I have a mosaic project that I want to try just not sure exactly how to do it. I need to work out what to do with the hinges on the box. I’ve done heaps of kits but this is my own idea. But again very messy! I need more space! Molding and casting would be interesting. If you are up for sharing (ok if not) I would like to see some.

They look really hard but I have to give it a try. I won’t ever know if I don’t try it! The pieces are so little! the instructions are really good either.

Im thinking of a little one. I think I have somewhere, a little puppy shop. I’m just not sure where I put it. I have 2 other bigger ones as well but can’t remember what they are! I’ll have a look when I go to that cupboard.

Pix is a really special little girl. Jett is just very self-centred and oblivious to everything that doesn’t revolve around him. 😂

My best friend is t someone I can reach out too when I’m in a rough spot. She doesn’t know how to deal with it and has told me so. I appreciate that she was honest enough to say that though.

Im sorry you had a hard day. I get not reaching out to the same people. I talk to someone I met in hospital a lot but I don’t want to burden her with everything. So I’ve recently kept it all to myself, just some stuff I’ve shared on here.

Im glad you have your mum. Do you get on well? How long have you been living with her?

I’m glad you had a catch up and that you are both supportive of each other. I’m sorry work got really stressful for you. How is your work with you taking MH leave?

I hope they let you sleep in. Sometimes a sleep in is really needed. Mine are really good and just stay on the bed with me until I get up!

Sounds like a pretty cruisy week for you. Appointments do get a bit much sometimes. But I guess we need them.

I hope you get a good sleep tonight and get to sleep in in the morning.

I’ve just gotten into bed and hoping I can talk myself into going to sleep. I’m not thinking that that is going to work though. I should have come to bed earlier when I was really tired but I wanted to finish watch my tv show.

I hope things are feeling a little ok for you? I’m sure you have a bit going on, please feel free to vent or say if you need to. You have been a great support and if I can ever do anything for you please let me know?

I’ll see if I can do it @AuntGlow. I’ll let you know.

I could try dropping anchor tomorrow. Yes I see her on Tuesday. I think it’s very much needed. She will help me if a fail and fall in a heap tomorrow. She is going to really encourage hospital though but it just can’t happen. If it could I would already be there.

They will love it but they just usually sleep. They both sleep quite a bit, chihuahuas do. We go to the beach in 3 weeks. I can’t do a day as it takes too long to get there. It’s 4 hours to the closest beach.

It took a while but I finally got to sleep. I still woke up with the sun though. My body feels really tired and sore. Everything hurts. It hurts to walk, it hurts to sit up and I’m just aching all over. It’s like that ache when you are sick, covid kind of ache. I’m not sick though. I better not be getting Covid again.

I don’t feel refreshed at all. I just feel drained. The thoughts started as soon as I woke up. It’s feeling really hard and it hurts. I’m hurting a lot. They are SI thoughts that I’m having but I am safe. It’s hard to have them so early.

Morning @Captain24 - I had a "normal for me" sleep, which is a good thing 😊. I'm still tired this morning and my brain is still half-asleep with cognition at the moment lol. I realised I do need to be up this morning for when the dog walker comes, and I don't like rushing to be awake at the last minute, so I am up now and can slowly wake more over the next hour whilst until the dog walker arrives.

Hoping your time-out/chill day goes well for you today -- you've got crafty things to do to "keep yourself busy" (even if they don't feel enjoyable, as long as they don't feel bad/worse, right?). And of course you will have the community here to chat with too if you want -- don't forget there are social threads too, including ones about lego and craft 😊. Plus the coffee thread where you can bring up any topic of interest to you to chat about if you want to.

I'm not sure if you like telling funny stories, but I love reading/hearing people's funny stories from life or about their pets, etc. So if that is a good "downtime" distraction for you, please know I am a more than willing audience for posts about that. 😛

I wonder if the friend from hospital might be happy to be able to help sit with you in your pain occasionally? Do they ever ask how they can help/support you?

