I can’t cope

Help @Captain24 sweet, I'm sorry to hear you are feeling isolated and alone. It's really hard when we reach out to a friend and we don't get the love and care we need in that moment.

I hear those thoughts of self hatred are really strong right now but I want to gently remind you that you are not a failure and you most definitely deserve to be alive. You get up every day, you go to work and you look after your furbabies, you take care of yourself the best you can and you support myself and others here.

I'm sitting with you sweet, you're not alone. Sending you lots of love and hugs, you are special and you matter so much ❤️

Thanks for the trigger warning @Ru-bee. I hope that doesn’t mean I’ve stuffed up on here again? Just ban me if you need to.

Im feeling a lot of rejection and being unwanted. Not on here but in life.

I talked to my dietitian a bit about it yesterday not a lot though around the body image stuff. It’s really bad right now too. I don’t want to go outside incase someone sees me.

I don’t see my psych for another 11 days. I will talk to her when I see her. She knows about how hard it is for me when I get into bed. The really dark and intrusive passive SI bug it’s becoming more SI than passive. So is the sh thoughts.

I'm finishing soon but just wanted to make sure you know that you haven't done anything wrong @Captain24, definitely no reason to be banned!

It sounds like broaching that topic would've been hard with your dietitian, so I'm proud of you for having that talk even if it was just a short one.

With this SI become less passive maybe it's time to have a look at your safety plan and make sure it's up to date, what do you think?

I don’t want a new normal. Why does it have to change? It’s like SANE forgets about the forums and the people on it. @Jynx

When you say you will check in when you can does that mean you won’t be around much?

So has it been 5 years since you transitioned (if that’s the right word, sorry if it’s wrong. I don’t mean any disrespect) is that why it’s so hard as it’s still so new? I kind of get the memories. I’m a bit of a hoarder when it comes to memories but my life hasn’t changed as much. I can see why it’s hard going though. Just take your time with it and process each thing as it comes up.

That’s concerning isn’t it. Out in the heat. Jett is the same and when he comes in you can barely touch his hair. Pix stays in as she doesn’t cope with the heat at all!

I shouldn’t care but I do. I don’t deserve her to respond to me as I haven’t contacted her in ages. She hasn’t reached out to me either. Maybe I’ve just ruined the only friendship I had. Oh well… I guess I deserve it as I’m not a good person.

I don’t think I deserve anything nice. I didn’t do enough today. My list isn’t finished so I haven’t earnt anything. I’m just on the lounge with the tv on staring into space with thoughts running around in my head.

It’s pretty up to date @Ru-bee. My psych adds things to it all the time to make sure something that has helped is put into it. She is really good with doing her best to keep me here.

Thanks for not banning me.

I hope you have a good night

I’m feeling a little better. I had some dinner so that’s a good thing I guess. I do feel very lethargic and have a pretty bad headache. @MissGremlin

Im glad you did talk to your counsellor about it. I hope it was helpful to get it out to someone. Did they just listen or guide you through it? I’m so sorry that you haven’t heard anything. I really don’t want you to be let down again.

I get the med thing and I’m sorry it’s a history for you. You know yourself best and if it’s better for you not on them then that’s ok. You have to do what’s right by you.

Pix is a bitch when it comes to bath time. I have to set it up and close the door without her noticing or she will not come near me all day and hides so I can’t get her. I’ll get her in the morning though!! 😂. She is fine once she is in it and is good to blow dry it’s just getting her in that’s the problem. Poor Jett will let me pick him up for the bath but hangs on really tight when I try and put him in the tub. He is pretty easy to bath being so little but he absolutely hates it! Easy to blow dry though except for when he is chucking a tizz on the washing machine at the start.

I didn’t get enough done and my list isn’t finished so I really haven't done well. But thanks for recognising what I have done.

I didn’t do any of it. It’s a Christmas candy shop. I’ll post a photo once it’s finished.

I only go to the markets to go to the dog treat man. Grab the stuff and leave. Hopefully Bunnings has what I want tomorrow, I’ll be in and out in 10 minutes. It’s a weekend and there may be people that I know.

Bed days are allowed and second by second is ok if that’s what you need to do to get through. The dishes will still be there tomorrow and that’s ok. Just do what you need to. Just be with your babies.

I’m glad talking about stuff helps. I kinda get a one track mind and struggle to get out of it.

@Captain24 I'm glad you are feeling a little better and the you had some dinner. Sorry that you are feeling lethargic and have a headache, I'm hoping you can get a good night's rest and wake up feeling better tomorrow ❤️.

Today she just listened and of course checked in to make sure I was feeling safe with my thoughts. I didn't hear back today and now that it's the weekend I won't hear anything until Monday. Trying to not lose hope though.

Haha the way she hides so you can't get her, what a cheeky girl. Well hopefully you can sneak it on her tomorrow 😂. Casper isn't a fan of baths but tolerates it and he loves doing zoomies after. Isn't a fan of baths but bring out the hose and he's happy to run under it and get soaked 😂.

Even though you didn't get everything done you still did an incredible job with what you did get done ☺️.

A Christmas candy shop sounds so cool, i can't wait to see it when you finish it.

I don't go to markets, usually too many people for my liking. Those quick in and out trips are sometimes the best.

I've been having too many bed days lately, I still get things done though. I managed to do my dishes and now I'm sitting in bed with my puppies and my colouring.

I'm the same getting a one track mind and getting stuck in it.

I know it can feel like we don't care @Captain24 but I promise it's not like that. The forums are never forgotten, and these changes should also be beneficial for all our forums fam here too!

It's not so much that I won't be around at all, but I will have extra duties. And well, the forums are growing all the time! I used to chat to maybe 2-3 people each shift, now I'm chatting to like 10-15, plus trying to jump into social threads when I can. I know it feels scary, but I hope you will come to see it as a good thing.

Thanks for your kind words. Transitioned is correct! I have only socially transitioned (as opposed to medical transition, but that is still on the cards) by changing my name and pronouns. Other big changes too, some lost relationships and stuff, that's been rough - but interesting. We are a tapestry of everyone we have ever met, and it's wild seeing how I've changed since so many of my relationships have changed. Change is scary, but also inevitable, so I am trying to lean into the new me 😊

Hey, life happens. And especially for us AuDHDers, there's this tendency to go a long time without talking to people but when we reconnect it's like no time has passed. I think it can be challenging for NT folks who sometimes will have the expectation that a relationship requires constant maintenance, but not being in contact does NOT mean not caring, at least to my mind.

Well even if your list isn't finished please remember - rest is not earned. Nor should be the case for pleasure or connection!

This mix of both is going through my mind right now. It’s not exciting though

Hopefully tomorrow is a new day @MissGremlin

Im glad you had someone that could listen to you. I forgot today was Friday, now you have to wait the weekend out and see if it happens Monday.

She really is a bitch when she wants to be! But I love her just the same. She is very strong willed and doesn’t give up easily. I’m hoping that she forgets in the morning but that’s not guaranteed!

I can’t even tell you what is there. There is markets at lease every second week and it’s always the same people. So it’s always the same! I just get in and get out. I think all I need is some bones from him. 4 for $10. He is pretty cheap.

Bed days are ok, my bed is my safe place. Sometimes it’s best for me to just stay there. There have been times where I have spent my whole break mostly in bed.

Well done on the dishes! That is something that you can check off.

Yeah… I’m stuck.