I can’t cope

@Captain24 it's so good when you can find someone that's easy to talk to and understanding. That's what it's like when I talk to my counsellor.

Writing a list is a perfect idea, hoping you are able to get a bit of rest at some stage in between everything.

Thankyou and i really appreciate it ❤️. I usually keep most of my story in my battles thread so as to not clog up others threads. Like I see this as your space and whilst I will share some things here it's usually only if it's cos it relates to you and how you're feeling or something that may be helpful for you. I'm glad you found an awesome GP but how frustrating that they moved to Canada. My GP is amazing and he's always been supportive and understanding, I'm glad I have him especially when I've been constantly let down by professionals when seeking support.

I hear you, not getting enough sleep is hard and can affect us in many ways. I have to be careful cos if I don't get enough sleep I'm at risk of having seizures as i have epilepsy.

I wrote my list @MissGremlin

I have cleaned the kitchen and ensuite, vacuum, swept and washed the floors, 2 loads of washing and hung it out. Plus had a shower and washed my hair. It’s not even 6 yet!

Now to dry my hair and sort the dog food out for mum while I’m working. By the time I’ve done that I’m hoping the supermarket will be open so I can do my shopping and prep lunches, then I’ll try again to bath the dogs!

Feel free to say what ever you want. I’m here to listen and will help you anyway I can.

Yeah. I got another GP and he moved away and now the GP I’ve got is studying dermatology so I guess he will give up general practice. I can’t win. He has referred me to another GP in the practice to deal with the perimenopause stuff but that’s hard right now when I already have so many hormones going through my body.

I’m glad you have a good one and is really supportive and understanding. You need that.

Oh that’s rough.. yes, sleep and healthy diet! Are you medicated for epilepsy? I know you have issues with medication so I do get if you’re not.

Did you actually get any sleep?

@Captain24 wow you've done alot, well done. I love how you know exactly what you want to do next.

Hopefully you can bathe the dogs today, as long as Pix doesn't have other plans 😂.

Thankyou sweet ❤️.

Oh gees, that's crazy how many GP's you've been through, I'm sorry that you haven't found that stable support with one. I had one previously that just left with no warning leaving me with noone but I've had my current one for about 9 years now i think if not longer. The perimenopause is rough especially when there's so many hormones already going through your body.

I'm not on medications for it but it's monitored closely. Just when I struggle with my sleep and being too stressed it leads to seizures.

I've only had a little bit of sleep. It's been a night of nightmares and panic attacks.

That’s the autism! @MissGremlin. I have my list and it’s in order! If I don’t have a list the adhd wins and nothing gets done. The adhd hyper focus does help with getting it done quickly though!

Im hoping I can grab her after breakfast and then that will be done. If it’s a fight then I’ll just leave it. They get done weekly anyway so it’s not really a big deal.

I did have a GP for years but he never listened to me. I told him how I felt and he would just give me antidepressants and send me on my way just saying ‘everyone feels like that at times’ I don’t think he took me seriously as I taught his kids dancing and I could function through that. Since I found the first GP to listen, I have never been back to him.

The combination of all hormones is getting really hard! It’s really taking a toll on me. I was doing kinda ok until then. Not great but functional and not to the extreme I’ve been lately.

Im glad it’s monitored, have you had it all your life? My hairdresser developed hers in her late teens. I’m really hoping the sleep happens for you and less stress so you are safe.

Hi @Captain24

I can hear last night and early this morning was really challenging for you, where you had to work extra hard to stay safe. Thank you for letting us know you are safe and have no intention to act on suicidal thoughts 🌿. It's great you can identify the need for extra support and that reaching out to someone could be beneficial too 🌸. Is there anything in particular that you think would help you to be able to do this?

It sounds like you've been keeping yourself busy this morning 🐾 and getting a lot achieved too!

TunedIn 🎶

Hi @TunedIn

It has been rather challenging. I’m really tired and exhausted from it and from barely sleeping.

Ive been laying down since about 7:30 dozing on and off. But I still have things to do. At least I got the majority done between 3 and 6! One bonus!

I am feeling really fragile today and overwhelmed. I really need to be careful with myself as I don’t want to end up like last night and this morning. It’s all really close to the surface.

I have reached out to my psych to see if we can fit and appointment in on Wednesday morning before I go to sleep, pretty sure she will be booked out though.