(I find this a good question myself for having a hint of if that door is open, but i also know that one of my truely supportive friends doesn't think to ask this (her psych suspects she has high-functioning autism, which would make sense) but I know from conversations about this "lack of knowing what to say" barrier that she does want to know and be asked for help / told how she can help if I need it). I try to find things that are a win-win support for both me and the friend - where possible. For example, if I need company but I know my friend would normally be doing meal-prep, we organise for one of us to go to the others (depending on whether I am up to travelling there) and I help her with meal-prep (sitting & chopping veg) whilst I then also get company and a good distraction.

I do get along with my mum quite well, she has been a consistent support for my MH since she found out about my depression when I was young (I'd already had it for >2 years by then, in silence or just with the school counsellor). I have lived in the same house as her most of my life, except for 4 years, but with separate living areas (shared laundry and backyard). I was living separate until nearly a year ago when I wasn't coping well and she suggested moving back in, which would also be nice for her to have "someone around" at the house too. We sit and chat in the evenings or watch TV together semi-regularly, and our dogs (her 1 and my 2) roam freely between our separate spaces - they think its great having 2 humans around and 2 lounge rooms and 2 bedrooms to choose from lol. More couches and beds to sleep on 🤣. When one of us goes away, the other looks after the dogs. It works well for us.

My work doesn't have a choice about my taking sick leave 😅 because I have medical certificates from my GP. But it is comforting for me to know that one of the HR people that I spoke to a lot last year when things were very stressful was glad to hear I was taking time off work and supportive of the idea. Due to organisational restructuring she is no longer HR for my work area, but one of the other HR people I've had support from the year prior is still and they've been kept in the loop and I think are supportive of it -- but I try not to say too much to them because I know they also have to be a HR support/advice to the senior manager who was causing the stressful situation last year (plus they were so snowed under last year, which is why this other person was my go-to HR support instead when shit hit the fans).

My immediate manager is the one I am seeing today, she is lovely and supportive of me going on leave and knows that I may not return to the work team at all (we have both been looking for other work teams due to the issues in our workplace over the past 2 years), which I am guessing is why she feels comfortable now to catch up. Although technically if she is still in the position as my manager, then she can be "keeping in touch with staff whilst they're on extended leave, to ensure they feel updated about work as they wish" also. I will find out how things have landed for her this year regarding work.

I can't always say/vent too much about what's going on in my mind when I am needing support, due to the nature of it. Although I have been able at times to post about it in a way that is ... "but this is what I am hoping might help" or in a bit of a coded/subtle way that allows some people to know what's going on if they wish to know, but not explicit/direct that would cause distress to others reading it. Although I am not perfect with this and did say a bit too much last week which was hard for someone to read, so I removed the harder-to-read parts later. I don't "advertise" where I post about my thoughts, but since you ask (and the others here already know it) I will - but please please please my biggest request is that if there is any chance of it being distressing or upsetting for you, then please do not read it. You are never obliged/expected to. It is only if you want to know more. Deal? I hope so. TW: The 'real' me inside - I come with an SI warning . I've had my depression/SI for 25 years. A less-confronting option, if you do want to know more, if also that it's OK to ask me questions here 😊 and I will answer what I can in a careful way.

My brain is slowly waking up whilst I have been typing this to you. 😊 I think it's now 3/4 awake?
One of my dogs has settled next to me on the couch to sleep. The other has gone to my mum's loungeroom - where she usually steals a recliner chair lol. I have a photo from a few weeks ago of her on one. Mine are very large (tall/long but thin) dogs.

Hi @AlwaysMyself

Im glad you had a ‘normal for you’ sleep. I hope that is a good thing. I like to wake up slowly too. I don’t like to be rushed even though I function better that way.

I did go grocery shopping this morning as I needed food for the dogs and now I don’t have to do it tomorrow and can prep all my lunches before my psych appointment. Then the afternoon will be mine until my friend comes.

Now is my chill time. I have to have structure and routine (autism!) so I have kinda planned my day but trying to just focus on the now and go with the flow. It feels strange to not have a job list. But I’m trying to tell myself that that is ok. Let’s see what crafty stuff I get done!

I struggle with social threads, I have tried a couple of times but it hasn’t worked out. I am on the lego thread and have posted occasionally on the hobby thread.

