I can’t cope

Sorry it’s taken me so long to get back to you @MissGremlin

Ive done all my housework today and I cleaned the shower and shower screen. I think I breathed in too many chemicals and made myself sick. I have been in bed since lunch.

Did you hear anything??? How did your appointment go with your counsellor?

Im guessing it’s hard without meds but hopefully therapy will happen and it might work for you. I have a lady that I have met in hospital and that’s the only thing she has. She doesn’t see anyone other than her GP and refuses to take meds. But she goes well most of the time. I’m sure you will get there eventually it just maybe a little rocky at times.

I did feel good when I got up. I was going to bath the dogs but Pix caught me setting up and wouldn’t come near me. I haven’t even been able to trick her. I did change my bedlinen though so she will be getting on tomorrow. The rest of the house is clean though and I’ve showered and washed my hair. Don’t was kinda a productive day until I needed to go back to bed.

I’ll see if I can do some of my 3D puzzle that I started before Christmas. I did get it out and set it up. Maybe I might get to the Lego tomorrow. I’ll go back to Bunnings when I go into town to go to the markets.

Im sorry you still didn’t get any sleep but at least you were able to have a nap. If second by second is all you’ve got then that’s ok. Second by second it is.

Anything you want to talk about to make it easier?

@Captain24 been busy busy!! Things have been picking up around here, extra trainings and stuff for some added duties so I'm in and out, but it's all good stuff - new ways to connect with folks is always a plus. And we've got some new PSWs joining the mix too so I'm keen for a wee bit of change 😁

I'm glad to hear the appt was not too bad - more waiting for results is always rough, but having caring professionals who help you feel a bit more comfy is always a plus 😊 Hope it's not tooooo long waiting for results 🤞

You and your love of sunshine!! Are you just as keen in 42 degrees? Or is it not that hot where you are?

I know you are busy but it doesn’t change the fact that I miss you @Jynx

I don’t like change, it scares me and it sounds like the PSW that we know and trust won’t be around anymore.

I love the sun!!! It hasn’t reached 40 here yet. But it probably will before summer is done. I’ll still be out there though mowing and stuff. I was going to lay in it today but I made myself sick cleaning the shower and the shower screen. Too many chemicals I think.

I read where the decluttering is an emotional issue for you. I actually never thought about you having an old life and a new life. That makes so much difference in sorting through it all. My heart goes out to you.

How are you today? How’s the kitties?

It’s ok if you don’t have time. I’ll have to get use to it with the changes anyway.

@Captain24 Hello my friend. How are you?

My psychologist said same thing re showering. When I’m well I shower daily but right now it can go upto 2 weeks. I did have a shower the other day. Once I’m in the shower I’m ok but getting into the shower is the problem.

what bath toys did you buy? 🙂

All really good tips 🙂

Hey @Cuddlebear

I 100% get the showering thing. I did shower yesterday as I mowed mum and dad’s lawn and was really sweaty and covered in grass and I showered today because I cleaned the shower and shower screen. But probably won’t make it in there again until Sunday night before work Monday.

I actually love being in the shower. I really enjoy it. It’s just getting in and getting out that I despise. To much work and to much thought involved.

I just got the baby bath toys that are plastic and can squirt water! It’s actually a little bit of fun. I have ordered a bath toy from a sensory place so I’m waiting to see what that’s like. My psych always has random suggestions. She is definitely young at heart and enjoys simple things. We are a similar age so I’m guessing that helps with the connection. I think she is 2 years younger than me!

Im struggling a bit this afternoon and feel

like it’s going downwards but I guess that is just what happens and what I have to deal with.

How are you going? I think I read you were tapering meds? I did that and it was a horrible really long 4 months. I’m here to support you especially having been through it.

@Captain24 it's ok sweet, I've been on and off the forums today.

Well done for getting the housework done although breathing in the chemicals is never a good thing. Hope you are feeling better now?

I haven't heard anything. My appointment with my counsellor was ok, just a very emotional one as there was lots to talk about and it was heavy stuff.

I was doing ok with just my gp for a while but then things started getting bad which is why I needed to try to get other help. I've got a long history with medications so it's actually safer for me to not be on them.

You have honestly done so well today sweet with getting so much done, I'm really proud of you. Hehe Pix not wanting a bath 😂. Hopefully bath time goes smoothly tomorrow and then you'll have nice clean puppies.

Did you do some of your 3D puzzle, what's the one you are doing? Getting to the Lego tomorrow sounds like something fun. The markets and bunnings should be a nice trip hopefully.

It really has been second by second today and still is tonight. I've got dishes to do and I'm really trying to find the motivation to do them. I've spent most of the day sitting or laying on my bed.

Just talking about different things helps, our chats help ☺️

I’m feeling really isolated and alone. I know it’s my own doing. I did reach out to my best friend yesterday, via message, I even told her about some of my medical stuff, I asked her questions about her and what she has been up to… nothing… no response.

I’m feeling really low. I just want to curl up in bed and just stay there. Forget that I exist. Forget everything.

Im really suffering with self-hatred at the moment, it’s really bad. I am really struggling. It’s not ok.

I am safe at the moment.

Hey Cap @Captain24

Being isolated and having these feelings of self-hatred is a hard combo. I know that they can tend to feed off each other as well: The worse we feel about ourselves the more we might push others away, and the more alone we feel the louder those thoughts and feelings can become

I have just put a trigger warning for some of the harder thoughts and beliefs that are coming up for you right now.

I'm just really sorry that you're feeling like this right now. Is this something that you feel able to talk to your psych about?

@Captain24 I know change can be hard and scary, and it might feel a bit rough as we adjust to the 'new normal'. I know having new peeps out here in forumland is also a bit of an adjustment, but don't forget that we didn't know each other once upon a time too. It took time, but we eventually got to know each other, and you will with these newbies too. Plus, I'm not going anywhere, and I will always check in when I can 💜

Yeah there's been a lot of changes in my life over the last 5 years or so, which is about how long I've lived in this place. So there's stuff buried in cupboards that I forgot existed that is simultaneously like, oh memories!! But then it's like 'hmm is it part of me still, or is it a memory I can let go of? So I'm trying to take it very slowly. Hopefully I don't have to move any time soon or it'll all end up in boxes and I'll have way too much stuff to cart around!

Kitties are good, somehow they prefer to be outside?! Even though Razz is mostly black and Trixie has such long fur. I've called them inside a few times though, to make sure they're drinking plenty of water!!

I'm sorry that your friend hasn't messaged back yet. I know that feeling well, it can be so hard hey, and our minds like to come up with all sorts of nasty reasons as to why they aren't talking to us. I'm sure they'll respond when they can.

Is there one (1) nice thing you could do for yourself this evening?