I can’t cope

Thank you for sharing @Jynx . As you know, I love learning about other people's experiences of living. Do I recall from past posts elsewhere that you had (have? not sure the right term?) gender dysphoria? I was actually wondering if you have posted anywhere about what that was like for you? "your story" as it were? Totally fine if not - or even if you just don't want to share it even if it is buried somewhere in an old thread. Just interested to hear what it was like.

I don't fall into the GD category, but I do wonder that if I were having my teenage years now (in a time where gender-neutral & transitioning) is not socially unheard of, if I would have decided to be gender-neutral/non-binary. I was of course always that girl who was interested in the "boys" activities and clothes (the tomboy), and no interest/connection with the stereotypical girl/female mould - but of course because I was a female I would be automatically gifted those things and expected to be interested in them, and of course had to wear a dress/skirt, etc etc. And as a girl who experienced CSA I felt that the "obvious signs I was a female" or "things that are attractive to male predators" were 'targets' -- and i would have loved a double-M procedure for that reason. Now I'd just love it to reduce the back pain 🤣. But I reckon for all those reasons combined -- to feel physically safer from being victimised, but also to avoid the social expectations of "being female" -- there's a high chance I would choose to be non-binary 🤔. Sadly that is a reflection more on how our culture has gender-expectations; rather than any internal gender dysphoria for me. Coupled of course with my teenager view from experiencing abuse/assault - which I have since re-shaped to a much more realistic perspective. 😊. (feel free to respond to this elsewhere, so as not to divert Cap's thread! but their comment reminded me that I had been curious if there was a "Jynx story" somewhere. I've avoided tagging you of late, hoping to wait until your backlog has decreased a bit lol.

I am glad to have had to opportunity to get to know @Captain24 more 😊. Whilst I am sad that @Captain24 has experience and relates to some of what I go through too, it's still that feeling of connection and support to know someone else has. I just wish none of us had to know what it is like.

Hey @Jynx

Ive only just gotten home from work, we had a union meeting after.

It’s has been really tough and I’m still struggling. It’s a dangerous struggle. I didn’t even get distracted at work again today. I really just want to give up.

Thanks for reading through. I really do appreciate the care.

It’s been really good getting to know @AlwaysMyself @MissGremlin @Flutterbug9 too.

Yes @Forest_Fairy has been really helpful and supportive.

I have been a dance teacher.. I thought you knew… sorry. I taught mostly baby ballet, jazz and tap. I also taught the boys class and have filled in a lot on other classes of all ages. I also taught some solos. I don’t do it anymore and I don’t dance anymore. My best friend ruined my passion for it. I use to do ballet, jazz, tap, contemporary, modern, hip hop and musical theatre. I started to learn in my mid 20’s. I even did exams! I also did eisteddfods and ended up getting a first place in one solo. That’s a whole life time ago. I gave up about 8 years ago.

Thanks for sharing all of that, I found it really interesting. I might have to do some research into it and see what it’s all about.

How are you?

Hi @Flutterbug9

I’ll just have to wait and see when I open them. It’ll be ok, I think I’ll figure it out. I am feeling like maybe I can’t do it though. That’s probably just my head right now though.

How are you going today?

It took me a long time to get to sleep @AlwaysMyself. My head wouldn’t stop. I was so tired when my alarm went off this morning. I nearly snoozed it but that usually makes things worse. I managed to get ready for work on time and made it there. Wasn’t a great day, I was busy but it wasn’t the distraction I’ve been looking for.

I love the noises they make! If I could send you a video of when Pix wants a treat, that would make you laugh! She is hilarious and very demanding!

I hope you got some sleep and I hope today was better for you.

How are you going?

Hey @MissGremlin

How are you going today? I’m just catching up and haven’t been around any other threads.

I was at work today but once again I couldn’t find distraction in it. I’ve not long gotten home as we had a meeting. I’m just about to have some dinner.

Hello @Captain24, today's been a tough day but I'm hanging in there the best I can.

I'm sorry that work didn't provide a distraction today, that sounds really frustrating.

Hope you enjoy your dinner ☺️

Has there been any moments in your day @MissGremlin. Even the slightest of a glimmer?

Im actually feeling like I really don’t want to go to work and that I’m really not sure that I should be there. But I have bills to pay so I have to keep going.

Dinner was good. Just leftovers from Sunday night but it was food.

@Captain24 not today there hasn't. I didn't manage to sleep until after 3.30am so it's been a very long day for me.

I'm sorry that you are feeling that way sweet, it's a really tough spot to be in.

Glad it was good, leftovers are a quick and easy meal.

That’s so hard @MissGremlin. You really need and deserve some sleep. The last time I looked at the clock it was 12:13 but then my alarm went off at 4:30.

It’s so hard not to see anything in the day.

Im needing to find some strength from somewhere right now. Im not doing to well.

Hey @Captain24 , I'm sorry for your sake that today wasnt able to provide the distraction from thoughts. I dislike those days too.

Do you get sick leave? (I.e. permanent staff?)

If so, would taking a week of sick leave help to rest? Or would the lack of schedule and distraction be a bigger risk?

(I wonder if a residential 2 week program through a public health service could help be safe but also helpful?)