I’ll have to think of some. I’m sure I have a few. Oh.. I got one.. when I was a teenager, I got undressed and went to get into the shower. The was a huge huntsman in there. I screamed and ran into the lounge room where my mum, dad and brother were. I told them that there was a spider in the shower and couldn’t go out there, that someone needed to remove it. Not overly funny but here is the funny part… I don’t grab a towel or anything, I was there butt naked in front of them all!

She is there for me and I don’t talk to her most of the time but this current time it’s really hard. I don’t want to stress her out too much. We help each other through most stuff. She even came to visit me in December. I’m going on holidays in a couple of weeks with my parents and the dogs. I’ll be swimming in my favourite beach. It just so happens that it is also my friends favourite beach. So she is coming for a couple of days as she needs a break from home and needs some alone time and beach time! The coincidence in the beach thing is, hospital is 4 hours south of me. She lives in Sydney. The beach is 4 hours north east of me and about 3 hours from Sydney. It is so random that we have the same favourite beach but it’s nowhere near either of us or hospital!

Speaking from having autism. It is really hard to know how to verbalise what you want to say, for me anyway. I have trouble with saying the wrong things at the wrong time and with the wrong tone. I don’t know how to word stuff correctly. Most things I say are with good intentions but doesn’t always come across that way. I have trouble asking for help so it’s hard to offer help. I am willing to help anyone but don’t want to make them feel awkward or obliged if they don’t want to. I don’t know if that makes sense or not.

I love how you can just help each other by being there. Just the simple things of cutting up veggies and just ‘being’. Just the connection with someone can be helpful, just knowing each other is there. I’m so glad that you have a friend like that. You are really lucky.

That's great that you have such a good relationship. It must be so good to have a supportive mother. The house sounds good, you can be together or separate as you want to be. You have your own space that is not confined to your room but if either of you want company then you are there. The dog situation sounds like a win for them! Then they also have each other. My mums dog likes it when they babysit mine while I’m working, she has friends to play with! Her and Jett get on really well, there is 10 months between them. They are best of friends. Keiko loves it when she comes and visits here too. She loves my house, the space, all the toys and the big backyard! Plus her friends. Having a live in dog sitter is great, it allows you some freedom. Both of you. I take my dogs when I go on holidays with my family but when I go to hospital I have to get a house sitter to look after them as mum won’t take them for 3 weeks. She will usually only do while I’m working or for a day trip.

Im glad HR is supportive and understands. It’s a shame that they got moved though. It’s hard with HR as they are the middle man and have to report to above so it’s hard to be able to be too open. It sounds like it was a really but and very distressing time for you, well for all. I’m glad that you have taken some time out to reset and gather yourself back together slowly even though it’s has greatly affected your MH.

Im glad you can catch up and that she can check in with you. I hope it’s beneficial for you. Can you change work teams within where you work or do you need to try and find another job when you are feeling mentally better (That’s a bit of hope that things will improve for you!)

It’s hard to vent too much and I get the coded/subtle ways. There can be a bit of overreaction on here at times but I guess that’s their job. I’m sorry that what you said distressed someone, that’s hard to feel like you cant be a bit more open but that it hurts someone else. That can be a hard thing about this space. What is triggering to some is not triggering to others. I’m pretty good with not being triggered unless it comes to ED thoughts and behaviours. I’m not always triggered it just depends where I’m sitting at that time. ED is a hard one. Especially when there is not much help for it. Body image is a tough one too. But the GD chat is helping a little with that. Which I know sounds strange but for me it’s helping things click a little in my head.

Thank you for your thread, I will head over at some stage today or tomorrow. Don’t ever worry about triggering me though. It’s my choice whether I read or not. It’s your space to be able to feel comfortable. I say stuff on here that I wouldn’t say in another space.

It’s hard for it to have been so long. Have you had periods in those 25 years that you have been well? Do you have much support?

Im an open book and you can ask me anything. If you want to know feel free to ask, I’m happy for us to get to know each other better, only if you want to.

Im glad I’ve been able to help wake you up!

I have one on one of their beds and the other on the back of the lounge. I have just opened the front door though so they both may go there to look out. I have a cushion for them to lay on near the door so that they are comfortable.

Oh your dog is so cute. I love how they have their ‘spots’ where they like to be.