As for crisis services, I really struggle. I have high anxiety getting myself to call and then it worsens the longer I wait. I don’t k ow how to change that. How to lessens the impact it has on me. I really do wish it was easier for me as I do mostly find it beneficial.

Good morning @Captain24!

That's sooo okay about the photos, I was just curious to see all of your efforts. Also, I just love food. hehe

Exactly! What do you think 'going with the flow' would look like for you?

I can imagine... what helped you to get through those 3 days?

Sometimes big life events can shift our dynamics with other people - they can rattle us enough to stop and think, "I need to show this person how much I love them", and the walls come down. Maybe that is one 'light' aspect you can take away from this experience? Even though it has been absolutely awful and painful and scary, maybe it's also allowed you and mum to connect? Which you absolutely deserve. 🥹 How did it feel to receive her praises?

That really would be scary... I am sending you a big hug, because this is a lot. I know your thoughts have been escalating in response to what's been happening, and things have felt truly terrifying at times, but please know that you are handling everything so well, even if you don't think you are - because you're showing up for yourself, asking all the right questions, and getting the support you need.

What I am sensing is that you might be needing more space to nourish yourself? I know this is really tough to allow yourself to have this space, but I wonder if it could be helpful to explore with your psychologist on the 20th? We will all have your back and support you in doing so. 🫶 @MissGremlin @AlwaysMyself @Ru-bee @Jynx

Thinking of you @Captain24 and sending you gentle care and wishes for rest for you.

I am amazed at how productive you were early! It sounds like a whole days work of cleaning / household. I hope you are able to have taken the time this morning to rest (even if you cant actually fall asleep).

Is there specific things you like to do to rest physically and mentally and emotionally, if you can't fall asleep?

E.g. listen to music, colouring?

I usually lay in bed with my eyes closed and listen to music when i feel exhausted in every way but not sleepy.

Good morning @AuntGlow

Going with the flow would just be waking up when my body wants, doing a couple of things each day and just taking the rest of the day as it comes. No pressure just free to do what I want when I want, Not thinking about getting things done because I go back to work or focusing on what days I have left off. To just float through.

It felt good to hear mum say good stuff about me, it was really nice. I do think I have given her a little scare, she was even supportive when I rand her the day of my ultrasound. She was also really good one morning when I was driving home from nightshift and was tired, I rand her just so I was talking to someone.

On light aspect would be that deep down mum does care and just never shows it.

I don’t know how to nourish myself. I woke up at 2:10 this morning and was doing my housework by 3. I had my house clean, 2 loads of washing done and hung out plus showered and washed my hair. I did then go and lay down for a bit but only dozed in and out. I have been grocery shopping and about to cook a zucchini slice so I have food for work. Then I need to iron my washing and hopefully bath the dogs. What else can I do?

I did do a lot of grounding last night to try and make it through, which I obviously did. After last night I have emailed my psych to see if she can fit me in Wednesday morning before I need to sleep but she is usually booked. I really need her after last night. It was pretty touch and go. But the guys in here were fantastic and helped me through. I feel bad for burdening them with it all when they have their own things going on.

Even when I woke up at 2 it was still really hard and really tough. I still had all the thoughts. My SI has been passive but last night it was real and past the SI stage.

My psych will be there for me and she will see good things in last night, like the grounding and using my SP.

That was a bit of a @Jynx ramble!

But bottom line, I don’t know how to nourish myself. I feel as though I don’t deserve anything even if I did know what to do.

Anyway… how are you?

Hey @AlwaysMyself

It was just the general stuff that I do in the day before I go back to work. I have now been grocery shopping and about to make a zucchini slice to pack for lunches for the next few days. Then I want to try and bath the dogs.

I did lay in bed for a couple of hours as I just couldn’t function, my body was tired. I only dozed on and off basically but I was some sleep.

I don’t usually rest, I beat myself up if I stop and right now the last thing I need is to beat myself up anymore. I don’t think I can take it.

Im not a big music person, overstimulating! I really don’t like colouring in and never did as a kid either. I have a 3D puzzle that I want to finish to get it off my kitchen bench but it’s really fiddly, the part I’m up to. I’m not sure u have the concentration span. I do have my diamond art at up but I haven’t enjoyed that in many months so that’s feeling like a chore. I have been watching some tv but I’m getting distracted really easily. So I’m at a loss. I’m not trying to be difficult at all. But I have thought about it. Even if I stop chores i still have to be doing something, not stopping and doing nothing. Which I know I actually really need.

How are you going today? Thanks for that video link too, it was amazing.