I can’t cope

@Captain24 @Flutterbug9 this is my birdie, sorry I heard Rosella 😂

Hey @MissGremlin

Still shaken and angry. But angry at myself for getting angry. I just now have extra things running through my head. I can still see that car in my mind as well.

I got 2 1/2 hours sleep. I can’t work out what I am doing wrong to not get enough sleep when I come off the last shift. I have to head into town to get Jett’s food from mums house and then I’ll come straight back home and might try for some more sleep.

How are you going? Did you get anything done today or just a chill day?

Ooohhh a crimson one! @MissGremlin. Do you currently have this bird or is it a previous one? Does/did it talk?

@Captain24 Sounds like you might be caught in nasty circle. Feeling angry, feelings that possibly playing on your subconscious, feeling stressed = less sleep. Less sleep = feeling angry.

the scare, the concerns about being followed and not knowing if or when the person would stop. All makes sense this might be playing on your subconscious and not letting you get much sleep.

what things can you do to help cease and gradually stop the feelings of anger?
what things can you do to help cease and gradually stop feelings of being scared?

yes @Captain24 @MissGremlin they were Eastern Rosellas. Beautiful birds. Short drive from my childhood home there is large parkland which is home to lots of different birds, they possibly came from there.

I count myself lucky to have memories of fun, happy times spent doing things with my dad and the things he taught me. The dad I miss was a fun loving, easy going guy who was country born and bred and believed in a type of extended family. Example of the dad I miss is a man who would decide on Friday he was going fishing the following day. Spoke to parents in surrounding and nearby houses inviting any of the boys to come fishing with him. Boys quickly learnt to be on time or they missed out. My dad and whatever number school age boys turned up would be out all day, sometimes coming home with nothing but tales of fun had during the day

Sorry @Captain24 I forgot to answer you question.

the Cafe Corner I have recently bought is a cheap copy of the Lego originally.

@Captain24 i too will be posting in multi-part replies because i cant hold all the things i want to respond to in my memory at once. 😉 (if im on my laptop, i use multiple tabs. But on my phone it causes the page to reload and risk loosing my "text so far"!)

I think you anger at the work situation/response it quite justified and a reasonable emotion to feel. Their lack of addressing the safety issue with the other driver is very understandable and reasonable to trigger a "threat" response in your system. You deserve to be safe at work; they are obligated to address safety (legally and ethically). Does you worksite have an incident register you could record it in as an "avoidable near miss"?

Would you feel better to talk to management about the incident later when you feel clamer? (Possibly even with a support person to help you stay grounded if needed?)

I'm wondering what can help you feel heard and safe again at work, without fear of similiar incidents happening again (or being dismissed when raising safety concerns).

The tailgating driver would also activate a feeling of "threat" and fear quite understandably. I think your response to it was really really practical - devise a plan for if they had turned off out of turn behund you : to head back into town to a safe place. 😊 i am proud that your rational protective brain kicked in with such a good solution!!

I am also relieved that you did not need to put it into action, as they did not follow you out of town. *phew*!

Its OK to feel anger. Sometimes we are taught to "not be angry", but i reckon anger is a really important emotion. But just as important is *how we respond* to our anger. I cant recall which PSW here has also mentioned it, but I know one of them did because i remember thinking "yes! Exactly!" --- often underneath anger is another feeling. In this case i would guess "threat for safety" and in terms of being dismissed at work also "injustice". Hurt can be really vulnerable to expose, where as anger as a mask is often a "strong front" to protect that sensitive hurt and vulnerability. Anger is trying to protect you from (perceived) imminent harm. (Not all anger, but i suspect in this case.)

I absolutely relate to what @Flutterbug9 said about the cycle of "anger, thinking, cant sleep, tiredness, more anger/emotions". I've had that insomnia cycle at time when something has triggered my anger or feeling of injustice especially.

I'm so glad you felt safe to vent here. 😊 I have often found that when I am angry about something it helps me so so much to be able to tell someone about it. To let it out. To be heard.

I'm so glad i can be part of you "being heard" (read) and being about to vent out those emotions. That is a really healthy thing to do I believe. 😊🥰🤗

@Captain24 re: parents

It sounds like your parents had a preconceived concept of what a "girl" should be/do, and they give you the freedom or choice to be yourself - but rather to be what their view was.

I am glad that as an adult now you are free to explore who you really are and make choices for yourself in what you choose to do. 😊 Even if that may feel difficult at first to feel "allowed" to.

I love the image of playing rugby in a dress, with tackling at all! I am really glad that having to wear a dress didnt stop you from playing rugby anyway! 😅 impractical clothing, but thats your parents fault not your lol.

Were you allowed to go on the fishing days with your dad? Or only males?

I used to get so angry (frustrated) with my dad when he said "you don't/can't really think/like that". :face_with_rolling_eyes: thankfully i think he has learned not to say it now, but every once in a while he still does and i have to take a BIG breath and hold my tongue until i can calmly say "actually, yes I do. But i realise that you don't."

My family called me "Mary" as a child (not my actual name!) - they would say i was "being contrary". I wasn't; i just saw things differently to them. 🤷‍♀️

@MissGremlin beautiful Birdie 🥰😍.

We get both crimson & eastern rosellas at my place @Captain24 @Flutterbug9 . Although i havent seen them lately, mostly seen small birds or cockatoos of late. But now that the stream is running again in the garden hopefully they will return too. Maybe even the frogs too over time.

I’ve just been to mums and picked up Jett’s food that they forgot to drop in last night @Flutterbug9

I didn’t realise it was a circle but I guess it is.

Instead of working through it as I probably should I’m just trying to bury it. I am calming down though. I was getting frustrated with my parents so that was stirring some things up.

I left the house and I wasn’t worried about being followed so that was good, plus no one was close behind either. The was a good gap between me and the car behind so that was comforting as well.

I think I really need to allow myself some space to just let it all flow through and out. I can see why it affected my sleep but then being tired is making it hard. Once again the circle.

@MissGremlin just adding you to this about my Rosella as a kid.

My rosella was in a cage and if he was still hanging outside and it’s started to rain or get dark he would sing out ‘what about the birdie, what about the birdie’ until we brought him in. The dog we had at the time hated birds and his cage was hanging up so Tiny couldn’t reach him. He would call out to Tiny and she would run up the wall trying to get him. Joe would yell out ‘the doggie is getting the birdie’ until poor Tiny got in trouble.

I loved that bird!

I like birds and love to see them so that parkland would be beautiful to me. We have a wetlands and it would be beautiful to see all the birds in there at this time of year but there is too many browns in there. Not a safe place.

Oh the fishing memories sound amazing. It sounds like a good time for all, they must have missed him after it all happened.

@Captain24 oh sweet I can understand how you are feeling, try to be gentle with yourself.

I'm questioning myself the same thing with sleep, it's so frustrating not being able to just sleep. I hope you've been able to go into town and are currently sleeping peacefully.

I just got back from the shops, didn't do anything else today.

Yes i currently have birdie, he's about 13 years old now. He says 'hello birdie' and mimics many tunes including what my phone used to sound like, when people come over and hear it they ask if I want to answer the phone 😂.