Ahh @Captain24 have have me laughing at your story 😂. I reckon as a teenager would be the most embarrasing age to feel it too! I would have been so embarrassed when later realising I was naked 🤣 - i am very aware of body-privacy myself, even though I actually don't have any problem with other people being naked if they wanted to. I hope one of your family went and removed the huntsmans for you?? Were you then able to go back in to have a shower?

I am glad I have never had that experience - only ever huntsmans in bedroom or toilets or living rooms. I'm OK with that as long as I can keep an eye on them -- so not OK when it it bedtime and they're in the bedroom, or if they are behind me on the toilet/wall. My mum and I give our huntsmen names when we see them in the house. We let them stay as long as they don't go in bedrooms. Actually, I don't think I've seen one in a few years though! We used to let each other know where they had move to, such as "Alfred is in the hallway, and Henry is in the bathroom behind the door" - especially useful for when visitors are over and you don't want to freak them out with there being a spider they haven't seen. 😅

Your holiday to the beach sounds a great idea 😊 and that you can share that with your friend coming to visit also; I love that for you both that same beach is the break and rest you both need and love. 😎😍

Your description of how you think/feel with asking for and offering help makes a lot of sense. 😊 I feel that a little bit too with regard to me asking others for help, and it sounds exactly like what my friend feels too with wanting to support people but not know what/how to say and saying the "wrong thing". I like to think/reassure that my friends (and this can include you too!) can learn that it's OK to not say things perfectly to me, and that I look at the intent not just how it is said, and it's totally OK to accidently say something that comes out wrong 😂 or misunderstood. Oh, here's a funny story from me about doing just that!

Growing up my mum and my sister always said they had "big noses" in a negative way. i honestly don't think they do have "big noses", I think theirs are normal. My dad and I have small noses (which is annoying as we are the 2 with glasses!). When I went to a monkey/ape-zoo I saw a male proboscis monkey for the first time. My immediate thought was "now THAT animal has a big nose!" (rather than my mum or sister having a big nose). At the gift shop they had a toy proboscis, and yep - I bought one for my mum as a positive reminder and joke that she does NOT have a big nose. It is 100% my type of humour, but also just how I see things as "factual". So I gave it to my mum with the explanation that she does not have a big nose -- a proboscis monkey does though! ... she didn't find it very funny or encouraging. 😳. BUT she has kept the proboscis monkey, 12 years later ! Not sure if that's because of my attachment to it, or because she likes it somehow (e.g. reminds her of me?). When I saw proboscis monkeys in the wild last year she understands that I still appreciate that they have a big nose, and I think she understands/accepts my perspective on this now 🤣 and also appreciated our photos and discussion of the various sizes of proboscis noses! The females do not have a big nose. The males do, but the alpha in the group has the largest.

,..some of my friends think I am autistic too, but my mum doesn't think so (she is a psychologist). But we all agree I have numerous traits lol -- and that this is not a negative thing per se.

Similar age/energy dogs are fantastic eh! 😍 good playmates to visit indeed. It's a shame she can't take the dogs for a longer period of time like going into hospital, that makes it a lot harder. Glad you can take your dogs on holidays though 😊. I have taken my dogs once or twice away; one of them is fine but the other gets distressed and/or doesn't settle well - but I think I just haven't found the right environment for her. I think she needs to be able to be off-lead, and that really limits it. She was ok staying at a house once (rather than camping), but she was still not relaxed. I like the idea of having a caravan so that she could have the consistency of the "home" to sleep in. She loves going out during the say to new places - its just the overnight/prolonged situation.

What type of dog is Keiko?

My friend's greyhound comes over with her usually, since we have enough space to separate the dogs if needed or they can mix and play and sleep. Her dog loves the novelty of my dogs toys 😊. Sometimes we lend toys to each other if the dogs have taken a big interest in a specific one and the "owning dog(s)" don't have a big attachment to it.

What return to work will look like for me is unknown currently. Whilst my GP has to do monthly reviews/certificates, the current plan is for me to take all of 2026 off (but work does not know this; my direct manager I am seeing today does though). The HR people know that the ideal is for me to not return to the same team, or unless things have improved in the team. At the end of last year I did a 5 month transfer to another related team - this team would also like to keep me, but it depends on whether they have a role available when/if I am ready/able to return to work. They are my "best bet" within the current organisation, however they have a different funding from my normal team/role, so its not like an executive can move the funding from my role into their team (not even HR can facilitate this).

However there is a decent likelihood that I might not return to that type of work at all. My other option I am consider if I am able to return to work without it causing MH decline (this is still an unknown) is to train as a peer MH worker. That would be better matched to my desire to help people more directly, and my interest in MH support due to my own experience living with it, and its much more practical to do occasional-hours of work rather than full-days or even the ability to work just 1 day a week maybe. I also feel it is much more supportive of taking time off if mental health is declining (encouraging that, rather than just allowing it). But for now, I am letting things settle before I decide to do peer MH training (i think i'd like to do the training even if I don't work in it; it would help in social contacts with others like friends and here on the forum).

If the GD chat is helpful for you, I posted in FB's thread my reflection on it for myself -- but it does inter-relate with some history of trauma and how that influenced my thoughts. Up to you whether or not you wish to read that. Nothing related to EDs though 😊.

I haven't had an ED, but I did have a year of depression impacting my patterns when I was a teenager. The only thing that is semi-related to ED that I sometimes mention is around my physical eligibility for a research trial I am going through the enrolment processes for. I am on the upper side but have worked really well to be within the eligibility range over the past 4 months 😊. Is being really general like that OK? If not, i won't mention it at all - its not a matter of distress for me, it's a positive achievement I am maintaining.

I have not felt well (without depression) during those 25 years, no. The only 'respite' I have had is a few of my trips overseas during 2012-2020. But even the trips since then have not been a reprieve, sadly.

I have had a lot of treatment, especially early on. I had weekly counselling/psychotherapy for the early 10 years (not the first 2 years though, I hid that). Unfortunately, there are not many supports available for me, as I would have to pay for them all myself as Medicare and the public health is not setup for chronic "treatment-resistant" depression care. That is why I stopped the weekly counselling, because it was not helping things improve and it was expensive for me to justify paying for just to "maintain" having someone to talk to. But I started again last year with a counsellor, who I see weekly, and pay for. I decided I may as well spend my money if it improved quality of life/coping because I won't accept for things to continue how they have been the past 20 years (which have been more stable than the years prior). My only option for adhoc support when things are not allowed here is the Safe Space/Haven centres - but they are limited hours of opening. It would be amazing if they had a 24/7 service one day.

It would be lovely to get to know you better. 😊 And I think there is value in getting to know people's social/general interests too, if they wish too, because that is also a good way to build connection that doesn't always have to focus on the negative MH either -- not that focusing on MH support is in any way bad, but I know for some people it can be difficult when forum friendships are only about MH and not their whole life. 😊 I can do either way. I guess that's where the hobbies come in eh! And the pets 😍 and the holidays.

My dogs are such creatures-of-habits of where they like to sit. 😊 I guess it's very normal and healthy for animals & people to have their routines including "set seating" that feels comfortable to them 😍. (Even if my dogs also use my mum's bed hehehe... that was a habit they developed when I went away for 3 weeks 🤣)

I am terrified of spiders! It’s pretty extreme. @AlwaysMyself. They did go and get it and I did get to have a shower. I’m very body conscious too. I don’t like to be naked in front of people. But my fear trumped everything that night!

I couldn’t cope knowing that they were around. I wouldn’t sleep and I’d be petrified. If I see a spider, the fly spray doesn’t end it it actually drowns in it. 😜

We go to the beach twice a year, always the same place as we love it plus my brother lives there. Not that I care to see him but mum does. Pix loves it. I start packing my bag and she gets all excited. She gets carsick though so it’s a rough trip and takes us a while. Jett gets really anxious and sits in the back of the car panting the whole trip. He is good in the car around town and lives going in it but just not in long trips. I’m going to see if the vet has anything I can give him. Pix has a favourite place where we go, there is on beach and as we walk onto the sand she stops and just looks at me. I take her lead off and she goes straight to the water. She climbs over the rocks and paddles through the edge. It’s her happy place. The rest of us walk along and the other two dogs are on leads and I just turn around and check on Pix as she is just wandering around. She lives it. She also just loves being away. She gets to go out all the time and spends a lot of time in the pram. Jett despises the water but lives the sand and the freedom. He has a 15 metre lead that he can run on but so I still have some control. He loves walking around in new places. They both cope well with where we stay but for the last few years we have stayed in the same place so they know it pretty well.

Id see that’s as funny! But I guess your mum didn’t. That’s my kind of humour. You know a little bit about the monkeys! I’d say that’s a slight trait right there! My psych sent me for an adhd assessment. I told the psychiatrist a lot of things about me after the assessment. Me thinking it all related to adhd but apparently not! That’s how I needed up with autism diagnosis as well! Both conditions are very conflicting though. So much works against each other.

Keiko is a Japanese Chin. It’s a pretty rare breed. She is cute though.

Im guessing at least you have a year to not worry about it. It’s not something you have to focus on, just getting yourself well is all that matters.

I hope that if you do/can go back that your team changes.

Peer support sounds like a good option for you. I think you would do a great job at it and it allows for MH acceptance. I started a course but it got to hard and my MH wasn’t in a good place. I just felt stupid as I didn’t know how to study and reference and search stuff. I left school 30 years ago!

I’ll have a look at some stage today.

T/W ED and body image.

Talking about reducing weight is ok if it’s healthy. It’s very limited in here what is allowed to actually go through moderation when posting. People gain and lose all the time and that’s ok. It’s more when there is no trigger warning and someone is discussing how fat and disgusting they are. That is actually how I feel about myself so reading that kind of stuff reminds me how much I despise myself. I’m also having trouble with my body failing me after surgery and its side effects that aren’t suppose to happen. Then the fact that I have to undergo the same surgery again and then probably another surgery after that! So that is adding to so much of it. I also struggle when people talk about restricting their diets. If there is a trigger warning then it’s my choice whether I read it or not. If I do read it then it’s my own fault. I’m not always trigger though. At the moment I can deal with eating habits but just struggling with body image stuff. Generalised is ok though. I do have a dietitian that is working through all of this with me. I do see the positivity in maintaining and being a comfortable weight. I see the positivity on reduction if it’s done in the correct way. I am proud of you for being positive about it, same goes for others. It’s just when people talk about the unhealthy ways of doing it.

That must be hard to not have had a break for so long. I’ve had moneys in the last 35 years where things have been good and manageable. The depression has always reared its ugly head at some point though. Only in the last few years have I sort help for it. I was with community mental health for about 2 years. I thought it was good but after being discharged I realised it wasn’t. I do have a fabulous psych though and she has been a godsend for me. I really need to see her tomorrow, it could be a long hard appointment though.

Im glad you are seeing a counsellor. Getting any help through Medicare or public system is terrible. There is not much help at all even in crisis times. It’s no wonder that so many people are suffering alone. I’m lucky that I can afford my psych but I know most people can’t afford the help and get nowhere. It’s sad to see and I feel hurt for them.

I like to know the other side of people, like you said their interests and hobbies and stuff. That’s where I thought the highlight thread would be good but it’s just not for me.

They most certainly are creatures of habit. I have the one spot in my lounge that I sit! At mums I have to sit on the floor as they have their spots and I’m not allowed anywhere but the floor. I don’t spend much time there. I’m also only allowed to sit in one spot at the dinner table on the odd time that I eat there.

One is currently laying outside in the sun and the other is laying at the foot of the lounge. Both relaxed and comfortable. They will curl

up and have a sleep soon.

I’m struggling a little bit right now.

I have some deep, loud, intrusive thoughts. I did what I suppose to do. I had a self care day. I don’t have much to show for my day just a small Lego and a half completed 3D puzzle.

I can’t even do self care days right. I knew I’d be lazy if I didn’t have anything to push myself.

I feel like I have failed today. I did try and look after myself but I guess it just doesn’t work.

My kitchen is a mess where the puzzle is and that’s where I do all my appointments. It’s stressing me out a little… well a lot.

What can I do to fix myself? What can I do to get better? Is it just not possible to get better? Am I just stuck like this?